We’re all such eco-friendly, tree-caressing, bucket-toting do-gooders these days it’s excruciating. If we steal something it’s a water tank. 

Take a look at a tiny sample of the earnest stories that are flooding the media:

  • When it comes to beauty products, not only must you consider your carbon footprint (emissions you are responsible for) and wider ecological footprint (the resources you consume and their impact), but there’s now a new campaign by the BUAV (British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection) which measures your cruelty footprint, too. How many animals died to make sure your brand of mascara or moisturiser doesn’t trigger common allergies? — Lucy Siegle, The Observer
  • We just found out that Steve Shriver, avid athlete and founder of one of our favorite organic lip balm companies, Eco Lips, is running an Organic Endurathon. What does that mean? It means that Steve is running across the state of Iowa in ten marathons, in ten days, all while being fueled by 100% organic food and beverages and wearing nothing but 100% sustainable performance wear! The 260-mile run wraps up in an Earth Day celebration in Iowa City on April 22nd but along the way, Steve and his team are making stops at schools, organic farms and stores to educate people about organics and the benefits of a sustainable lifestyle in Iowa. — Kara DeCamillo, Treehugger
  • Public relations companies are reporting that more clients want to be linked sympathetically to hot issues such as the environment, sustainability and ethical investing. And this time, they say, it’s fair dinkum — the spin is on the decline. — Julian Lee, SMH

Aaargh! Enough already. Eco-suck-jobs like these may well save the earth, but they threaten to leave it the most boring place in the universe. 

It’s time to break out. Do it now, lean out your window and yell: ”f-ck the next generation, I’ll take my future to go thanks very much! Fast, trans-fat fried and drive-through!”

Feel better? Thought you might. Try this one too: Jot down your top six ideas for screwing the habitat and send them to [email protected].

The best entrant (chosen in an entirely arbitrary and non-negotiable process) will win Crikey’s Planet F-cker Pack, a basket of no-biodegradable goodies including:

One vintage garden sprinkler

A set of supermarket plastic bags

A pack of disposable nappies

A copy of Andrew Bolt’s Still Not Sorry

A set of polystyrene picnic cups

A small bottle of Evian

Round-up concentrate

A packet of unfiltered Gauloises

Various cheeses.

(We would have liked to included a two-stroke leaf blower and a stretch Hummer, but we ran out of budget.)

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Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
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