Another day, another colourful contribution from our mysterious ALP insider Delia Delegate.

Roland Lindell the Man Least Likely has triumphed, taking a job he wanted some time ago but had suffered the literally crushing problem of having Feeney promoted over the top of him by the conservative catholic conspiracy. Lindell is considered by many to be fair to all sides. Some I heard in the SL say he’s just the typical jumped-up rightwing spiv, but this is harsh. Many of the younger enthusiastic NUW group members say that Roland’s wife, State MLA Jenny Lindell, is guilty of employing a young Feeney-Shortenite, a rightwing Young Labor leader Tom Cargill in her electorate office. Cargill is believed to have supported several conservative catholic causes from the office, and is suspected of reading News Weekly during his regular coffee breaks.

Cargill is believed to be planning a move in Isaacs to unseat the MHR for Isaacs, the overpaid Ann Corcoran from the Independents faction. Corcoran is no great shakes but Cargill would further contaminate the south-east with the disease (bit harsh – ed) of conservative Catholicism, according to concerned branch members.

All eyes will be on Lindell to watch for the factionalism favouritism and partisanship displayed during the Feeney years. Sword is believed to be confident that Lindell will be even-handed. If not, the Avenging Angel Greg will chop his little hands off, just like he did to Feeney. The axe is sharp, the axe is ready.

Today the Admin Committee will consider the vexing issue of Corio where Rightwing rising star and Feeney-Shorten mate Richard Marles is facing an inquiry into branchstacking. The Socialist Left locals oppose Marles and wisely so saying he has stacked the area with a coalition of Turks, Croatians and others. Marles right wing mates say he has rebuilt the Party in the area which barely functioned a few years ago. What the inquiry would do and where it might lead is keeping all the players nervous. Delia doubts anyone wants too comprehensive an inquiry into anything given how many skeletons are crammed into the closets of Senators Conroy, Carr, MP’s Thomson, Roxon, Griffin, Byrne, Ferguson, Vamvakinou, Danby, Gillard, Jenkins, not to mention the State MP’s. A full audit of membership is being demanded by many branch members opposed to the conservative catholic factionalism in Geelong, this could spread throughout safe Labor seats.

Speaking of religion, not Delia’s favourite subject but there’s a very strange happening out there. In my earliest contribution, I mentioned someone even less popular than the Fallen Feeney, ALP State Conference delegate Diane Anderson.

Diane is the Grand Wizard of the Higgins Clan of the ALP. She has seen off some relatively normal people out of Higgins by regular denunciations in mailings, lawsuits, threats of lawsuits and colorful allegations. She is the Conference Jester, dancing around like an annoying clown, talking earnestly but provoking only laughter. It is one of the few FEAs where there is no Left or Right activity due to Diane’s own Faction of Fear.

Some Party members might think she reserves her very best for the ALP. Diane has lots to spare it seems, if crys for help from the Unitarian Church in the inner city are any guide.

Diane does not just go to Church. She brings in her clipboard to write notes of what others have said. She brings in recruits, lawyers and strategists to her place of worship. No doubt she takes an industrial chemist, a union official, a Workcover investigator and a psychic with her when she pops in to her purportedly local Malvern cafe51.

Diane a wealthy barrister with a sensible shoe and a bad disposition has attempted to increase her influence over the Unitarian Church. The Church is a strange institution that seems to be a blend of different religions with a dash of Che Guevara. When Delia popped in for a religious experience, she saw a photo of Che on a wall, how nice.

Diane in recent times has shared the joy of the frustrations of her life with her fellow congregants:

Accused them of branchstacking the organisation (Diane is nothing if not consistent)

Accused them of improper and illegal conduct with her serious charges including ‘applauding during the service’, ‘censoring Diane Anderson’, ‘allegations of intense sexual dealings between consenting adults (presumably not in Church)

Accused them of disrespecting her boyfriend

Accused them of breaking Rules and laws

Sued the Church and its members over the content of services and her right to meditate

Joined up ALP members to the Church, primarily from her Higgins Clan. Diane thinks in irregular verbs. Her recruiting is someone else’s stack

Commented on the Church’s valuable assets, including property and cash worth millions as some people have left money to the church over the years

Accused the church of underpaying land tax and reported it to a Liberal MP

Accused the church of having a speaker talk on the subject of proportional representation. This is the most serious and horrible of the charges and has not been denied what a hideous thing to put up with at church

Ran hard in an election to takeover the Church and got nine votes, proving the congregation have alternative tastes

No wonder people are reluctant to eat her scones after the service.

Those interested in joining this friendly group are welcome to attend this Sunday at 11am in Grey Street East Melbourne. Lev “I had no change in my pocket, Your Honor” Lafayette of the Socialist Left faction and electorate officer who specialises in branchstacking Timorese into the ALP, will be speaking this Sunday on how he has forged ties with the Timorese community to help their liberation and his preselection.

If you attend, you might see a few ALP hacks in the audience counting their blessings and doing the numbers. Amen.

Do ya best, Delia Delegate

Talk to me on [email protected]