Today is a significant day
in my life. I am officially eligible to incorporate as an Australian
entity ie. become a citizen of Australia. I have been notified by email
that my formal interview will take place on 10 June, by which time I
should be aware of my responsibilities and privileges as an Australian

Lucky I’ve got over a month to learn them. Being the
diligent applicant that I am, I’ve already come up with a handy anagram
to help me remember my duties – DOSE – Defend, Obey, Serve, and Enrol.

first one “defend” has given me second thoughts – I am required to
defend Australia – should the need arise. It means that if we’re under
attack, I would be expected, as part of an agreement with the state and
in exchange for the privileges granted to me, to help fight off any
external threats to the nation. Holy shit… I don’t want to die for
Australia – all I want is a passport, and the right to live and work
here, and maybe running water. None of those are worth more than my
life, well to me at least.

What if Australia is threatened?
Suppose the mighty southern forces of New Zealand become antagonised
about the quantity of sheep jokes directed at them and decide to launch
a surprise attack on Port Botany? By virtue of my location in an
urbanely renewed apartment – I’ll be right there on the front line!
I’ll have to thwart the Kiwi insurgency through Alexandria towards the
airport and hold the strategic Surry Hills. But how? I have no military
training; I’m sh*t scared of Maori warriors, they’ll beat the cr*p out
of me without knowing I was in their way.

Read the full story on the site here.