Crikey



Guy Rundle’s Marxist guide to the World Cup

It’s only a few days in, and Australia’s already out. Which means you can kick back and enjoy the World Cup. Especially if you sell riot gear or Qatari real estate. But whom to support? If you’re a Crikey reader, the beautiful game is the great game. Forget this football shit, it’s all about the politics. So here from worst to best teams is Rundle’s entirely unauthorised World Cup guide. You will never be in a quandary about whom to support, unless Cote D’Ivoire play Korea.

Group G: The First-World Imperialist Centre

Group F: Imperialist  B-League

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Categories: Australia, SPORT, The World

20 Responses

Comments page: 1 |
  1. A ripping read, Guy. It may be an unauthorised guide, but its the best I’ve read. Australia is “Israel’s Goal Keeper at the UN” - just don’t mention the occupied territories.

    by Dez Paul on Jun 20, 2014 at 1:22 pm

  2. ….”17 unrelated trekking incidents” just made my day. Thanks Guy.

    by botanista on Jun 20, 2014 at 1:28 pm

  3. You left Costa Rica out and replaced them with New Zealand!

    by illywhacker on Jun 20, 2014 at 1:29 pm

  4. Brilliant.

    by Marcusson Nicole on Jun 20, 2014 at 1:47 pm

  5. My god; I would PAY to be there if Guy Rundle and Helen Razer were having a beer or two!

    by 81dvl on Jun 20, 2014 at 1:52 pm

  6. Surprised the Nigerian entry didn’t mention the Biafran war. Not only was it genuinely horrible, it gave rise to the modern incarnation of Western guilt about Africa. A modern day Marxist needs to consider its influence.

    by dive pass on Jun 20, 2014 at 2:04 pm

  7. Interesting Guy just a couple of amenedments. I thought Britain was first user of Concentration Camps in the Boer War, and even coined the name.
    Mussolini; he also drained the Pontine marshes near Rome banishing malarial mosquito’s and improving the health of the populace.
    His major failure was invading France in 1940 (then Albania and North Africa in 41’), much to the chagrin of the German Chancellor on all occasions. It was all downhill for Italy at that point.

    by MJPC on Jun 20, 2014 at 2:15 pm

  8. There were many problems with this list. However, the one that has to be mentioned in Russia. How is it possible to call Russia anti-imperialist? There’s a reason it stretches from one end of Eurasia to another, and it has nothing to do with tea parties and fairy floss.

    Oh, and there’s that whole Georgia, Ukraine, energy supplies as a political weapon thing…

    by Anon on Jun 20, 2014 at 2:21 pm

  9. Brilliant. I’m sending this to my eldest son. He will inevitably disagree.

    by rhwombat on Jun 20, 2014 at 2:36 pm

  10. 10 points for a windshuttle reference

    by Michael Roddan on Jun 20, 2014 at 3:23 pm

  11. Glaring omission of factoid re Argentina’s effective eradication of indigenous peoples (currently 1.6 of population)but, being latin more than 56% of the 320 Argentines sampled were shown to have at least one indigenous ancestor, of which 10% had indigenous ancestors in both parental lineages.
    The Raj ended up with the chi-chi

    by AR on Jun 20, 2014 at 5:41 pm

  12. A great summation of ..world history. Saved to print.

    by AR on Jun 20, 2014 at 5:42 pm

  13. This is great although very wrong in places. The worst call is obviously Russia - I know you are needling us but you need to move them the hell out of the Non-Imperialist group. A country whose fairly recent history encompasses pogroms, a massive nuclear weapons stockpile, and Vladimir Putin’s particular brand of ethnocentric, hyperactive expansionism really can’t be compared with Switzerland.

    And I am genuinely curious about countries being “pastoral economies” counting against them - I thought Marxists weren’t against pastoral economies per se, but instead saw them more as a necessary stage every economy must past through on their way to an industrial economy and then communism? So why count it against them? Simply because they haven’t fulfilled their communist destiny yet?

    Also, Uruguay should lose some points because of Luis Suárez´s history of racial abuse, cheating, etc. I mean if the soccer teams themselves count for anything.

    by Lucy on Jun 20, 2014 at 8:45 pm

  14. I thought Britain was beaten by a former colony, what became the USA, in 1775–1783.

    by Gavin Moodie on Jun 20, 2014 at 8:48 pm

  15. GM - not to defend poor, weak & wimpy grundle but he wrote “defeated by a potential colony” - tribal, pre-industrial Abyssinians .
    The 13 colonies were mostly stalwart british yeomanry and had guns.

    by AR on Jun 20, 2014 at 8:59 pm

  16. Thanx AR.

    by Gavin Moodie on Jun 20, 2014 at 9:01 pm

  17. AR@15…not to mention smallpox infected blankets. Look up Jeffrey Amherst.

    by rhwombat on Jun 21, 2014 at 12:45 pm

  18. Why do you hate Costa Rica so much?

    by Raaraa on Jun 21, 2014 at 10:23 pm

  19. great stuff guy, should be printed on all the souvenir memorabilia!

    by edwin coleman on Jun 22, 2014 at 6:04 pm

  20. Mr Rundle,you’re obviously very busy being funny,but the information you include about Ajax is not really correct.The gas oven noises are still happening now,mostly from Feyenoord fans.Also,Ajax was not really a ‘Jewish’ club by the 1960s(Hitler and collaborators and all),even though it did have some Jewish players pre-WWII.Some of the smaller clubs in Amsterdam were much more associated with the Jewish community.But surely you have read David Winner’s “Brilliant Orange”?

    by damien lukas on Jun 23, 2014 at 10:57 pm

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