The following document was found in the bedroom of teenage boy. It would appear to be a diary. Trevor Diogenes takes up the tale.
Columns / Lowbottom High Diaries
Reforms to the national curriculum aside, the schnitzel was OK
Lowbottom High’s principal has joined 150 others to learn about the proposed reforms to the national curriculum and dine on some taxpayer-funded dessert. Trevor Diogenes tells the tale.
‘Bludge’ day? Not bloody likely
The Monday before Melbourne Cup Day is now a normal day. Try telling the kids that, writes our long-suffering school teacher Trevor Diogenes.
Lowbottom Diaries: It’s all about ‘engagement’, we are told
Teachers are not permitted political opinions. Instead we are made to sit before the telescreen shouting IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH, writes our long-suffering school teacher Trevor Diogenes.
Wistful in the face of the malign lottery
With the year 12s gone, teachers look forward to the prospect of next year’s classes, writes Trevor Diogenes. Will you score that terrible group whose infamy is already writ in school lore? Will Tarquin turn up like Nemesis in the malign lottery of fate?
Driven by cold to the janitor’s lair
‘We are so used to the big dry that we hardly know what precipitation is.’ A cold snap has come to Lowbottom High, writes Trevor Diogenes.
The blooming of year 12
As the Year 12s approach their moment of truth, you come to know what it is like to be stalked, writes Trevor Diogenes.
The fourth season of The Wire is a caution
You can hardly blame the association of principals for wanting “school refusers” to be dealt with off-campus. These kids are trouble and take up all your time, writes Trevor Diogenes.
A letter to the Minister
Lowbottom High is getting a new library from the Government. Unfortunately, they already have one…
Lowbottom Diaries: The new school leaving age will ruin us all
Big Sister has decreed that 17 is the new leaving age. O me miserum, the cry has gone up from school staffrooms across the land, says Trevor Diogenes.
United in perversity
Who can even say how a rumour starts and builds, writes Trevor Diogenes.
Facing up to our dear leader
When the principal summons you into his office you know that you have been born into interesting times, writes Trevor Diogenes.
There’s no substitute for substitutes
The darkest hour is just before dawn, according to the old wisdom. In the case of teachers it is that interesting fifteen minutes before the first locker bell, writes Trevor Diogenes.
Lowbottom Diaries: The corrections
“By killing the king, Macbeth violates nature.” Discuss.
Underpaid, underappreciated and under the weather
The annual staff association dinner dance is not to be missed, writes Trevor Diogenes.
A brush with human sacrifice
Oh dear, mid-term staff reviews.Trevor Diogenes wakes in fright.
And now a word from Principal Kevorkian
The government ban on pulbic statements by principals has not gone unnoticed at Lowbottom High, writes Trevor Diogenes.
And so the reporting cycle rolls on endlessly…
Having rolled the stone up the hill, we know full well that at the end of the next reporting cycle we will be required to do it all over again, says Trevor Diogenes.
WHY IS THE UNIVERSE DOING THIS TO ME?
So often accident is the agency of enlightenment, writes Trevor Diogenes.
“One point four billion” said the queen
And once more did the queen hie her forth to make progresse through her kingdom the better to see the greate works wrought in her name, writes Trevor Diogenes
Online teacher infiltration
Meanwhile, in a cyber universe far far away (but paradoxically very near you), the kids are compiling their own league table, writes Trevor Diogenes.
The frontline of a lethal viral attack
This week it became abundantly clear that not only would schools be the frontline in the event of a lethal viral attack but that we’d be cactus no matter what, writes Trevor Diogenes.
Arson and the relevance of Ukrainian
We feel that arson is warrantable grounds for expelling a student from the school body, writes Lowbottom principal Imre Kevorkian.
“Gallipolli is so gay,” quoth Tarquin.
The news that the new national curriculum makes it mandatory that all history taught must have 40% Australian content had its detractors. “Are you serious?” quoth Tarquin. Trevor Diogenes from the classroom.
Lowbottom High Diaries: we don’t need no renovation
Please, Mr Rudd and Mr Brumby, we don’t want your money. Not your state-of-the-art facilities nor the surrounds which promise comfort and inspiration to both teacher and student, writes Trevor Diogenes
