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The Alan Jones Story: a black parody

39
  • 1
    paddy
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 1:41 pm | Permalink

    Oh YES! I’ve been in a positive tizzy of anticipation, since “our dear Alan” made his munificent heartfelt apology.
    What would Firstdog say I wondered.
    Now we know……*Hugs.

  • 2
    Holden Back
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    This cartoon is baggist. Some of my best friends are chaff bags, and they would never behave like that.

    In fact a lovely bag full of lucerne chaff is sitting on my back veranda - not a metaphor - as we speak.

  • 3
    zut alors
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 1:56 pm | Permalink

    Cartoon excellence, Firsty. My only gripe is that you’ve used a couple of his more flattering photos.

    AJ generously re-donated the chaff bag jacket for which he made top bid at the auction. One guesses he has no use for a garment which isn’t bespoke.

    The moral of the story: beware of rollicking Young Libs.

  • 4
    paddy
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 2:33 pm | Permalink

    Oh yes FD, extra points for the use of “prolix” in today’s toon.
    (I had to look it up.)

  • 5
    ianjohnno1
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 2:37 pm | Permalink

    Quite so, Holden Back.
    Being raised by chaff bags does not necessarily lead to one becoming a narcissistic, sociopathic douchebag.

  • 6
    cyberfysh
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 2:59 pm | Permalink

    prolix” is good - the kind of word AJ would have learned at the private grammar school to which those Struggletown chaffbags (of cash?) sent the impressionable young Alan, before he toddled off to Oxford. Such a tough life …

  • 7
    drmick
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:06 pm | Permalink

    It is justifiable to wonder just how proud his parents would have seem of him?
    Did they die of shock when he was voted university home coming queen?
    How did they handle the boy in the english toilet bobby thing? And as far as telling lies are concerned; has he ever told them the truth? He cant handle it himself.

  • 8
    Andrew L
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    So difficult to think of a comment about that pompous, poisonous dung beetle that wouldn’t be (quite rightly) moderated. So… that’s all

  • 9
    Holden Back
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    Mmm - ‘suckled at her hessian teat’

  • 10
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    Looks like my previous comment didn’t make it past the moderator. Not surprised by that.

    Hope it brought a smile to FDOTM’s face though.

  • 11
    outside left
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    Where are troofie and soozie? Losers!

  • 12
    ianjohnno1
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 3:54 pm | Permalink

    FD
    Perhaps you (or Crikey) can institute the new Ordure of Australia - Plenty of candidates at many levels.

  • 13
    zut alors
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:00 pm | Permalink

    Dan G, your post slipped through the net to me. Neat work.

    Outside Left, don’t know where those two are are but Wizzie is frothing up on Matthew Knott’s ‘Unsackable’ story.

  • 14
    ernmalleyscat
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    Talk about chaff?! I nearly died.
    I’ve never had such a good rollicking from him.

  • 15
    ianjohnno1
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

    Have a look at Bill Leak’s cartoon in the Oz. Ouch!

  • 16
    rhwombat
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:12 pm | Permalink

    Zut: Actually these are by far the most flattering photographs of a Cestoda jonesii proglotid that I have seen…and moderation has become a virtue.

  • 17
    klewso
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:19 pm | Permalink

    Nothing a shot of money won’t fix!

  • 18
    klewso
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:23 pm | Permalink

    Was there such a thing as “lack-of-penis envy” before Alan?

  • 19
    klewso
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:28 pm | Permalink

    His boarding school … “was so poor they couldn’t afford boxing gloves - they made us wear chaff bags to bed”?

  • 20
    The Pav
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps Jones made the comment about the Pm’s father as he, (Jones) has never been a father and so could have no understanding of parental love.

    The other thing is everybody is accepting Jones explanation regarding Chaff bags being part of the vernacular for disposing of things that have gone past their used by date.

    This was his defence for explaining that his chaff bag line was not an incitement to drown the PM.

    Well, as somebody who has spent most of his life in the bush (I even sewed wheat bags before bulk handling) I would like to refute it. Nobody would waste a chaff bag & that sort of reference was only ever used for disposing of unwanted kittens etc by those too cowardly to dispose of them humanely.

  • 21
    Sandra Onus
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:52 pm | Permalink

    Alan Jones, stop inciting hatred against our country, against our women and against our elected leaders. Free speech is a responsibility - a precious legacy and one you arrogantly abuse to inflame hate, feed ignorance, uphold hypocrisy and divide our nation. Your attacks are savaging our country. Stand down.

  • 22
    Puff, the Magic Dragon.
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:52 pm | Permalink

    Why are the chaff bags out in the woods? Were they banished from Bagdom for unspeakable acts like not paying their taxes? I see no sugar bags, recyclable shopping bags, white paper dusted with traces of sugar from a strawberry doughnut bags or even a lone vacuum cleaner bag.

  • 23
    drmick
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 4:54 pm | Permalink

    Onya Pav. We used the term, “Geez there are only 3 stitches in a chaff bag”: as a derogative expression in Casualty, (Accident& Emergency), to describe a poor suturing job on a facial wound or to express surprise if someone got more than 3 stitches in a wound. It was also used to refer to country girls with plenty of pubic hair.

  • 24
    klewso
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    And he’d never heard of the (Roman) punishment for parricide?

    Pretty ironic (not) coming from a “parrot”?

  • 25
    shepherdmarilyn
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 5:47 pm | Permalink

    Yes but you are carring on as if Jones words are worse than Gillards’ actions.

    Lest we forget that the day her father died she was proudly breaking the law, the constitution and human and legal rights of refugees during a photo shoot with PNG’s foreign minister while at APEC.

    Human trading and trafficking is surely more serious than Jones prattling?

    Sending people by force back to Sri Lanka knowing they face jail and torture is more serious, staying in Afghanistan is more serious, punishing single parents and aborigines is more important than the ramblings of an old queen.

  • 26
    Chris Johnson
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 6:08 pm | Permalink

    Raised in Chaffbagland on hot crow could explain Alan Jones’ entire life. Cause nothing else does.

  • 27
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 6:12 pm | Permalink

    Either I’ve gone mad, or completely moderated. As INNOCENT would say aaaaaaargh!

    There’s only one way to stop the odious little twät, the parrot, and that is to stop all the people who listen to him. Advertisers follow people. They don’t initiate markets; they play to them.

    Stop all the conservative voting old dears from tuning in and Jones would be completely stüffed. It’s that simple and that difficult to do.

  • 28
    ianjohnno1
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 6:24 pm | Permalink

    Venise
    The only legal thing I can suggest is increasing the payout rate on the local pokies during his broadcasts. Anything else would vary between illegal and terrorism.

  • 29
    alan speers
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 7:21 pm | Permalink

    yes, indeed it is.

  • 30
    Innocent Until
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 8:49 pm | Permalink

    How moltocultural. Writer critique speak scattered about like chaff.
    Quelle bonne parodie noire.

  • 31
    Jimmy37
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    Well said Sandy.
    Good Onya!

  • 32
    SBH
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
    When I said I’d like to smash every tooth
    In your head

    Oh … sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking
    When I said by rights you should be
    Bludgeoned in your bed

    And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
    Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
    As the flames rose to her roman nose
    And her Walkman started to melt
    Oh …

    Bigmouth, la … bigmouth, la …
    Bigmouth strikes again
    And I’ve got no right to take my place
    With the Human race

    Oh, bigmouth, la … bigmouth, la
    Bigmouth strikes again
    And I’ve got no right to take my place
    With the Human race

    Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/s/smiths/bigmouth+strikes+again_10217986.html

    And now I know how Joan of Arc felt
    Now I know how Joan of Arc felt
    As the flames rose to her roman nose
    And her hearing aid started to melt

    Bigmouth, la … bigmouth, la …
    Bigmouth strikes again
    And I’ve got no right to take my place
    With the Human race
    Oh …

    Sound familiar?

  • 33
    Andrew McIntosh
    Posted Monday, 1 October 2012 at 11:10 pm | Permalink

    I must say I find the humour here strained. I’ve known some chaff bags in my time. Delightful people. We even had a few over for dinner one night. I wouldn’t want to leave them alone with the cat, but is that any reason to make fun of them?

  • 34
    izatso?
    Posted Tuesday, 2 October 2012 at 3:24 am | Permalink

    …. and the normally cheerfull disposition of my Bundaberg Suitcase has gotten lumpy of late ……

  • 35
    michael matusik
    Posted Tuesday, 2 October 2012 at 8:41 am | Permalink

    FD
    pity the “economy” didn’t lurk in the forest in the 3rd scene
    maybe next time

  • 36
    John64
    Posted Tuesday, 2 October 2012 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

    Dear Mr. On The Moon,

    We find your “comic”, if you can call such drivel that, highly offensive. Referring to a “Passing herd of chaff bags” is simply untrue. Chaff Bags do not “herd”, nor do they “pass”.

    We are also a highly respectful society that value truth and honesty in all aspects of our lives. This makes your panel about us teaching poor habits to Alan Jones incredibly hurtful and makes us cry tears.

    And we find it incredibly highly offensive that you would refer to us as cannibals in your “bag eat bag” remark. Let me assure you, that unlike you disgusting ape-ish humans who have indeed eaten each other when things got too hard for you because your plane crashed out in the icey wilderness and you were unable to man up to survive, a Chaff Bag would NEVER and HAS never, ever eaten another Chaff Bag.

    Even in times of dire need, Chaff Bags stick together. We live by the principle of “All for one and one for all” (it was actually our motto before that filthy dirt collector Mr. Dumas stole it for his book).

    We fully expect to see you apologise, with the word sorry, in your cartoon tomorrow or we will take action, yes, action will be taken, to have you taken off air.

    Sincerely,

    On Behalf of Chaff Bags Everywhere

  • 37
    TheFamousEccles
    Posted Tuesday, 2 October 2012 at 6:28 pm | Permalink

    Can I have the panel with the sign “welcome to Struggletown” as a T-shirt? Please? Its lovely…

  • 38
    izatso?
    Posted Wednesday, 3 October 2012 at 7:44 am | Permalink

    Jones takes the blowtorch off Abbott ….. Put the Blowtorch back on Abbott …… Abbott needs that hot burn focus back ….. Abbott, etc, etc …..

  • 39
    billoslatter
    Posted Wednesday, 3 October 2012 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    A black Parrotty ,while close is not the entire truth or complete explanation. Alan was in fact brought/bought up by a wandering band of minstrel animal scat.

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