tip off

Crikey says: and now, a word from our Senate leader

Why Joe Hockey should stop whining and get his act together with these simple steps. The Tele hits new low with Boston bombing larfs. Eric Abetz’s spooky science. Heads roll with new Greens honcho in town. No protection for Frances Abbott whistleblower. The Tharunka prank that fooled News. Turnbull has a clue on metadata. The story behind Abbott’s “women problem”. Jobless figures not as bad as they seem. And Rundle reviews Britney Spears: The Cabaret.

Senator Eric Abetz writes: 

Hello-uh, this uh Senidah Ericuh UhBetz here, very uh grateful to be given the uh uhppurtunity to uh say a few things to the uh Crikeyuh audience uh aboutuh free speech and uh free thought uh. Sadly uh this is uh under uttack these days uh from those who would uh constrain uh the Minister uh of the uh Crown and uh leader of the uh Senate from uh thinking uh out loud on a live TV cross about uh a disease that uh affects uh one in 12 uh women, and uh throwing doubt on the uh whole sciendiftic edddifissss that underuhpins modernuh medical treatment.I uh will be uh encouraging uh every uh branch of uh government and uh industry to uh adopt uh a similarly sceptical uh approach to the uh so-called settled so-called uh science.

From uh now on uh I am happy to say that the our uh minerals and uh energy departments will be employing a uh cadre of uh “young earth” geologists, who will search uh our wonderful 6000-year-old uh continent to find new mineral wealth using the uh Old Testament because uh no one uh saw the cooling of magma so-called uh 4 billion uh years ago so how would we uh know.

Here is uh one for the Greenies and Ferals. From today there will be uh no animal uh testing for uh medical purposes because what are the odds that Jesus would have uh made us all the same way and have you ever uh seen a fossil don’t answer that. Ha ha instead we will be testing on boat people and it will uh also be uh a job that uh young people can uh apply for as part of their uh 40 days and uh nights uh sorry uh jobs a month. Truly, the Lord provides.

Finally, because the uh science of cancer is uh so unsettled, I am also pleased uh to announce that for my uh next uh prostate exam I will uh going straight to the uh Roman uh Catholic uh Church, the experts uh in this uh trade. Although as far as uh the unemployed, poor, pensioners, students and many more this government is uh proving to be uh dab hands.

Heil- Hello. Goodbye,

Uh Eric

12
  • 1
    klewso
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 1:45 pm | Permalink

    Makes you proud you’re not a Tasmanian doesn’t it?

  • 2
    klewso
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 1:47 pm | Permalink

    Grech and Lewis still writing his material….?

  • 3
    Bill Hilliger
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 2:16 pm | Permalink

    Priceless!

  • 4
    Mark Duffett
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    Pretty unimpressed by this. For all that Abetz may deserve excoriation, surely Crikey is capable of doing so without sailing so close to Godwinesque racial and religious vilification.

  • 5
    andyobm
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 3:47 pm | Permalink

    Goodonyer Crikey!!
    We lose Mike Carlton,but Crikey grows a bigger pair of balls. This editorial will bring down the the wrath of the “right”teous,but,as a proud tasmanian who is constantly ashamed of “our” senator I applaud your stance on this medieval nonsense.
    Surely Australians aren’t so supine that we’ll accept this teaparty cabal for much longer/

  • 6
    Red Bob
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    I second that, @andyobm. Go hard!
    Abetz and his other rightwing christian loonies do very little to deserve any respect. I live in Tasmania, and he, Barnett, et al., are a complete embarrassment. No new and innovative ideas - just live in the past.
    The reason that Tasmania is a basket case is because people like these are in power.

  • 7
    AR
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 5:44 pm | Permalink

    Fairly straight reportage of the grotesquerie that is Erica it seems to my reading, even more painful than listening the the gespoked wurrdds..

  • 8
    dazza
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

    I’m starting to believe lizard people actually exist within our elite.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilians

  • 9
    The Pav
    Posted Friday, 8 August 2014 at 7:12 pm | Permalink

    Ignoranvce is not an excuse that a senior minister can use

    No wnder this mob abolished the science ministry

  • 10
    mikeb
    Posted Monday, 11 August 2014 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    I am Tasmanian so may be a bit thick but what is it with the “uh” everywhere”? Is it something really clever that I should have immediately recognised? Will I kick myself and go “doh” if the answer is revealed? Someone please put me out of my misery.

  • 11
    Mark Duffett
    Posted Monday, 11 August 2014 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    mikeb, it’s meant to be an imitation of Abetz’s manner of speaking, I presumed. Another indication of the undergraduate level of this piece.

  • 12
    Posted Wednesday, 13 August 2014 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    ERIC ABETZ: Now there’s a man for you. The living embodiment of The Peter Principal. The encapsulation of the blind leading the witless. One of only two-to half a dozen Liberal members of cabinet to make me wish I’d been born in transit.

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