Poor old Hillary thinks she’s been producing Big Brother scoops but she’s really just another victim.

There are at least a couple of reasons to be dancing in the street after Jean-Marie Le Pen’s success in the first stage of the French presidential elections last week.

Firstly, that particularly Gallic and particularly offensive bunch of affluent luvvies, Eurocrats and members of the commentariat who still think le socialisme is tres chic are apoplectic always a good thing. Secondly, the word “Poujadism” is being bandied around again

Pouwhat, you say? Poujadism, from Pierre Poujade, a sort of French Pauline Hanson except he owned a grocery rather than a fish and chip shop who had brief political success with a small business revolt in the fifties that also tapped into the nastier themes that Le Pen and Hanson have made their own.

And just like there’s an unpleasant amount of Hanson in Rodentism, so there also is of Poujade such as pointless, petty authoritarianism the Howard Government shows.

Veterans Affairs Minister Dana Vale is like Kacky Jelly one of the key talismans of Rodentism, one of those unlikely winners in 96 who have ridden the rising tide of unpleasantness generated by the Prime Miniature and seems to have the Poujadism down pat.

She used Anzac week to announced the penalty for impersonating a war veteran will be increased from $200 to $3,000 after the Telegraph revealed the shocking statistic that at least one false veteran is exposed by the Australian Army Records office each week gasp! Fifty odd a year?

RSL president Rusty Priest said in the same item in most cases the lie was not for financial gain but this is a vital matter for disciples of Rodentism, so the fine goes up 1500 per cent.

Can anyone tell Hillary what the point of all this activity is?

Speaking of Rodentism

So Mitsubishi gets a bail out yet again. Twenty odd years ago, a wise man wrote:

“The [car] industry is in a mess because we have too many car and component manufacturers, so the throughput of our factories is too small for economic production. Why on earth did so many manufacturers set up here. They must have known that our market was too small to support five manufacturers and three assemblers; you didn’t need an economics degree to find that out, the dogs have been barking it for years. They came because both the state and federal governments went on their knees to beg them to come here. The states gave them favoured treatment all along the line, built them spur railway lines and gave them anything else they wanted and proudly proclaimed their willingness to help. The federal government was not backward either, having had no hesitation in promising unlimited protection against imports

“Encouraged by this open handed government treatment, car manufacturers from all over the world hurried here and settled down on their feather bed. It is now [1981] a very expensive feather bed costing about $1,000 million a year to maintain. It wasn’t very comfortable because there were too many on it, but at least it was safe because federal and state ministers would rush around tucking in anyone who looked as if he were about to be squeezed out.”

The wise man was Bert Kelly, the founding father of the Liberal Party dries. Today, the situation in the car industry hasn’t improved that much and twenty years ago, wasn’t a bloke called John Howard supposed to be another pioneer of the tribe old Bert started?

A seat but for who

DFAT dissidents tell Hillary that Cameron Stewart’s exclusive in the Oz last Monday on Australia seeking a seat on the UN Security Council was rushed to the paper in the vain hope of blocking further coverage of the recall of Australia’s ambassador to Chile, John Campbell, for the ghastly crime of making Foreign Minister Lex Loser take a cab.

The bid is genuine, however and Lex has someone in mind for the job. Himself. Lex is making it known that when the Prime Miniature departs, he would be willing to go, too as long as there was a nice job for him in London, Washington or New York.

Victorian preselections, Part 9,372

Has the Honorable David Davis been left exhausted and confused after his own preselection efforts? The Counting House, as observers call Davis’ office, has been sending out mixed messages over which candidate he is supporting in the East Yarra by-election preselection. Does he want police officer turned book seller Richard Della-Riva to get up, or wannabe Lord Mayor Clem Newton-Brown still the subject of controversy after playing footsies with Labor during that campaign and a relative new-comer to the area.

Earlier in the year Della-Riva was telling locals that he was very confident that he would receive the nod for East Yarra. However, his plans started to unravel when people started to ask why he was also challenging sitting member Gerald Ashman in Koonung.

Della-Riva is rumoured to have withdrawn from Koonung in full damage control mode to focus on East Yarra. Previously, it was thought Davis wanted Della-Riva to take Koonung and Newton-Brown to get take East Yarra. Now, his allegiances must be divided.

Davis, however, is not the only local poli trying to influence the outcome in East Yarra. The hugely talented Member for Hawthorn, Ted Baillieu, is said to be marshalling the old boys network in support of Newton Brown.

There’s a full field of thoroughbred blue ribbon hopefuls also in the, including Kevin “The Doc” Donnelly, Jacqui Blackwell, Ros Clowes and Dianne Rule.

Readers will remember veteran campaigner Ros as the Liberal candidate for Chisholm who went down to Anna Burke at the federal election, while Dianne, a former country candidate, has traded in her moleskins and set off to try her luck in the big smoke.

Cogitate, don’t litigate (more upmarket than “Guess who, don’t sue”)

Which staffer to a newly-elected eastern suburbs, blue-ribbon Liberal Federal MP is supposedly paying 15 and 16 year olds $50 cash to join his fledgling Young Liberal branch in fashionable Paddington and does his boss know? This MP certainly doesn’t need any more bad publicity after his much publicised complaints about parliamentary cutlery, towels and facilities.

Strange company

The SMH’s Spike column asked after the strange encounter between Mel Gibson and NSW Liberal leader “John-Boy” Brogden if the pair were “comparing notes on the gay age of consent debate or just catching up on Hollywood goss” (NB logrolling, Mr Marr). It’s a valid point.

John-Boy is putting himself forward as a model moderate while Gibson to put it plainly is a right wing nut. Brogden is in favour of an equal age of consent for hetero and homosexual sex while Gibson has advocated conservative Catholic views on moral issues and even gone as far as warning against the dangerous international cabal of, er, Rhodes Scholars

Still, it was a great publicity stunt for young Broggers and his minders to pull off even though it’s a shame that the front page of Crikey is the only place where the photo of the historic meeting has been published (it’s at the bottom if you scroll down).

The plot thickens

There’s been keen interest in South Australia in dealings of the crazed Liberal renegade Peter Lewis who took time out from howling at the moon to cut a last minute deal to put Labor into power and bag the Speaker’s job for himself and convicted criminal Terry Stevens.

Stevens and Lewis have been involved with the former assets of Peter Liddy, a magistrate dismissed after being convicted of paedophilia. These include a substantial and significant gun collection.

Lewis mad as always wrote to the Police Minister demanding that all the red tape be cut through to ensure the collection was totally legal. It was refused and no-one is saying where the guns are.

Now, Hillary hears an interesting word popping up bikies and like their Western Australian colleagues, South Australia’s bikie gangs have been staging their own mini-Milperras for quite a while.

Further developments are awaited with interest.

PS The name of Murray Delaine a state Labor MP deselected in factional shenanigans who unsuccessfully contested his seat and lost at the last South Australian election is also drifting round in conjunction with this story. Hillary’s e-mail address is at the bottom of the page.

Go for it, Gloria

Hillary’s campaign to have Alan Jones appointed New South Wales police commissioner gathered pace last week after an amazing demonstration of Parrot Power.

On Tuesday we got the news that all Gloria had to do was open his mouth and kapowee a nasty needle exchange in a marginal Labor seat was ordered to close by Health Minister Craig Knowles, saving kiddies from junkies and without anything awkward like consultations with the centre’s operators.

He’s clearly the man. Email Michael Costa now at [email protected] or Malthus himself on [email protected] and ask why we’re waiting.

Gloria even has experience of UK law enforcement. That was enough to get Ryan the job. It’s time for Commissioner Parrot.

Business friendly government

This media release lobbed into Hillary’s inbox on Anzac day and is worth a run:

“ATO taxes successful group agricultural projects at 84.5c in the dollar

“Successful cooperative agricultural projects such as Central Highlands, Austvin, Chalice Bridge, Barkworth Olives, Bopple Macadamia and Main Camp are being taxed on the loan funds at up to 84.5c in the dollar, LITS-PTR co convenor Mr Geoff Taylor said today.

“The manager is paying the old company rate of 36c in the dollar on the loan funds received, and the farmer is paying up to 48.5c in the dollar on the same funds since the deduction for the loan money has been disallowed under the Commissioner’s offer, except for certain favoured projects.

“Yet a farmer with one farm in each of Central Highlands projects 2-4 for example will have $85,600 deducted by the manager from the farmer’s vine income over the next nine years to pay off the loan compared to a farmer who paid full cash up front.

“In addition farmers in Central Highlands No 4 have not been reassessed 15 months after the ATO wrote to them and then reviewed their responses. Farmers in this situation are entitled to assume that the ATO has decided on no further action as a result of considering the responses, Mr Taylor said.”

Not good, Mr Treasurer.

Urban decay

Readers outside Sydney may have missed the Smellie’s compelling story on the sad and sorry state of the neglected Rodent resident at Wollstonecraft it’s here

Imagine if John Hewson walked by, he’d think it was occupied by renters.

Big Brother captures Crikey

We confess. We’re hooked. Big Brother has captured Crikey. Hillary has already taken steps to adopt eight Romanian orphans and intends to name them after the housemates while Dan, a respectable Mosman merchant banker in real life, has been spotted strolling along Military Road wearing Sarah-Marie bunny ears on more than one occasion, much to the distress of the locals.

Hillary’s stories on the political predilections of “Kit-off” Katrina, the topless Tory housemate, have made newspapers across the nation.

Subscribers have been getting daily updates as they come in, but for all you tightwads out there, here’s the sealed section material plus the latest on the Katrina story.

Sealed Section, 24 April 2002:

BIG BROTHER – WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN…

Sealed section April 24

When Crikey first revealed that Big Brother’s Katrina was a Victorian Young Liberal a fortnight or so again, Hillary praised the tiny Tories for their work in finding innovative new ways “politics can be made more relevant to young people”.

Now, the news that Katrina has appeared in The Picture magazine’s 100% Home Girls special – see here – that charming Packer family publication targeted at lonely blokes (and will be back for an encore performance), Hillary can only stop and think about what might have been.

Imagine if the pix were around for the 1999 Victorian state election at the Libs “Jeff f*cken rules” campaign. They would have been right in sync with the rest of the ads. Exhibition Street would have snapped them up – and kit-off Katrina could have become a winning weapon bringing the Jeff message to a crucial demographic the Libs had previously missed.

KATRINA SPLITS THE ALP

Billy Hughes, Joe Lyons, Santa – and now Katrina. Yep. Our favourite topless Tory is now splitting the ALP. Just look at these two contradictory e-mails that have come Hillary’s way:

“Most people would have heard by now that the annoying Katrina from Big Brother is in fact a member of the Young Liberal Party.

“This being the case it is time for a good old fashioned “Kick the Young Lib off Big Brother” grass roots campaign.

“The Young Libs across Australia are apparently launching a campaign to save Katrina so lots of phone calls are needed to ensure that Katrina does not become the next Sarah Marie, (imagine her being congratulated by John Howard at some Young Lib convention.)

“The Big Brother website claims that “she has become infamous for talking to herself,” and that she is “annoying all her house mates with her tantrums.” This of course goes to prove what all members of young Labor have known all along – nobody likes a Young Lib.

“If members of Young Labor are looking for a candidate to support, I suggest you throw your support behind Shannon. She is the daughter of Michael Cleary, a former Labor Minister in the Wran Government.

“To vote off Katrina call 1902 555 010.

“Cheers, Chris Minns

“President, NSW Young Labor.”

SOME ALP HEAVIES WANT TO SAVE KATRINA

“A Message from the ALP “Save Katrina” Steering Committee

“The Sydney Morning Herald and Crikey.com.au have reported that the Young Liberals have launched a campaign to keep Big Brother housemate Katrina in the Big Brother house.

“Katrina, a long time Young Liberal member, has already spoken about her aspirations to political life after Big Brother. As Katrina is the face of the Liberal Party of the future, it is important that as many young Australians as possible have an opportunity to have a good look at her. Given the chance, she may turn out to be the new Bronwyn Bishop or Kerry Chikarovski, and it would be a tragedy for Labor if such a career were to be nipped in the bud by an early eviction from the House.

“For this reason, Labor supporters have formed an ALP “Save Katrina” Steering Committee to support the campaign of the Tiny Tories to keep Katrina in the house as long as possible.

“Unfortunately, Katrina is up for eviction again this week! Once again she topped the tally with 9 votes from her housemates who, not surprisingly, collectively find her views highly annoying and her manner abrasive. Not to mention the frequent references to her IQ being 5 points higher than that of her boss.

“Save Katrina! Keep her in the House where we can continue to follow her regular teary tantrums and her desperate pleas to fellow housemates that she has been misunderstood. Vote Alex out of the house instead.”

HILLARY: So where does Labor stand? Do they want Katrina in the house or our? Hillary waits with bated breath for Simon Crean to have the final word on the matter.

EVICTED DAMIAN HAD A LIBERAL CONNECTION

A Liberal-connected Queensland subscriber writes:

“Crikey, The first evictee Damian is actually the cousin of a Federal Minister’s CoS. The CoS was also a Councillor in south east QLD for 6 years and the Minister in question is one Ian McFarlane.”

Anon

FAMILY VALUES

Sealed Section April 26

Stephen “Showboat” Ciobo, the youngest Federal Lib and Member for Moncrieff – home of the Big Brother house – has shown the stuff of which he is made by his spirited defence of Young Lib housemate, “Kit-off” Katrina.

“I’ve got to confess I haven’t had an opportunity to catch an episode of the show,” Showboat told AAP, “but I would be supportive of any Young Liberal in their endeavours to spread the message of small government, individual responsibility and the importance of the family.”

His colleagues in the Lyons Forum and those with similar conservative leanings will no doubt be fascinated to hear how Katrina has strengthened family values by getting her gear off in The Picture – in both her solo, er, spread and a second pictorial where she and a somewhat older gentleman demonstrated the correct use of a contraceptive.

This amusing message lobbed into the Mayne Man’s inbox on Thursday:

“Hi Stephen,

“I am the Associate Producer on the Big Brother Live Nominations show. As you may have seen, we look at how the outside world is reacting to Big Brother, and this often includes media material. We’re looking at covering the email campaign to save Katrina carried out by a Young Liberal staffer and are wondering if you have a copy of the email which was sent around?

“Cheers, Melissa Fox”

Now, the clock is ticking away, and as Hillary types 7:30 and Big Brother are now less than two hours away and a last desperate message has gone out from the ALP:

“A message from the ALP “Save Katrina” Steering Committee

“The Attorney-General should refer next month’s edition of Picture Magazine to the Office of Film and Literature Classification to determine whether a generally available magazine should contain explicitly nude photographs of Young Liberal Big Brother contestant Katrina.

“Katrina has already bared enough on the show. How much more exposure does she need?

“Katrina is not just any nude model – as a Young Liberal, she is upholding the proud traditions of the Liberal Party and through that, our very system of democracy.

“Aside from the obvious issues of taste and decency, publication of the photographs has the potential to undermine democracy itself. We are concerned that if these pictures are approved for publication, Australia could see rioting in the streets similar to the Le Pen riots in France.

“Stop the riots! The Office of Film and Literature Classification must act now.

“Meanwhile, Katrina remains at grave risk of being voted out of the House – depriving Australians of a opportunities in coming weeks to see the future face of the Liberal Party.

“This must not be allowed to happen! You can save Katrina by voting Alex out of the House on 1902 555 012.”

Hillary Bray can be contacted here

Peter Fray

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