Hot political commentator my *rse. Guess who spent election eve sitting solo on the sofa watching Bridget Jones’ Diary. Ha! It’s just as bad when you’re male, single and thirtysomething – actually make that male, single and less than six months short of your fortieth. So if these random election weekend jottings seem skewed by something, you know what’s to blame…

  • It’s the economy, stupid. There. Someone had to say it. All of us experts who couldn’t see the wood for the trees. Plenty of reasons for a change of government – but no single overwhelming cause.
  • Who’s going to be first to refer to the electoral “doughnut effect”: how the Kooyongs, the Higgins, the North Sydneys, the Warringahs, the Boothbys – the old blue ribbon Liberal seats – have swung to the ALP while in the outer suburbs the Astons and the Hughes have become even safer Liberal?
  • The Prime Minister blowing the surplus – a symbolic castration of the Treasurer?
  • Antony Green’s joke of the night – the references to cricket fans in Parramatta. Antony Green’s most obscure joke of the night? The reference to Mrs Ivan Molloy. For the rest of the nation and all bar the worst wonks, Queenslanders are still joking about that v-e-r-y low cut top she wore on the night of the state election.
  • Election day column? Shaun Carney in The Age came closest. Read it here.
  • Family First in Victoria. Up on the back of the Dems? How did Labor blow the preferences? What went wrong with all those efforts to protect Jacinta Collins.
  • Clever, clever, clever – the decision of the Tassie Libs to only run three Senate candidates. No nasty unfilled quota issues. Who thought up that one?
  • Speech of the night – defacto speech of the night – Kim Beazley with Kerry O’Brien. He effectively conceded for the bloke who beat him for the leadership just 10 years ago. He took the blow. He effectively said it would have been much, much worse if he had been there. A moment for the hardcore political junkie to treasurer – and to think Michelle dissed him for it . Cow. So he’s had plenty of experience losing. So what? Former defence minister? Jeez. He’d make a good general. I’d die in a ditch for the Bomber. Henry before Agincourt stuff.
  • Did Iron Mark sook up? Had he been crying? Was he about to cry as he conceded? Is that why the speech suddenly sped up? Was he just saved by the crowd? And where was Janine? She’d been by his side all the time. She’d introed him at the launch. Too upset?
  • Peter King. What looked like paid workers setting up signs and wrap on polling booths early in the evening on Friday – and security guards? Who the hell paid?
  • A government majority in the Senate. Nick Minchin, Deputy Senate Leader, has been a fan of voluntary voting in the past. Will he push for legislation? What about optional preferential voting? That would b*gger the Greens. It would destroy their leverage completely. Not that they need much, after Bob Brown’s inept boastfulness of Friday – and the pathetic results. Did they run second in any seat in the country? Naaaaaah! And where are all those Senators? Dems preferences have seen of Greens in Victoria and New South Wales for sure – and is Christine Milne a dead cert?
  • There are 1,700 RARA votes still out there, thanks to the extension granted to postal voting by the Electoral Commission due to the various stuff-ups. Where are they going to go, hey? What’s the betting that every single one of those voters receives a personal call from the Nationals?
  • Okay. We wuz robbed. The interest rates line was a load of bullsh. But Labor never came up with a pressing reason to vote for Iron Mark in 25 words or less. “I’m ready to lead, he’s ready to leave.” Puh-leaze! Think of it this way. The lying rodent has lied his way back in – but at least he hasn’t done it at the expense of people as wretched as the refugees on the Tampa or the victims of SIEV X.
  • A new index? Watch how the Senate vote appears and check for correlation with media stock prices. Cross ownership will have to be on the agenda again if the Government controls both houses. Who would miss such a chance to suck up to the magnates?
  • Finally, a sacred duty for all Crikey readers. If anyone tells you that they’re going to leave the country because John Howard’s won a fourth term, beat the crap out of them. Self righteous, self indulgent little sh*ts. Either they’re for him or should be fighting against him – not behaving like luvvies.