The other night I had dinner with my friend Lee and was filling her in on the campaign trail news, as we are somewhat starved for a social life and tend to grab our jollies from all things political. We shared a laugh or three over K07’s cunning tactic to place himself smack-bang in the middle of the Coalition’s L-plate commercials and mused hypothetically over where the madness would end.

Lee suggested that JWH release a brand new advertisement featuring himself watching Kevin watching John watching Kevin watching John until the entire premise became a gargantuan Matrix-like catastrophe and the space-time continuum folded in on itself.

“Wouldn’t that be hilarity on a grand scale,” I said indulgently, before turning the topic to far more exciting things. Peter Costello apparently forgetting his days as a student radical and launching a blistering attack on the fact that Julia Gillard once attempted to frug to ‘Revolution’ by the Beatles at an on-campus kegger? Captivating.

I’d barely given Lee’s jocular proposal another thought until I opened up the papers and saw that our fearless leader had done just as she’d thought – hastily cobbled together a YouTube smackdown to K07’s ‘why so negative’ zinger and rushed it online. “It’s not negative, it’s not dirty, it’s not personal, it’s true,” Our John responded solemnly, adding that he’d heard for a fact that Kevin wore Speedos and a bra in the shower. The entire thing would be laughable if those involved weren’t taking it so seriously.

Each new “I believe it is you who is incorrect, good sir” commercial resembles one of those Matryoshka dolls where unscrewing the head from one reveals another inside, and another, and another, all the way down until you’re left with a bleatingly pathetic pair of politicians bitch-slapping each other and demanding respect. We’re going straight to last-word hell, people. And it’s all going to be televised. Hold on tight.

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Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
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