Don’t wear the party tee:
Kevin 07 is just asking for it. Beware the fool who displays their allegiances on their chest. This is not a football match. Wear ‘Go for Growth’ across your ample bosom and all eyes shall be upon you any time you lose a seat. Don your best poker face throughout the coverage. Wait till it’s a done deal, then solemnly unfold your crisp white t-shirt, roll it over your torso and proceed to wave the finger guns. For the less fortunate, find a quiet corner for a tired little cry. Panda eyes in public are a fashion don’t.
Do try the tracksuit:
If the Prime Minister can conduct early morning television interviews dressed in stretch comfort fabric, then you too can leave the house wearing a tracksuit. Be it the official pine green and wattle gold, or Kath-inspired parachute mauve, a tracksuit is perfect for sweating in. And you can power walk right out of there if it all gets too much.
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Do consider Black:
With a nod to Melbourne, and the Democrats, classic black is both stylish and the colour of choice for mourners.
You may be at a party, and it may be Saturday night, but you’re still watching television, so don’t overdress. A nice trouser teamed with a comfortable shoe for standing in some casual acquaintance’s lounge room eating corn chips for hours is key.
Do dress party appropriate:
The Coalition voter:
Don’t: be easily identifiable. No boat shoes.
Do: keep a freshly ironed handkerchief in the back pocket.
The Labor voter:
Don’t: Your Rights At Work t-shirt. Crass.
Do: coat your nails with a slick of Bite Away.*
*anti fingernail biting polish.
The Greens voter:
Don’t: hand dyed oatmeal knits. Anything green.
Do: try boat shoes.
The Democrats voter:
Do: something in yellow, teamed with a fixed smile.
Don’t: a sad face.
The Family First voter:
Do: wear pants. (that means you Andrew Quah.)
Don’t: wear high pants.