When Mary Donaldson became Princess of Denmark, AUSQUEEN called for her to become Queen of Australia. For the first time in our history, Australians were given a fair dinkum choice of Monarch and from AUSQUEEN INC’s extensive research and analysis the choice seemed obvious.

We propose a simple swap. We get an Aussie Queen Mary as Queen of Australia and Denmark can have the British Queen. As Gough Whitlam has pointed out, Denmark getting Liz and Phil would make perfect sense because, Prince Phillip, Duke of Edinburgh is actually Prince Phillip of Greece and Denmark.

Over the past 8 months Princess Mary has proven herself to be the perfect Royal.

She has out performed all other Royals by appearing most weeks on the cover of women’s magazines, which have most importantly featured endless articles speculating about a royal pregnancy.

Her deportment is excellent and her hand waving technique is exceptional.

She is extremely elegant and looks good in a hat. She always chooses the right outfit and would never be seen in a tasteless nazi uniform.

She is good at exclusive and expensive sports, the Aussie variety of yacht racing and not that weird and cruel sport of fox hunting which is an obsession of the English ruling class.

It is now time for Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy to nail their true colours to the mast and publicly declare whether they want an embarrassing British Royal family or a bright and beautiful Australian/Danish Monarch.

Why not make the switch now and avoid being associated with the embarrassing royal flop that Charles and Camilla’s wedding promises to be.

As Marve and Doris who have travelled all the way from Wagga to stalk Princess Mary said, “We’ve got the details of all her hotels and will be following her all week. But I wouldn’t catch the 214 bus from West Ryde to catch a glimpse of a silly old Englishman with big ears and bad taste. Thank God for Mary, she’s given all us funny ol’ Royal watchers something to live for again.”

Get Crikey for $1 a week.

Lockdowns are over and BBQs are back! At last, we get to talk to people in real life. But conversation topics outside COVID are so thin on the ground.

Join Crikey and we’ll give you something to talk about. Get your first 12 weeks for $12 to get stories, analysis and BBQ stoppers you won’t see anywhere else.

Peter Fray
Peter Fray
Editor-in-chief of Crikey
12 weeks for just $12.