“Satisfactory progress” – I can’t think of a single interesting thing to say about him/her
“A born leader” – Runs a protection racket
“Easy going” – Bone idle
“Lively” – Thoroughly disruptive
“Good progress” – If you think his/her work is bad now, you should have seen it a year ago
“A sensitive child” – Never stops whining
“Helpful” – Creep
“Adventurous” – Will break his/her neck before the year’s out
“Reliable” – Grasses on his mates
“Has difficulty in forming stable relationships” – I can’t stand him/her either
“Expresses himself confidently” – Cheeky little bastard
“Enjoys all PE activities” – Thug
“Has had a lot of minor illnesses” – Truants regularly
“Friendly” – Never shuts up
“Easily distracted” – Hasn’t produced a single piece of good work all year
“Works better in a small group” – Daren’t take my eyes off him for a second
“Imaginative” – Lies and cheats regularly
“Needs praise and encouragement” – Thick as two short planks
“Expresses himself clearly” – Foul mouthed
“Keen to do well” – Egotistical
“All his/her work is of a high standard” – He/she has ambitious middle class parents
“Does not accept authority easily” – Dad’s doing time
“Is easily upset” – Spoilt rotten
“Often appears tired” – Stays up till all hours watching horror movies or is into glue sniffing
“Works better at practical activities” – Totally illiterate
“Good with his hands” – Light fingered
“A rather solitary child” – Smells or has nits
“Independent minded” – Totally obstinate
“Enjoys extra-curricular activities” – Flogs cigarettes
“Determined” – Completely lacking all scruples
“Inclined to day dream” – In one ear and out the other
“A good sense of humour” – Teases other kids mercilessly
“Reads well aloud” – In love with his/her own voice
“A quiet child” – Lacking any individuality whatsoever
“Easily influenced” – The class fall guy
“Popular at play centre” – Sells pornography
“A vivid imagination” – Never short of an excuse
“A very inquisitive mind” – Often playing Doctors and Nurses
“Does not give classes his full attention” – Smokes in the lavatory
“Often needs guidance” – Never out of the headmaster’s study
“Chooses his friends carefully” – National Front

Our full doublespeak list on the site here.

Peter Fray

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