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Aug 13, 2008

Corruption, autocracy and democracy. Again. Again.

I'm a bit of a free-thinker, me. If you've got a sacred cow I'm gonna slam it on a barbie, I don't give ticks for political correctness and I can't stand clichés, writes Dave Argh.


Listen, I’m a straight-talking kind of bloke. Knocked around a bit before I became chief political correspondent for Cranky, King Island’s leading daily news websheet. I’m a bit of a free-thinker, me. If you’ve got a sacred cow I’m gonna slam it on a barbie, I don’t give ticks for political correctness and I can’t stand clichés. The establishment usually don’t like it, but they can go to hell, with their cultural studies w-nkers and their elitist year nine completion certificates. I call a spade a spade or I would if political correctness gone mad hadn’t made us say something like “flat soil lifting tool” are you with me????!!! It’s mad political correctness it is.

Listen, some of these longhaired types with their their well-formed sentences have been trying to make things complicated. It’s all damn simple really. Things are bloody obvious if you think in black and white — sorry in a “rich multicultural mix of distinct identities” can I have my PhD now, my a-se needs wiping. Are you with me??????!!!!

That’s just the sort of maverick I am. I tried to make the fools see sense but they didn’t want to know, which is the King Island library council subcommittee’s loss quite frankly. The Bilderberg Group has a lot to answer for.

But really, things are only complicated if you start thinking about them and all that does is heat up the metal pin in your head. If you can’t find what you want in an old Frank Devine column, then you probably didn’t need them in your head in the first place.

Sometimes people put another way of looking at things to me and ask me what I think and I usually say “discourse”. Sometimes “logocentric”. But usually “discourse”. That shuts them up real quick. Certainly stops my voices for a while. Discourse.

Any suggestion that things might be different from appear to be they how — and don’t start nagging me about syntax you femigay, I’ll words the put where I please well damn, it’s just grammatical correctness gone mad otherwise. You arts w-nkers can take that elsewhere, you and your fancy opposable thumbs. Mandibles not good enough for ya, ya mammal? Don’t try this at home folks, the Mont Pelerin society will have your phone cut off.

See I don’t go with that sort of groupthink. I’m an individual me, which I how I come to my startling conclusions: The West has some faults but is mostly good, the market has some flaws but is mostly good, ooer er climate change is a worry but the hysterics are as bad as the loony deniers. If it sounds like a I just shat a bunch of Herald Sun headlines that’s cos all us free thinking no bullshit intellectuals arrive at the same place. Doesn’t make you popular, which is why the Illuminati had me thrown out of the Flag Inn on the pretext “unidentified carpet smears”.

We march to the beat of a different drummer us, or would if we had basic motor functions. You and your fancy cerebral cortex ohhhh we’re so evolved look at us with our fancy post-medulla thinking. Wankers.

Are you with me??????

Discourse. — as told to Guy Rundle.


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7 thoughts on “Corruption, autocracy and democracy. Again. Again.

  1. Lucy

    “Fluoride: What the Vatican Isn’t Telling You”. Awesome.

  2. Raoul Dunk

    Good contrast to yesterday’s looney left ranting

  3. Sarah

    “You and your fancy opposable thumbs” – that’s going straight to the pool room!

  4. Bernard Keane

    Yeah but Rundle is taking the piss. I was completely serious.

  5. Venise Alstergren

    Whether the above is a put up job or not; what is it you’re trying to prove Guy? That you can report someone else’s garbage, or produce more of your own garbage? The whole thing sounds like a bit of bloodymindedness by one, or two players (You and the hired help from King Island) thought up to try to get, or retain, an audience that has momentarily drifted off to watch the Olympics.

    I don’t know where you live Guy, But if it is anywhere near the City of Melbourne, and you really, really want something to ‘sort out’ . The following problem, is offered to you. Please get on your skate board and go and ask a few questions re: the ludicrous suggestion about erecting? Laying? Constructing a temporary beach (it would need to be re-constructed every year, apparently) on the Yarra-it’s almost certainly a scheme thought up by a bored councilor in the City of Melbourne. And what a bitch it would be! A beach were the young and foolish (3-10 year olds) could wade knee deep in used condoms, dead fags (the sort one smokes) wells of urine, and stale faeces; all joined up with equally dead syringes. There you are Guy. With your brilliant writing, your sensationalism, your sensitivity, ahem, cough, cough. You could bring in copy to draw the Olympic drifters back to their keyboards.

  6. Venise Alstergren#2

    Have I completely missed the point? I thought, in essay 2, that Guy Rundle was bored, was at his histrionic worst, and that he is no friend to Bernard. In essay 3 I thought it was all Rundle. Ah well, I’d better go and have a re-bore.


  7. Sean C

    ‘course Guy’s taking the piss. But he wasn’t the other day and it seems to me he’s also making a pretty shrewd point about a type of commentary that pretends it operates in an ideological and historical vacuum and the type of arrogant anti-intellectualism it can breed (see Fukuyama and the Neo-Cons for the most well-known example). However, Its a shame that Bernard and Guy’s previous articles on this topic didn’t provoke a more in-depth debate.


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