Crikey is prepared to give a free subscription to the person who comes up with the best political limerick. Here are sample of some of the good and very bad limericks that have been sent with the worst ones towards the bottom. Please send your offerings to [email protected] and don’t take offence at some of the childish sledging.
The greatest loss that they have scored
Pauline says she’s “at peace”
What a blessed release
She’s free to be jailed for fraud
With election fever at the end of its tether
Labor don’t look at all very clever
With Beazley now gone
Crean and Macklin are on
And the ALP will remain in opposition for ever
Well Labor took quite a beating
Their popularity oh so fleeting
Soon Howard will part
And then Cozza will start
To be the most smart-arse PM since Keating
Tweedledum and Tweedledee
Hand in hand looking out to sea
When up sailed Bob Brown
And brought the whole thing down
While Nat blamed Senator Lee
There was an MP named Michael Lee
Best known for a fleeting fling with Mimi
But his crusade against Category Ones
Saw him comprehensively done
To join Barry as a Noodle Nation casualty
There was an old Party called Labor
Whose Leader with the voters didn’t find favour
So they’ll choose another has-been
Former ACTU Prez Simon Crean
And the Coalition another term will savour
There was an old Party called Labor
Whose union control was right out of favour
So turn a new leaf
They preselected their 4th ACTU Chief
And even made one of ’em Leader
There was a young man named Crikey
Who was suckled by Jeff the almighty
However as if overnight
He lurched from the Right
And is now undistinguishable from a Leftie.
There was a young/old man/woman named Hillary
Who endlessly amused with his/her pillories
But during the campaign
Was stuck in CHQ, so he/she refrained
And the Crikey Army missed his/her gossip dearly.
The plight of the member for Brand
And the fight for his party’s command
Should attract some young gallant
Of exceptional talent
But the field is exceedingly bland.
(The member for Brand, of course, being Kim Beazley.)
The idea makes me wish I had showered
One Nation voters empowered
By the thrill that they get
When they view on their set
Our brand new PM, Pauline Howard
Some who used to throw up at the sight
Of Malcolm now think he’s alright
His views on race
Simply stayed in their place
It’s the nation that’s plunged to the right
The fate of the nation’s decided
By a handul who should be derided
A few hundred sheep
In marginal seats
All scared, confused and misguided
Now tell me have I got it right?
Those Taliban folks are alright
And the people who flee them
Are whingers – who needs’m?
Send them back, out of mind out of sight.
We’re in danger it would seem of a horde
Millions of boat people swarming ashore
All it’s easy to see
Can’t be real refugees
They paid thousands (which millions can afford)
An old senator from Tasmania
Was afflicted with megolomania
He sure understood, that porn was no good
Can we send him back to Transylvania?
The announcer know only as Stan
Embarked on a devious plan
Fed conservative taste
With indecent haste
And re-elected the Government man
There was an ex-ALP prez named Barry
Truth be know an old fuddy-duddy
But so clever was he
He could explain complex policy
With a diagram of meatballs and spaghetti.
Said Howard “Politics is like poker
And I’m betting my time is not over
If it all gets too hard
I’ll just play the race card
And make Beazley look like a joker”
There once was a city, twin towered
Hurt by the act of a coward
Australia felt fear
What if terror came here
The result? A third reign of Howard.
There once was a boat from Iraq
Almost eaten by numerous sharks
When 350 wogs died
Howard’s ratings revived
And the election was a walk in the park
Well Cheryl is at it again
It’s the fault of those bad Labor men
She had a good bleat
When she lost her seat
Things were gentler in the Democrat pen
There once was a young girl called Nat
Who took on the Beazer & Rat
She put her face on TV
Opened Starbucks for free
But people wouldn’t vote for a brat
If there’s one thing that raises Howard’s ire
It’s the constant sound of friendly fire
“It’s that f***ing Mal Fraser!
I’m buying a laser
and setting his new pants on fire!”
There once was a pol named Bob Katter
All agree he’s as mad as a hatter
I have heard them say
His hair is like Ray
Although it’s of silvery matter.
The reffos caused quite a commotion
So we went to Nauru with a motion
“Your birdshit’s running low
and people trafficking’s the go
Stop the Afghans polluting our ocean
Howard the Wizard of Oz
Snatched victory from the jaws of loss
“It’s simple” he said
The more reffos that are dead
The louder our fans’ applause”
Johnny said; “I can feel an election
coming on. People make your selection”
“Put it back in your pants”
said Hyacinth askance
“Such things aren’t for public delection”.
There was an old crook from Bankstown
Which bank never let him down
He only ever kissed Indonesian dictators arsehole
And he never told a porky in his life
There once was a Bennelong runt
On racism he took a punt
Refugees were hit
By the little s**t
Just proving that Howard’s a c**t
Entries to [email protected]
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