Loud, confident and never mind being quite possibly wrong, that’s the secret of successful tabloid publishing.

What’s the true story of Prince William’s bust up with Kate Middleton? Who knows? Certainly not Fleet Street.

“Wills” was told by his dad to make an honest woman of Kate or ditch her, according to the The Observer; no, it was his grandfather the Duke of Edinburgh said the The News of the World, as a matter of fact it was the Queen at a high powered royal family ”summit” said The News of the World several paragraphs later apparently overcome.

Or was it that Kate was too common? Her mother, after all, is nothing more than an ex-air stewardess, writes The Mail on Sunday. According to The Sun, Middleton and William, second in line to the throne, are thought to have decided to split after long discussions while at an exclusive resort in Zermatt.

Presumably part of this heart to heart was Kate’s mum’s unfortunate habit of referring to the ”lavatory” as a ”toilet”. ”Was it toiletgate?” asked the normally authoritative The Daily Telegraph.

The Mirror’s James Whittaker sums it up: “I just don’t think she had the breeding quite honestly and I’m not being snooty I’m being factual.”

And not before time.