The Sporting Shooters Association bulletin board has taken time out from discussing the prospect of losing their lethal toys of war to deconstruct Crikey and all we stand for.

From:Hunter Valley NSW

Date:30-Oct-2002

Comment:

CRIKEY !!!

Some days ago, someone here said we’ve been mentioned at ‘Crikey’. I’ve only
just now had a chance to check out what this ‘Crikey’ thingy is all about –
and I am not amused !

From the word go, they’re on the derogatory and offensive. They start with
“The sporting shooters misfire” … and give some postings lifted of SSAA
GB, dealing mainly with the Monash shooting, in where I and other GB
contributors had commented on the ethnic aspect of that crime, and on the
propensity for certain ethnic groups to commit crime at a rate above the
average ! It seems ‘Crikeys’ beef had to do with what they spuriously took
to be racist content – forget the fact that the Australian Prime Minister,
various State Premiers, and many serious commentators, police heavies, etc.,
have made the same observations.

Interestingly, the headings they ascribed to each of the lifted SSAA
postings, were fictitious – headings such as “Lets all be civilly
disobedient”, “Howard is a wanker”, “How did this Asian get licensed”,
“Asians cant understand the range instructions” … these were all
fictitious and NOT part of the original authors work. But no qualification
to this effect was given by ‘Crikey’, implying that the headings were the
posters, and thus adding fuel to the fraudulent racist claim.

They began their page with the following comments; “Some advocates for the
gun cause should just stay quiet but since theyve decided to share their
wisdom with the world, heres some of it packaged up for you:”

Hmmm, well … some pretenders at journalistic competence should just stay
quite, but since they’ve decided to share their drivel with the world, let
me package some of it for you.

I opened various ‘Crikey’ pages but not all. You see, after what seemed an
eternity of dull moments, the ennui (a feeling of listlessness and
dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement ) set in.
Other than bloated egos, no lack of tortured grammar and syntax, oh, and a
dearth of apostrophes, I found nothing there … there’s nothing really
there guys …

In a page called ‘All About Us’ they say “Here’s the drum – all great
magazines have a philosophy – The Economist has one, so does The New
Scientist. Even Dolly’s got one if you look hard enough, so here’s ours:”
… and then they follow this some confused drivel about their philosophy .
Well ! You ‘Crikey’ guys – comparing yourselves to The Economist, New
Scientist and all … you owe me a new keyboard, damn it ! Although …
Hmmm … your comparison to Dolly – that might work – OK, you get a brownie
point for THAT !

Now, let’s see – who are these great personages that make up the formidable
‘Crikey’ team ? What bastions of truth, righteousness and noble cause are we
dealing with here ? From “The Crikey Crew” we get (edited by me for brevity
and sarcasm);

Stephen Mayne Is extremely tall and, many argue, extremely mad. After
deciding to rat on his old boss Jeff Kennett, he created the jeffed.com site
and tried unsuccessfully to stand during the Victorian election in September
1999. Fed up with the mainstream media and a failure as a political
candidate, Mayne had no option but to go online … In fact, Mayne is
probably Australia’s most unsuccessful candidate having failed to get on 15
boards, failed in a tilt for Melbourne Lord Mayor and failed to win the
Burwood by-election”

Oh, good – a tall, mad rat whose failed at just about everything ! Failed at
this – failed at that – and he my friends, believe it or not, appears to be
boss hog at ‘Crikey’.

– Next; “Con Christov Is Crikey’s technocrat and is aptly nicknamed
‘gadget’. Christov and Mayne met at Ivanhoe Grammar way back in 1986.
“Christ with an ov on the end” is university pedigreed in IT and has done
his “battery programmer” apprenticeship with multi-nationals such as
Glaxo-Wellcome, Kodak, Phillip Morris, Utilicorp and Telstra”

Wonderful ! A technocrat who has messianic delusions, and has well served
the corporations which saturate humanity and the planet with their
pharmaceutical, tobacco, and microwave poisons ! Obviously these
qualifications somehow (but we’re not told how) imbue him with deep
sociopolitical insights !

– “Next; Hillary Bray At night, Hillary Bray dreams of what happened after
… (some political remmisness – his own presumably) … (and) wanders the
corridors of Parliament House racked with guilt … Xanax and alcohol
haven’t helped …”

Crikey – I’m leaving HER alone !!!

– Next; “Neal “Crullers” Woolrich Crullers is the undisputed ladies’ man
and man’s man of the Crikey team. Having tired of constantly sharpening
pencils and lacing up the brown shoes, Crullers quit his job as a tax
advisor and followed his lifelong ambition of doing as little work as
possible for as much return as possible … he has taken on the Packers and
the banking fat cats, wound up Gerry Harvey about the ACCC, and made up for
Mayne’s lack of remuneration by gorging himself at the post-AGM feeding
troughs. Crullers likes nothing more than to tie in an obscure reference to
junk culture in his AGM reports. Until now, no-one believed it possible to
include a reference to Muddy Waters, Ali G, the Fonz and Pinky Tuscadero, or
a World Wrestling Federation wrestler in an AGM report …”

Ladies man AND mans man ? Are we to assume this guy’s a fag ? Why not just
come out and say so ? He got tired of sharpening pencils at his job as a tax
advisor, and THEN decided to do as little as possible for the most reward ?
What WAS he doing in the first place ? He bags high achievers and other fat
cats, but he himself wants to do as little as possible for maximum reward.
He robs Peter to pay Paul (or rather, Neal) by gorging on shareholders funds
from corporations unrelated to other corporations from which he’s failed to
gorge upon… and this, by his own admission … Sheesh !

– Next; Mark Cornwall.

For brevity, I won’t labour on Mark Though distinctly unremarkable, he
actually sounds like a decent sort of a chappie ! Oh, I could quibble about
one or two points, but all I’ll say, is Mark ! – LEAVE ‘CRIKEY’ –
IMMEDIATELY !

– Next; “Hugo Kelly Crikey’s media, politics, business and sports
commentator”

There was some long, loooooooong winded spiel (part of the 4 million words
ya pays ya $66 bucks for at ‘Crikey’) about this guy being elected
Venezualan President in a 1998 landslide victory, but then the editor
reveals it’s only a little joke … Teh heh heh ! Guys, com’on face it –
he’s just a squatter ya’s found overnight, and adopted !

– Next; “Dan McNutt Dan McNutt is … tall, dark and mad – In touch with
the true feelings of the average man and woman in the street, Dan provides
the acerbic, straightforward, hard-hitting viewpoints … Dan loathes all
politicians with a vengeance … Other favourite targets in his free-fire
zone include, but not exclusively, city fools in 4WDs, A-List wankers,
poseurs, useless taxi drivers, self-aggrandising sports ‘heroes, the IOC and
any other tall poppies who come within range to be cut down”

I am ever so glad there is a tall dark and mad hater of all successful
things, in touch with my true feelings. Thank you ‘Crikey’.

– Next; Thalia Meyerhold … a European conceptual artist, performer and
cultural theorist. Born in a small village near Bratislava to a Slovenian
mother and a Russian father … travel(ed) the world, performing minimalist
dance pieces and reading poetry in languages deliberately chosen for their
unfamiliarity to her audiences … performing at … off-beat cultural
manifestations such as the … the Garlic Festival in California … Her
hobbies are … critical theory and making cheese.

It should be noted guys – dancing at Californian garlic festivals and the
ability to make cheese are really really important in the cutting edge
journalism ! OK – OK – Thalia’s CV doesn’t sound all that bad – she
actually sounds like a real cool wog girl – take it from this uncool wog boy!

OK – I’ll try to be brief with the rest.
– Next; Gordon Gong … spends his days surfing, his nights drinking and,
well, … Gordon Gong dreams of one day writing for the Illawarra Mercury.

Ah ! The old ‘gong, eh Gordon ? I too remember sipping chocolate malts at
the Parthenon cafe, and cruising up and down Crown St in my V8 Monaro whilst
dreaming of shagging those spunky sheilas behind the dressing rooms of North
Beach. Stop dreaming Gordon, and stick with the failure ethos at ‘Crikey’

– Next; “Charles Cameron Kingston Like most South Australians, (he) has
time on his hands. Unlike most South Australians, Kingston has decided that
there are better uses this can be put to than committing bizarre murders.
Instead, Kingston wants to offer non-sycophantic or spoonfed coverage of
South Australian politics and affairs as no-one does that – particularly the
local media”

I plead NO CONTEST – you guys figure this one out !

There are more … but you get the idea ! The omitted are similar to the
committed ! Oh, there’s one guy who likes to “eat as many species of
wildlife as possible” – presumably by wringing their necks or something
equally bizarre – certainly without shooting them. Now I can forgive all
the buffoonery. I can forgive all the bloated egos, etc., but people who
can’t even quote correctly one of the greatest men that ever lived are just
unpardonable. I unfortunately happened to stumble on the ‘Bali Bombing’ page
during my first and last visit to ‘Crikey’ and amongst all the confused
drivel, the tortured ramblings, and the lack of a singular rational thread
of a logical thought or idea, I found this …

*** All that is needed to morally, and practically, justify this stance is
contained in two adages.
“All that is required for evil to triumph is for good men and women to do
nothing.” ***

Ah, woe betide those who profane the memory of this great man, Edmund Burke,
by spastically torturing his words. In it’s unadulterated form, that famous
and enduring quote is;

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing”

Edmund Burke – that great 18th century Irish philosopher / politician /
orator, who is regarded by modern Conservatives as the greatest of their
theorists, and who was, incidentally … heh heh … very pro gun. The fools
– little do they know that along with his other, “the price of freedom is
eternal vigilance”, both are virtually logos to the Australian League Of
Rights” a very pro gun, pro freedom organisation !

And there we have it ladies and gentlemen – a bunch of losers, by their own
admission. Time and again, failed aspirants to political office – failures
at commerce and free enterprise, now devoting their time and energies at the
‘honourable’ task of sibilating at, and salivating over any worthwhile or
successful group of achievers – like the majority of sporting shooters for
instance. I am reminded of Alexander Popes couple of lines (from ‘Sporus’
form memory) …

Thus ill bred spaniels civilly delight
At barking at the game they dare not bite …

And get this, heh heh … they describe themselves as ‘movers and shakers’
… you really have to wonder about someone who has to tell others that he’s
a ‘mover and shaker’ ! Crikey you ‘Crikey’ guys, if there’s anything about
you that’s moving and shaking, it’s probably just your false teeth !

Peter Fray

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