Interviewer: Oh doctor, you’re in trouble.

Haneef: Well, goodness gracious me.

Interviewer: For every time the AFP
Puts questions to you, see,
A flush comes to your face,
And your pulse begins to race,
It goes boom diddy-boom, diddy-boom, diddy-boom, diddy-boom, diddy-boom, diddy-boom-boom-boom-boom, Boom diddy-boom, diddy-boom, diddy-boom … Well, goodness gracious me.

Haneef: From New Delhi to Darjeeling,
I have done my share of healing,
And I’ve never shot a gun or built a bomb.
I remember that with one jab
Of my needle in the Punjab,
How I took out Al Zahari
And the dreaded Al Zarquawi,
But your complaint suggests that this is where I’m from.

(Remaining pages deleted by AFP supervising officer. To hear an audio file of this interview, click here.)

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