“Thorough airing of all the issues” – they were shouting at each other

“The talks were inconclusive” – they got nowhere and we won’t be meeting again

“Agreed to look at all the issues in depth” – they don’t even have a starting agenda

“Agreed to pursue the issue at a technical level” – it will be buried in a committee somewhere

“Agreed to broaden the agenda to encompass other matters” – Plan A didn’t work, so let’s try Plan B

“Economical with the truth” – lied through his teeth

“Caught in a compromising situation” – his wife caught him humping the maid or he was flogging military info to the Reds


“There’s only one poll that matters.” Gosh, that last Newspoll was bad
“It’s time for generational change” – I’m younger than the guy I’m challenging
“Experience matters” – I’m older than the guy I’m challenging
“We’re going to stay the course” – we’re stuck; we can’t get out
“… is un-Australian” – I don’t agree with him/her/it
“Our research shows” – we typed a few words into Google and plagiarised other people
“Our research indicates” – we talked among ourselves and agreed it’s a good idea
resigning to spend time with my family” – I’m leaving now to minimise
the damage to my party when my embezzling scandal drops next week


“We’re long term investors” – we’d like to sell but can’t find anyone to take it off our hands
“Our people are our most important asset” – we pay our people far too much
“Management initiated separation” – sacked


“Controversial” – I don’t agree with it but since I’m a journalist I’m not supposed to express my personal opinion
“Many observers think” – I think
“Informed speculation suggests” – I think
“Leichardt is booming” – I just bought in Leichardt so I want property values to go up there
is the white hot epicentre” – I just bought in Leichardt and I have a
massive mortgage so I really want property values to go up there
“Locked in crisis talks” – talking, or maybe not
“Tragedy” – anything we think will sell a ton of newspapers or advertising
“Three minutes to midnight” – still talking, or maybe not
“Talks dragged on for a third day” – still talking, or maybe not
“Talks broke down” – not still talking, or maybe they are
“Grim faced” – didn’t stop and pose for our cameraman
“Sources who refused to be named for fear of losing their jobs” – I couldn’t find a source so I made it up
“Bubbly” – stupid
“Bubbly and fun loving” – stupid, got drunk at a party, seen on the dance floor waving her knickers above her head
“Statuesque” – big-boned
“Hairdresser to the stars” – coke addict, owns a powerboat
“Intense” – sociopath
“Driven” – sociopath
“Ambitious” – sociopath but conceals it well
“Dreamer” – impractical
“Visionary” – impractical, big spender
“Passionate” – obsessive
“Quirky” – weirdo
“Eccentric” – weirdo, probably serial killer
“Charismatic” – obsessive
“Rumpled” – dresses badly, smells, suspicious food stains on clothes

CRIKEY: And the full doublespeak list is up on the website here.