Perfected: After observing him throughout this awards season, I’ve decided that Daniel Day-Lewis actually is some sort of hyperevolved exemplar of superior humanity. He’s what every doting parent falsely imagines their child to be: more beautiful, gifted, intelligent, and gracious than anyone else alive. Maybe (his wife) Rebecca’s dress is her way of saying, “F-ck you, world. I’ve landed Daniel Day-Lewis and I can wear anything I want.”– Slate

Looking for ideas for Oscars night: “F-ck the writers. They’ll all eventually eat each other like the Donner party. We have editors. This Oscars? We break new territory.”

Eyes peer up hopefully through $3,000 Japanese glasses frames made of hammered titanium and hand-carved wood.

“This year? All new: all old. We just montage the living sh-t out of it. Wall-to-wall montages of Oscar footage recycled from the last 80 years.” — Salon

Diablo’s new address: Welcome to fame, Diablo Cody. To your left you will see the Church of Scientology ushering forth newly brainwashed celebrities to reveal to them super secrets inside their highly guarded resort—err, I mean Church. To your right, that’s the good ol’ red carpet with cameras sparkling and reporters asking “Who are you wearing?!” Well? Who ARE you wearing, Diablo? – Synthesis.net

Oscar’s fading heartbeat: Nielsen estimates the Academy Awards telecast attracted about a fifth fewer viewers than last year. The dip’s been blamed on the bleakness of contenders such as the Coen brothers’ No Country for Old Men, and the short buildup to the awards ceremony: it wasn’t even clear until a couple of weeks ago that the show would be going ahead. Last night’s disappointing television ratings shouldn’t have been a surprise: a chart of user searches for “Oscars” on Google shows that the January blip, when nominations are announced, was less than half the average of the previous four years (see point F on the chart). The spike for Oscars night, which will take a day or two to show on this Google Trends chart, will be similarly unimpressive. – Gawker

10 Things that p-ssed me off about the Oscars: Number 9) Nicole Kidman’s inability to move her eyebrows. – The Alchemist

The Oscar pre-show: Alan Smithee finds it interesting that it is considered normal for actors to wait in a line to be interviewed by a television personality with no apparent knowledge of movies primarily to plug the names of clothing and jewelry designers and answer inane questions about their pregnancies, while it is considered odd or “unnerving” to ignore the artificiality of the event and hug people. Gary Busey has always been enthusiastic, and he has never pretended to be like everyone else. If he had recently starred in a major motion picture, his behavior probably would have been laughed off. What Hollywood really can’t abide is actors who step out of their place, who won’t simply disappear when they aren’t needed. – Alan Smithee Blog

Peter Fray

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