The world’s best batsmen know what it’s like to be afraid of Brett Lee. Now it’s our turn.

The Weet-Bix Kid has revealed he is riding high on the Indian pop charts after teaming up with Bollywood superstar Asha Bhosle for a duet. The song is massive in cricket-mad India.

The fear that a guitar slinging sportsman can strike into anyone with, well, ears is well known.

Pat Cash often sends people stampeding to the exits at late night bars in Grand Slam cities when he cranks up the axe and lets rip with his Iron Maiden favourites. Jim Courier’s drumming with REM in Melbourne in 1995 caused such trauma for Bill Berry that he quit the group and vowed never to sit behind a drum kit again.

And Brett has form. He was in “6 and Out” with his brother Shane and a bunch of other Two Blues rock tryhards.

So, if they insist on recording careers, here are a few suggestions for some other would be pop stars from the cricket pitch:

FREDDY FLINTOFF – “WOT?” (BY CAPTAIN SENSIBLE): Captain Sensible rode to fame with a punk band called The Damned. It’s a perfect fit for the Captain of The Damned. In the song The Captain continually asks “Wot?” as in, “Wot was that that just hit me like a road train at the speed of light?” Freddy could emote this, I’m sure.

PAUL COLLINGWOOD – “SEVENTEEN” (BY JANIS IAN): He’s got an MBE you know. So does Geoffery Boycott, but he’s given his to the cat to wear around its neck whilst it rummages through his rubbish. Why? Collingwood made 17 runs in the 2005 Ashes series to earn a gong. Boycott put generations of cricket fans to sleep for two decades to get his. Not happy, huh, Geoffrey? And I’m sure that Warnie’s sledging to the combative Pom in Sydney was nothing more than the spin king teaching him the lyrics to this heartbreaker.

KEVIN PIETERSEN – “BIG MOUTH STRIKES AGAIN” (BY THE SMITHS): First it was that Flock of Seagulls haircut that suggested it, then he opened his mouth and proved it. KP has the IQ of a pontiac potato. His bitching about being a victim of racism in South Africa was the start of it. Someone take this prat to Robben Island for a visit next time he’s home. And then there was his portrayal of Hansie Cronje as a victim that topped it off. Bigmouth takes strike again. Batting at number five for England.

Peter Fray

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