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FIRST DOG ON THE MOON

Feb 5, 2013

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36 thoughts on “Who is the winner of our disco tent?

  1. Holden Back

    VENISE: Thank you. One tries.

  2. Venise Alstergren

    HOLDEN: “Made Donna Summer, by the son of Björk….” Not bad. Bloody good, in fact.

  3. Holden Back

    rhw If only.

  4. rhwombat

    HB: Exeunt omnes, pursued by bear.

  5. Xoanon

    Now is the summer of our discontent
    Made glorious winter by this poll of News
    And all the clouds that lour’d upon her house
    On the front pages of the papers buried…

  6. Holden Back

    Scene September 14th 2013
    A News Ltd Editor:
    From this day to the ending of the world,
    But we in it shall be remembered-
    We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
    For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
    Shall be my brother; be he even Piers Akerman,
    This day shall gentle his condition;
    And lazy c*nts in England on a junket
    Shall think themselves accurs’d they were not here,
    And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
    That fought with us upon Saint Tony’s day.

  7. robinw

    “A drunken frog should be able to beat Tony” – priceless.

    I can just hear them in Murdoch land:

    “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
    Or close the wall up with our News Corp dead.
    In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
    As an immodest cant that’s our specialty:
    But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
    Then dictate the action of the press corp;
    Stiffen the hatred, summon up the bile,
    Disguise spiteful nature with faux outrage”

    etc. etc.

  8. rhwombat

    Outstanding of both Dog and ‘nauts.

  9. Andybob

    “Henry VII’s paternal grandfather, Owen Tudor, and Catharine of Valois, the widow of Henry V, fell in love and had three sons (Edmund, Jasper, and Owen); but the parents may never have married. This ambiguity invited the stigma of bastardy. Because the boys were the children of a former queen of England, those guarding the rights of the minor Henry VI such as Humphrey, Duke of Gloucester regarded the children as a threat and so branded them illegitimate. Still, King Henry VI countenanced Owen Tudor’s sons, making them royal half-brothers. Edmund Tudor–Henry VII’s father–in 1453 at age twenty-three became the Earl of Richmond. Concerning this recognition, Eric Simons speculates, “whether [King Henry VI] and his Council were now convinced that [the young men’s] parents had been truly married at their birth, or whether they considered it politically advisable to remove the stigma of bastardy from the royal half-brothers, cannot be said” (6). In 1459-60, an act of Parliament affirmed the legitimacy of Edmund, Jasper, and Owen Tudor, chiefly because of their father’s Lancastrian services during the Wars of the Roses (Simons 5-6). Nevertheless, the taint of bastardy continued to surround the births of certain progenitors of the founder of the Tudor monarchy–Henry VII.”

    Maurice Hunt – “Shakespeare’s ‘Richard III’ and the problematics of Tudor Bastardy”

    So Jasper is not a bastard and has an Act of Parliament to prove it.

  10. Venise Alstergren

    With apologies to Will Shakespeare….

    This earth of miners, this squatters’ seat, land girt by sea.

    This was an Eden/hell*, perhaps paradise,

    This fortress rent asunder by Fortescue and BHP.

    This unhappy breed of voters, this confused land,

    This endless mine set in the once blue sea,

    Against the envy of an ignorant world,

    This cursed plot, this earth, this non-realm, this land of Oz.

    *Strike out whichever word of relevance.

  11. lynne carolan

    Good to see Jasper back – missed his political commentary

  12. ianjohnno

    Enter JASPER’S GHOST and KEVIN

    KEVIN
    Where wilt thou lead me? speak; I’ll go no further.

    Ghost
    Mark me.
    KEVIN
    I will.

    Ghost
    My hour is almost come,
    When I to sulphurous and tormenting flames
    Must render up myself.
    KEVIN
    Alas, poor ghost!

    Ghost
    Pity me not, but lend thy serious hearing
    To what I shall unfold.

    KEVIN
    Speak; I am bound to hear.

    Ghost
    So art thou to revenge, when thou shalt hear.

    KEVIN
    What?

    Ghost
    I am thy Jasper’s spirit,
    Doom’d for a certain term to walk the night,
    And for the day confined to fast in fires,
    Till the foul crimes done in my days of nature
    Are burnt and purged away. But that I am forbid
    To tell the secrets of my prison-house,
    I could a tale unfold whose lightest word
    Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,
    Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,
    Thy knotted and combined locks to part
    And each particular hair to stand on end,
    Like quills upon the fretful echidna:
    But this eternal blazon must not be
    To ears of flesh and blood. List, list, O, list!
    If thou didst ever thy dear cat love–

  13. Jess Rowles

    Gah. I should know better than to read this stuff at work. A News Ltd office is no place for careless giggling!

  14. ianjohnno

    For every false drop in her bawdy veins
    A Grecian’s life hath sunk; for every scruple
    Of her contaminated carrion weight
    A Troyan hath been slain. Since she could speak,
    She hath not given so many good words breath
    As for her Greeks and Troyans suff’red death.

  15. Shaniq'ua Shardonn'ay

    We love Jasper the Unfriendly Ghost, moar!!!

  16. First Dog On The Moon

    thanks everyone – more shakespeare please it is most rofl

  17. Frank Birchall

    Brilliantly witty, First Dog!

  18. SBH

    oh shit that was funny

  19. klewso

    And from “Julia Seizer” :-
    “Who is it in the press that calls on me?
    I hear a tongue, shriller than all the music,
    Cry ‘Seizer!’ Speak; Seizer is turn’d to hear.”

    Soothsayer : “Beware the idles at march.”

  20. drmick

    Fair suk of the source bubble Firsty.
    If Tone is the best thing going for labour, then the star reporter for the australiar & his cat will be hoping that they find the secret seven quickly, lest he be considered “disloyal”.

  21. Venise Alstergren

    EMC: One of Melbourne’s least savory shock jocks, someone or other Mitchell, has been intoning that the election will happen much sooner than 14 Sept, and that KRudd will be leading the Party.

    With the blinkered right-wing, at any price, MSM carrying on like this, what hope does Julia have?

  22. ernmalleyscat

    Don’t archaeologists look smart in their open-neck khakis? I’d quite like to be one.

    Good one Mr Dong. We may see Mad King Kevin regularly relaunched by the opposition and the press pack until finally relieved by the humanity of a Hindenburg-type event.

  23. ianjohnno

    Hail Firtst Dog
    Who is constant as the Northern Star,
    Of whose true fixed and resting quality
    There is no fellow in the firmament.

    A bit of Julia Caesar, what!

  24. klewso

    Meanwhile where’s that bucket-load of King Leer?

  25. Venise Alstergren

    UN-BLOODY-BELIEVABLE, FD: Including the immortal line “A poll, a poll, my Kingswood for a poll!

    JASPER: Welcome back to the world of political comment. Was it boring on the other side? We need you.

  26. rubiginosa

    “Calm down dickhead.” Advice there for some backbenchers and speculators who obviously need to hear it more often.

  27. Tyler T

    great stuff, tears of laughter at my kingswood for a poll

  28. drovers cat

    I do love a good resurrection story, forsooth. And lo! It is here! And it was good. Very good, dog#1.
    Verily I say unto Jasper, “do what you must to rid us from this pestilence. Else will no-one rid us of this meddlesome priest?”
    Balloon-assisted or not, do it, spectre-cat.

    ps all Python and Blackadder and similar lovers should visit the Rick III story on smh.com.au, where the comments are as good as the story

  29. Holden Back

    . . . made Donna Summer by this son of Björk . . .

  30. Andybob

    Conscience is but a word that cowards use,
    Devis’d at first to keep the strong in awe:
    Our strong arms be our conscience, swords our law.
    March on, join bravely, let us to’t pell-mell;
    If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell !

  31. klewso

    …. I heard that after they done him in, they cut him up with his own chain-saw.

    And that Limited News “bawd” – what a Puck-wit?

  32. GlendaJoy

    Stupidly glad to see Jasper back and as foul mouthed as ever.

  33. klewso

    Sadly, Mad King Kev’s no drunken frog.

  34. zut alors

    Mr Dog! Today’s offering should’ve come with a Severe Mirth Warning, it may take several hours to compose myself.

    As usual, Jasper delivers the perceptive stinger ie: ‘nobody believes Newspoll.’

  35. paddy

    Best of the year so far FD.
    There’s actually beer all over my keyboard.

  36. Freja

    “A poll, a poll, my kingswood for a poll!” hahahahaha.

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