With all the ruthless and contemporary marketing savvy of a lamington drive, both major parties continue to hawk sugary promise on The Interwebs.

But it’s doubtful that the intended target market will buy any of their half-baked goods. Honestly, they’re kind of stale.

Coconut covered Kevin continues to update his 0h Seven home. Despite best efforts by modern media mandarins, Yoof don’t seem really to care. And why should they? Even an MTV Veejay would get a toothache from the music-video-masquerading-as-policy-declaration.

On Kevin’s relentlessly rockin’ blog Fresh Thinking, you can buy oven-warm hope and read perky comments. He only gets a few more responses than I do on my own rarely visited recess. And, really, all I write about is how little money I earn and the poetry of William Blake.

The ALP also launched Howard Facts. Omitting reference to its sponge-light leader, the party has gone for a sort of conspiracist aesthetic. Presumably, they’re aiming for the nutter demo here.

Those, for example, who like to read about the Reptilian Bloodlines of the New World Order, fake moon landings et al will be charmed to “Find out the facts that Mr Howard and his Government don’t want you to know.”

It’s not the most compelling propaganda artefact. If they embedded that video about the 9/11 plane that rammed into the Pentagon (ooooh, or DID IT?) they’d probably get a few more unique visitors.

Despite earlier mishaps in the new medium, Jam filled John oozes on regardless in YouTube. Now, this APEC promo is really something. You gotta see it.

Little has improved since Howard’s YouTube debut in July. Sure, he has been reminded to change his salutation from “Good Morning” to the more informal and frankly less stupid “Hello There.”

Beyond this, Web 2.0 basics continue to confuse the coalition. Howard is stiff.

There’s no denying this bloke has presence and authority in traditional Top Down media. However, the wanton amateurism of the internet demands lingo less tut-tutty than, “there will be some individuals who want to protest against APEC. I simply ask them to stop for a moment and consider that if they really are worried about issues such as poverty, security and climate change, then they should support APEC and not attack it.”

Featuring unsettling New Age music of the sort you’d hear in a Day Spa, this high-end brochure will achieve little beyond alienating its media savvy audience.

The young, damnit, can smell bullsh-t.

However, it’s worth a look for the charms of “APEC Spokesman” Anne Fulwood who introduces us to the unwieldy term “Dignitary Protection Event.”

A partial purpose of this video is to help tousled Yoof reconsider APEC protests. John is really not convincing. Anne, however, really is after a saucy dominatrix fashion. When she purses her well-maintained lips rather like a Canteen Lady and tells us to STOP, we’re inclined to remove our hand from the cookie jar.

But, I can’t help but imagine the delightful spanking I’d get if I dared to disobey.

Web 2.0 effort on all sides promises to get even more absurd.

Peter Fray

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Peter Fray
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