We’ve got him! After thirteen months on the road, schmoozing through the fleshpots and seedy bars of Europe and Asia Minor, the Kookas have finally found their man – Antonios “Fat Tony” Mokbel, aka “Mr Ice,” has been nicked in Greece.

Mokbel, a tragic Collingwood supporter, said he gave himself up because he was desperate to get back to Eddie McGuire’s footy team and away from his nagging girlfriend, Danielle McGuire. If it’s good enough for Paris Hilton, it’s good enough for Tony Mokbel, he intimated.

Looking fabulously tanned and relieved to be back in safe hands (see the before [top] and after shots below), Antonios seemed happy to smile at the cameras and tell waiting reporters of his desire to use a stand-up shower, and a sit-down toilet after more than a year on the run around the Mediterranean rim.


Australia’s most wanted criminal will always be infamous for doing a runner on his $180 million drug empire in March last year, after being tipped off that he was about to be charged with a gangland murder by one of his former hitmen, who turned stoolpigeon.

But to the Kooka Brothers, he’ll always be remembered as the disgusting man who rushed forward to kiss the cadaver at serial killer Benji Veniamin’s funeral in March 2004 before acceptances, thereby anointing himself capo de capo of the Sunshine Scum gang. It was a truly gruesome twosome. It was sickening.

When Fat Tony was charged with inciting others to import drugs in October 2005, he was driving a red Ferrari, had $40,000 cash in his Prada handbag and had SIX mobile phones about his person. He also had bad breath, dandruff and appalling taste in just about everything.

Fat Tony has lost no weight on his Druggists’ Annual World Discovery Tour and has obviously not given up his love for mug punting. A reported Interpol sting to pick him up at the $7.4 million Dubai World Cup race meeting in early April was said to have backfired when Antonios (supposedly wearing a burkha) slipped through their fingers when he found there were no on-course bookmakers. The Kookas believe this story to be apocryphal.

The Moreland High boy has come a long way from his previous chosen career as a milk bar owner in outer suburban Rosanna.

When and if he gets back, he’s in big trouble with his mother. Also, he has left two brothers, a sister-in-law and “Baby Face” Williams rotting in jail. They are not happy. Neither are some of his former girlfriends and business associates.

Oh, and he’s been sentenced, in his absence, to a minimum of nine years’ jail (take care in there) for importing 2kg of cocaine. He has subsequently been charged over the murder of underworld figure Lewis Moran in the front bar of Melbourne’s Brunswick Club in March 2004.

Half a dozen other conspiracy to murder charges (including Michael Marshall and, on 6 February, 2006, Mario Condello – the last man killed in the great Melbourne gangland war) may be added. Victorian Premier Steve Bracks is unlikely to give his fellow countryman a character reference. And he can forget about bail this time – we hope.

Despite claims that Antonios has done some bad things in selling $100 million worth of nasty methylamphetamine drugs to children, and has the blood of some dozen people dripping from his hands, the Kookas believe he should be given a fair trial before they throw away the key. We are prepared to donate our share of the $1 million reward to our favourite charity.

Welcome back Antonios. Home is always our favourite destination, too. Your lawyers are delighted you are safe and their clock has started ticking. Suffer the children. Damn the consequences. Carn the Pies!

* The Kooka Brothers© have dedicated their lives to vanquishing villains since their first Melbourne gangland funeral in 1998. Their opus “Ganglands: The Musical”© is nearing completion.