Life story:
Many Crikey readers would have seen a lewd, crude – and hilarious – spoof Latham Diaries
that did the rounds last year. It appears that Wayne Errington and
Peter van Onselen’s John Howard biography has been scooped by something
similar by the mock Latham Diaries’ authors – something too hot even for Crikey. We’d still like to see a copy, though.

Decisions, decisions: Three cornered contests are a vexing
problem for the Liberals and the Nats – particularly in Queensland. We
hear that local Liberal party president and former minister Warwick
Parer consulted the country cousins on the subject before Christmas and
came out with a deal where the Libs wouldn’t run in a number of seats,
including one where they had already preselected a candidate. Factional
force, however, couldn’t get the agreement approved by the party’s
state council. Indeed, they expressed their views of the deal and the
Nationals quite forcefully. A further meeting with the country cousins
is on the cards.

A whale of a time in Antarctica: With a whaling war on our
doorstep, why doesn’t Australia go to the proper international maritime
agency and demand that they make Greenpeace and Japanese whalers hand
over their GPS navigation logs. Navigation equipment shows ships’
speed, direction and position – and should also show who’s behaving
like bloody idiots in the icy waters to our south.

Members first:
The Adelaide Advertiser carried a suggestion
by South Australian Liberal state president Chris Moriarty last week to
kick MPs off the party’s state council. Oddly enough, sources say that
the afternoon before Moriarty spoke to the Tiser he was down the pub with an MP – and not just any MP, but wannabe leader Martin Hamilton-Smith.

Who loves ya, baby: Why haven’t we heard more about the West Valley Directory, the company that awarded Alexander Downer its, er, prestigious Man of the Year award? Have a look at their homepage. It’s rather as if the Gawler Bunyip had decided to honour Condoleezza Rice.