Crikey is prepared to give a free subscription to the person who comes up with the best political limerick. Here are sample of some of the good and very bad limericks that have been sent with the worst ones towards the bottom. Please send your offerings to [email protected] and don’t take offence at some of the childish sledging.

The greatest loss that they have scored

Pauline says she’s “at peace”

What a blessed release

She’s free to be jailed for fraud

With election fever at the end of its tether

Labor don’t look at all very clever

With Beazley now gone

Crean and Macklin are on

And the ALP will remain in opposition for ever

Well Labor took quite a beating

Their popularity oh so fleeting

Soon Howard will part

And then Cozza will start

To be the most smart-arse PM since Keating

Tweedledum and Tweedledee

Hand in hand looking out to sea

When up sailed Bob Brown

And brought the whole thing down

While Nat blamed Senator Lee

There was an MP named Michael Lee

Best known for a fleeting fling with Mimi

But his crusade against Category Ones

Saw him comprehensively done

To join Barry as a Noodle Nation casualty

There was an old Party called Labor

Whose Leader with the voters didn’t find favour

So they’ll choose another has-been

Former ACTU Prez Simon Crean

And the Coalition another term will savour

There was an old Party called Labor

Whose union control was right out of favour

So turn a new leaf

They preselected their 4th ACTU Chief

And even made one of ’em Leader

There was a young man named Crikey

Who was suckled by Jeff the almighty

However as if overnight

He lurched from the Right

And is now undistinguishable from a Leftie.

There was a young/old man/woman named Hillary

Who endlessly amused with his/her pillories

But during the campaign

Was stuck in CHQ, so he/she refrained

And the Crikey Army missed his/her gossip dearly.

The plight of the member for Brand

And the fight for his party’s command

Should attract some young gallant

Of exceptional talent

But the field is exceedingly bland.

(The member for Brand, of course, being Kim Beazley.)

The idea makes me wish I had showered

One Nation voters empowered

By the thrill that they get

When they view on their set

Our brand new PM, Pauline Howard

Some who used to throw up at the sight

Of Malcolm now think he’s alright

His views on race

Simply stayed in their place

It’s the nation that’s plunged to the right

The fate of the nation’s decided

By a handul who should be derided

A few hundred sheep

In marginal seats

All scared, confused and misguided

Now tell me have I got it right?

Those Taliban folks are alright

And the people who flee them

Are whingers – who needs’m?

Send them back, out of mind out of sight.

We’re in danger it would seem of a horde

Millions of boat people swarming ashore

All it’s easy to see

Can’t be real refugees

They paid thousands (which millions can afford)

An old senator from Tasmania

Was afflicted with megolomania

He sure understood, that porn was no good

Can we send him back to Transylvania?

The announcer know only as Stan

Embarked on a devious plan

Fed conservative taste

With indecent haste

And re-elected the Government man

There was an ex-ALP prez named Barry

Truth be know an old fuddy-duddy

But so clever was he

He could explain complex policy

With a diagram of meatballs and spaghetti.

Said Howard “Politics is like poker

And I’m betting my time is not over

If it all gets too hard

I’ll just play the race card

And make Beazley look like a joker”

There once was a city, twin towered

Hurt by the act of a coward

Australia felt fear

What if terror came here

The result? A third reign of Howard.

There once was a boat from Iraq

Almost eaten by numerous sharks

When 350 wogs died

Howard’s ratings revived

And the election was a walk in the park

Well Cheryl is at it again

It’s the fault of those bad Labor men

She had a good bleat

When she lost her seat

Things were gentler in the Democrat pen

There once was a young girl called Nat

Who took on the Beazer & Rat

She put her face on TV

Opened Starbucks for free

But people wouldn’t vote for a brat

If there’s one thing that raises Howard’s ire

It’s the constant sound of friendly fire

“It’s that f***ing Mal Fraser!

I’m buying a laser

and setting his new pants on fire!”

There once was a pol named Bob Katter

All agree he’s as mad as a hatter

I have heard them say

His hair is like Ray

Although it’s of silvery matter.

The reffos caused quite a commotion

So we went to Nauru with a motion

“Your birdshit’s running low

and people trafficking’s the go

Stop the Afghans polluting our ocean

Howard the Wizard of Oz

Snatched victory from the jaws of loss

“It’s simple” he said

The more reffos that are dead

The louder our fans’ applause”

Johnny said; “I can feel an election

coming on. People make your selection”

“Put it back in your pants”

said Hyacinth askance

“Such things aren’t for public delection”.

There was an old crook from Bankstown

Which bank never let him down

He only ever kissed Indonesian dictators arsehole

And he never told a porky in his life

There once was a Bennelong runt

On racism he took a punt

Refugees were hit

By the little s**t

Just proving that Howard’s a c**t

Entries to [email protected]

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Peter Fray

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