The week according to First Dog On The Moon
And the week according to The Anonymous Gagster
Body Shop founder Anita Roddick died. Initial plans for a private funeral have been superseded by a proposal to boil her up and make a face pack … “Letters and Writings from Prison,” The Chaser Annual 2008 is now available for pre-order … DNA tests on Kate and Gerry McCann, parents of disappeared child Madeleine McCann have proved them to be space aliens … Hollywood actor Joaquin Phoenix has joined a campaign against “mulesing” in the Australian wool industry. Direct Action Guarding Sheep held its first protest last week and thanked numerous Australian actors for the suggestion of a name … Anti-solarium campaigner Claire Oliver has died of cancer and will be cremated, for the purposes of continuity, very, very slowly … Queensland governor Ms Quentin Bryce greeted Queensland premier Ms Anna Bligh with a firm handshake. They then moved to a deep kiss and wha wha music started as… oh no that was something else … Following their upset defeat of Australia in the Twenty20 World Championship, the Zimbabwe team were disqualified after random medical testing proved them to be black … John Howard promised he would retire sometime after the next election, probably about 9.30pm on the evening of it … The Chaser team apologised for a crazy stunt in which an ABC program topped the ratings: “We never thought we’d get past the Everybody Loves Raymond repeat on Channel Seven” … Thousands of neglected grease trays got a good clean out as Britney Spears comeback performance reminded people of something … Led Zeppelin are to re-form with John Bonham’s son taking his place on the drums. The Beatles will also re-form, with Stella McCartney taking Ringo’s place on drums, even though he’s not dead yet … Speaking from Cambodia, Lleyton and Bec Hewitt were “devastated” by claims that they had not done all they claimed to help an orphanage. Bec then read out a poem about it and the orphans ran away and rejoined the Khmer Rouge … General David Petraeus told Congress that the recent Iraq initiative had been the most successful surge since Bill met Monica … A four thousand word essay by Fidel Castro was read out in full on Cuban television. Channel Seven have bought the format … US weather officials warned of a looming name shortage for extreme weather events, as Hurricane Humberto met tropical storm Murgatroyd near the Texas coast. There are fears that Americans will not flee potential disatsers if the names are too cute … In astonishing scenes, several black US rappers remain unjailed this week.
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