It seems this campaign has run from eternity to the 12th of never, months of ersatz electioneering followed by six weeks on a road to where exactly? Who knows, but the essential thing is that the ultimate result must be greeted by a sea of jubilant/dejected/outraged drunks. There is one simple truth in Australian politics: they can be no election without an election night party. But that’s where the questions begin. What to wear? Who to listen to? How to decorate? And – most significant of all – what to drink?

We, as ever, are here to help. You’ll find all you need to know in our special Crikey Party Planner Unsealed Section in today’s email; everything except a hotlink to the eBay page where you can buy a John Howard Pinata. That, you’ll find here.