Hey, J Dogg. My Hot, Live-cam girl. I’m worried and I would like to proffer my help as your New Media Consultant..
You chose the words “Good Morning,” to open your thrilling YouTube debut.
This actually broke my heart a little. Had none of the street-chic skateboarding mandarins in Emerging Media explained the concept of online video to you? You know, J Dude, maybe there are some peeps who will watching this shizzle at times other than the morning. Why not try a more multipurpose “yo” for your initial salutation?
This, for a start, would have immediately engaged the attention of that crucial bong-packing young male demographic. A simple “yo” is all it takes, J Dogg. (And, possibly, just a little Hip Hop mise-en-scène. If I had been directing this compelling video, I’d have popped a discrete crack pipe on the Prime Ministerial desk and possibly a framed signed picture of the Hilltop Hoods.)
Yes. These Sean John-clad digital visionaries failed to adequately describe the crazy idea of On Demand viewing to you, Prime Minister. They also neglected to mention that YouTube videos must actually be mildly entertaining in order to seduce an audience. Obviously, talk of “cap-and-trade emissions” programs is no competition for exploding rodents, cute kittens or Celebrity Blowj-b Smackdown.
Now, I’m no new-media expert. In fact, despite strenuous efforts and frequent use of such Google-garnering terms as Live, Nude and Chloe Sevigny, I manage to attract about four users a day to my personal weblog. However, I do think I might have done a better job than the Coalition’s hippest in engaging with the young wifi crowd.
First, I might have actually thought to look on the internet to discover those things that the callow and well-dressed seem to enjoy. The Top 100 Australian Blogging Index provides some useful clues.
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There is a gentleman blogger on this Hit Parade called Tim Blair who seems to be popular with the kids. As he appears to be the sort who would leap at the chance to be your Facebook Friend. I wonder that no-one called him for advice. Using Mr Blair’s sterling Web 2.0 example, you could TOTALLY PWN the next federal election. This, it seems to me, involves mildly convincing displays of lexical competence and saying peevish things about the Crikey editor. (This, actually, sounds just like a morning at myhouse.)
So, anyway, they should do a bit more of that for you, J Dogg. Another popular blogging trope (and one I have employed myself with limited success) is to drink a lot, have s-x with an Inner Urban Hottie and then write about it, OMG. This could work. Do you think Janette would mind?
Another idea would be to list My Chemical Romance as one of your, like, totally favourite bands. Of course, I know that gangsta rap remains your preferred musical diversion, but I am concerned you’re losing the emo fans.
Give me a minute and I’ll start a self-harm site for you on blogspot.