Perhaps you were too dazzled by Rudd’s playful debate tie to notice. But, across the weekend, even weightier pink news unfurled on to the lap of the populaire: Albus Dumbledore, wizard and avuncular defender of kiddies, is a Big Help to His Mum. Yes. The Hogwarts headmaster is, er, a head master.

Our source for this shocking intelligence was not, on this occasion, the pervie architects of Harry Potter fan fiction. It was in fact JK herself who chose to disclose Dumbledore’s preference for Kylie, tasteful lighting and c-ck.

When Rowling is not busy fashioning the kind of gaudy sentence that makes your authoress read like Hemingway by contrast, she’s Out There, apparently, sticking it to the man.

At New York City’s Carnegie Hall, Joanne gave the fans the kind of minutiae they tend to eat up with a runcible spoon. Or, indeed, whatever the hell implement practitioners of the dark arts use to feed their unholy faces.

It seems, I’m told by my breeding colleagues, that JK’s info drip filter is emptied with great zeal. She could say, “Well, Snape won’t sleep in anything but fretted linens. And he just loves the music of Spandau Ballet.” (Who doesn’t?)

Apparently, such mild revelations regularly afford a new lens for eager readers. It’s a harmless, job-creating fancy for all concerned. In this way, Rowling is much like the Sydney University Cultural Studies Department.

However, I digress. And so, it seems, do literally thousands of others. The weekend has seen a relentless battery of headlines regarding this “story”. Wiki-reality was transformed no less that 200 times over a period of 24 hours. Bloggers, of course, were in a state.

“Why the hell should a children’s book have to include some idiotic political message?” asks one.

Maybe Rowling is not content to be richer than the Queen, but actually wants to purchase ER as a mantelpiece ornament. This scandal will sell even more books.

Maybe she cares about The Gays.

Whatever her agenda, Rowling has now done much more than Out a fictional character. She’s given a whole lot of boring career pouffes something to crow about.

A gay spokesman told the BBC, “It’s great that JK has said this. It shows that there’s no limit to what gay and lesbian people can do, even being a wizard headmaster.”

And in news just to hand, Gay and Lesbian People have also earned the right to be thick and boring tw-ts. This is the sort of response that deters one from activism. (Well, that and laziness. And the chicks are rarely cute or well groomed.) This is why I turn a hostile shade whenever anyone calls me a Lesbian. Even when delivered respectfully, it is always capitalised and seems as though one has awarded some kind of 25 metre muff-diving certificate.

As I’m sure you’ll agree, enjoying s-x is hardly a newsworthy achievement. Even for the founder of the Order of The Phoenix.

Peter Fray

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Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey