Wondering who Marlboro Man is? Want to make sure you don’t get stuck next to the Lounge Bar Bore? Then read on for the ever-expanding list of Crikey nicknames (a small percentage of which were dreamt up in these pages).
Here it is folks, the list of all those puzzling nicknames that litter Crikey correspondence.

If you have an addition, correction or a name that isn’t on the list, email us.

The latest additions…

Slimes – Perth’s Sunday paper.

Bronwyn Bishop – the “Minister for Caged Hair” (as in Aged Care)

Steve Bracks – “Jeff Bracks” – spot the difference between Jeff and Steve.

“Big Kev” – Christine Nixon, Commissioner of Victoria Police

Ron Walker – “Ronnie W*nker”.

John Button – “The Little General” – former Senator and ALP guru.

Denis Napthine – The mothballed former Victorian Oppositin leader is known as “Denis Naphthalene” nowadays.

Phillip Ruddock – Bela Lugosi, so called by staff in Canberra Immigration Department Office after the movie star on the silent screen in horror movies who used to play Dracula roles and “The Wolf Man” (1940). AKA the monster for immigration.

The Professionals, Bodie and Doyle – Victorian Liberal leader Robert Doyle and Phil “Bodie” Honeywood

“The Daily Torygraph” – Sydney’s Daily Telegraph

Closet McCloset, Flora McDonald – ABC Chairman Donald McDonald.

The Great Helmsman (see: The Rodent)

Amanda Vanstone – Amanda Twentystone (see, The Incredible Bulk)

Adelaide’s Sunday Mail – the Mundane Snail

Adelaide’s Advertiser – the Dirt Adviser, or the Agoniser as the ‘Paralyser’,

Boonce – over West they call him Barney Rubble or just plain grumpy.

Genghis Stan – (see The Zemaniac)

The Courier Mail aka. curious snail, quite commonly referred to as The Bowen Hills Bugle.

ADEN – email sieve, the Adult Democrat Email Network.

ADnet – (another) email sieve. See also MADnet. Join in the fun at [email protected]

Ah Satan – longheld Crikey nickname for Natasha (spell it backwards) but dropped when she visited m’learned friends at Corrs Chambers Westgarth. See also: Natasha C*ck-Destroyer.

Argue, Don’t – dictatorial BHP and Brambles chairman, Don Argus.

Australia’s Worst Company Director – the Prime Miniature’s big brother, Stan Howard.

Australia’s Worst Mayor – situation vacant following the resignation due to bankruptcy problems of Wollongong’s George Harrison. Maroochy Mayor Alison Grosse is the leading contender: Her attempts to sue her former lover and business associate Rob Purvis alleging he has stalked her for eight years ended in a trial, which aired sensational allegations about her, and severely embarrassed the council.

Barbarian, Conan the – minister for 80s hairdos and revenue, Senator Helen Coonan

Beige, Dean – former SA liberal leader, Dean Brown.

Betz, Erica – senior Tasmanian Liberal and freedom of thought policeman, Eric Abetz.

Big Jack and Big John – embattled businessman and soon to be former Carlton President and current disqualified director John Elliott.

Big Kerry – small-time media player and occasional PM helicopter-shooter, Kerry Packer. See also “Little Kerry”.

Big Red – 2006 Commonwealth Games spendthrift, Ron Walker. See also “Mr Potato Head”.

Blunders – #1 ticket holder in the Crikey fan club, Herald Sun editor Peter Blunden.

Boonce – WA state Liberal Leader Colin Barnett. Known elsewhere as Barney Rubble.

Britney – leader of the Australian Democrats, the Honourable Natasha Stott-Despoja. See also “The Impossible Princess”, “Princess Tash”, “Smiffy” and “Ah Satan”.

Bruvva – prefix attached to the name of an ALP/union apparatchik. Favourite application is Aristocrat chairman John “Bruvva” Ducker.

Buttocks – failed Tasmanian opposition leader and gymnasium entrepreneur Bob Cheek.

Cadaver, the – the e51migre51’s emancipator, Philip Ruddock.

Chairman Stan – buffoon occupying the drive-time chair on 3AW who can’t even be bothered to read the newspapers. See also “Chairman Stanislaw”, “Zemaniac” and “Genghis Stan”.

Chairman Stanislaw – rarely used full name of that knockabout Aussie larrikin, “Chairman Stan”.

Crispy Bacon – Tassie premier, Jim Bacon.

Crullers – Crikey’s Sydney correspondent. See also “Neal from Redfern”.

Curious Snail – Brisbane’s only daily newspaper and Peter Beattie cheer squad, the Courier Mail.

Daily Terror, the – Rupert’s Sydney tabloid, the Daily Telegraph.

Dynamic Den – go-getting former Victorian opposition leader, Dennis Napthine.

Eddie Everywhere – anonymous television presenter and conflict of interest specialist, Eddie McGuire.

Fart Boy Slim – Kim Beazley after his cabbage diet led to huge weight loss and ever bigger flatulence.

Fer’son, Mar’n – elocutionarily challenged member for Batman, the Honourable Martin Ferguson, MP.

Gilly – Fairfax business publications boss and key man behind the creation of Crikey, Michael Gill. Another card-carrying member of the Crikey fan club.

Gloria – leader of the NSW Opposition, 2GB broadcaster. See also “Gloriana”, “the Parrot”.

Gloriana – Gloria.

Golden Tonsils, the – cash for comment scoundrel and pokie advocate, 2UE talkback host, John Laws. See also “Lawsy”.

Human Headline, the – attention deprived former media personality, Derryn Hinch.

Hun, the – Crikey-averse Melbourne tabloid newspaper, the Herald Sun.

Hyacinth – Mrs Prime Miniature.

Impossible Princess, the – Britney, Ah Satan, etc.

Incredible Bulk, the – senator Amanda Vanstone.

Jeff – plodding former 3AK talkback host, Jeff Kennett.

John Boy – cherubic-faced NSW opposition leader, John Brogden.

Kacky Jelly – former Sports Minister, now parliamentary secretary to the Prime Miniature, Jackie Kelly.

Kermit – former NSW premier, floundering company director and Soccer Australia chairman who won’t lift a finger to get sponsors to support the game, Nick Greiner.

Khemlani – Federal member for Ryan, branch stacker, electorate loans recoverer amd master fundraiser, Michael Johnson.

King Carey – busy-fingered AFL footballer in exile, Wayne Carey. See also “the King”.

King, the – see “King Carey”.

Lawsy – the Golden Tonsils.

Lex Loser – sabre-rattling Foreign Minister, Alexander Downer.

Little Kerry – Big Kerry wannabe, Kerry Stokes. See also “Big Kerry”.

Lord Jim – all-conquering Brisbane Lord Mayor, Jim Soorley.

Lord Voldemort – gracious valedictory speech giver, former WA Lib powerbroker, Noel Crichton-Browne. Also “Death Eater”.

Lounge Bar Bore, the – excitement generating Canberra hack, Alan Ramsey. Correspondent for the Sydney Yawning Herald.

MacBank – troubled merchant bankers, Macquarie Bank. See also “the Millionaire Factory”.

Mad Monk, the – the Minister for Workplace Relations, the Honourable Anthony John Abbott.

MADnet – ADnet.

Marlboro Man – David Jull, the Honorable Member for Fadden.

Malthus from Maroubra, the – scholar and NSW premier, Robert Carr

Mattasha – Australian political correspondent and legendary sport satirist, Matt Price, whose curious initial Natasha fondness seems to have dissipated.

Media Tart, the – plenty lay claim to this crown, but there is one and only one media tart above all other media tarts, that shark-swimming, watermelon grinning, branch stack-eliminating premier of the Sunshine State, Peter Beattie.

Milhous – minister for flogging off Telstra, Richard Alston

Millionaire Factory, the – MacBank. This name was created by Crikey and has caught on throughout the business world.

Moscow Mary – former Victorian 7:30 Report presenter, current state Minister Mary Delahunty.

Mystic Meg – former Democrat leader, Meg Lees.

Neal from Redfern of NFC – regular contributor to the Pricey show. See also “Crullers”.

Norder, Laura – popular state election issue pursued by Crikey’s ordinary Sydney man, Dan McNutt.

Nunawading Pete – Victorian Transport Minister and former Nuclear Disarmament Party vote-courter Peter Batchelor.

O’Dreary, Tony – the Prime Miniature’s popular press secretary.

Organ, Huge – retiring WMC chief, Hugh Morgan.

Osama – Australian Democrats’ national president Liz Oss-Emer

Parrot, Hector the – bird-napped Sydney pet store institution. Wrongly abducted when the scoundrels should have targeted the Parrot who hectors. See also “Gloria”.

Parrot, the – the Parrot.

Poison Dwarf, the – the Prime Miniature’s preferred candidate for media advisor, Channel Seven’s Canberra hack, Glenn Milne. A moniker also attributed to Pricey.

Pokie King, the – Carlton Football Club board aspirant, former share advisor to Mrs Jeff and Pokie King, Bruce Mathieson.

Porkchop – the Minister for Defence Disinformation, Senator Robert Hill. Also known as “One-tree Hill” or “Hamburger Hill”.

Potato Head, Mr – Big Red ComGames organiser Ron Walker.

Prime Miniature, the – the Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia, the Right Honourable John Winston Howard, MP. See also “The Rodent”, “The Runt”, “The Short Man”.

Princess Tash – Britney.

Rash Ash – occasional Crikey adversary, mega spammer, former bankrupt and former Bruce Mansfield manager Ash Long. Name occasionally mis-spelt as “A Shlong”.

Rodent, the – the Prime Miniature.

Runt, the – The Prime Miniature.

Saint Steve – Victorian premier, Steve Bracks.

Santamaria’s Love Child – DFAT mouthpiece moonlighting as the Australian’s foreign affairs editor, Greg Sheridan.

Short Man, the – the Prime Miniature.

Slimey Simey – the Honourable Simon Crean, MP, leader of the opposition.

SMH, the – excitement deprived Sydney Fairfax broadsheet, the Sydney Morning Herald. See also “Sydney Morning Herald”.

Smiffy – PR guru and estranged former Crikey flatmate, Ian Smith. The future Mr Britney.

Smirk, Captain – the Treasurer of the Commonwealth of Australia, the Honourable Peter Howard Costello, MP.

Smokey – Apple Isle Premier, Jim Bacon. Also known as “Crispy”.

Sphere of Influence, the – affair exposer, Laurie Oakes.

Sydney Yawning Herald, the – self explanatory.

Teenage Toecutter, the – Mark Latham’s Lateline sparring partner, Christopher Pyne

Tiny Tories, the – the Young Liberals.

Tiser, the – Rupert’s Adelaide flagship and mouthpiece for the state government of the day, the Adelaide Advertiser. Also known as The Traumatiser amongst local hacks.

Walking Dead, the – the Australian Democrats.

Wanker, EG – former Prime Minister, the Honorable Edward Gough Whitlam.

Williams, Dr Ray – HIH obstetrician, GP and debunked faith healer. Recipient of honorary doctorate.

Worst, the – Western Australia’s only local rag, the Western Australian.

Wreathie – defence consultancy guru and former Minister for Defence and Throwing the Children Overboard, the Honourable Peter Reith.

Zemaniac – Chairman Stan.

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