Conservative Herald Sun columnist Andrew Bolt likes to appear somewhat above his detractors. So it’s hardly surprising he’s avoided attending any of the sold-out performances of the Melbourne season of The Big Con, the Max Gillies/Eddie Perfect/Guy Rundle political satire which lines up the usual suspects for ridicule : John Howard, Philip Ruddock, Alan Jones, Keith Windshuttle, Amanda Vanstone, Alexander Downer — and Andrew Bolt.

The show is profane, angry and black, even by the rather more tolerant standards applied to political satire. And in the song about Bolt, comedian/pianist Eddie Perfect pretends to be Bolt’s son and sings lyrics such as (to the best of Crikey’s memory):

It was so hard when I was growing up… Dad used to say that so many things which were happening weren’t true. He said it was all “ice-creams and parties” for the aboriginals in Rabbit Proof Fence, but if they were so happy “why did they walk 4,000 kilometres home?”

I said the kids were stolen – he said they were just borrowed for a while. But he got angry when I said I wish that I was just borrowed too.

I think it’s sad – the truth is he’s just a “small man” who doesn’t understand that spreading love is harder than spreading fear or hate.

And these are the tame bits.

If someone was saying these sorts of things about you, you’d want to know about it, right? So why hasn’t Bolt turned up? Will he come late to the now-extended season?

Actually it turns our Bolt is not quite as aloof as he might like us to think. He contacted writer Guy Rundle (using his wife’s email address) and asked for a copy of the lyrics. Rundle hasn’t replied, so if Bolt wants to know what they’re singing about him he’ll going to have take himself down to the Malthouse theatre in Melbourne and see for himself. (The song will be dropped in the upcoming Canberra season.)

Get Crikey for $1 a week.

Lockdowns are over and BBQs are back! At last, we get to talk to people in real life. But conversation topics outside COVID are so thin on the ground.

Join Crikey and we’ll give you something to talk about. Get your first 12 weeks for $12 to get stories, analysis and BBQ stoppers you won’t see anywhere else.

Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
12 weeks for just $12.