Real Andrew Bolt is wrong, says Fake Andrew Bolt
|
538 days ago I launched an Andrew Bolt account on Twitter: @andrewbolt. I felt as a major right-wing commentator he would make an ideal target for my satirical pen. The account was instantly successful, and 537 days later it has hummed along quite nicely without incident. So what happened? Andrew Bolt happened. Yesterday morning I awoke to an account awash with links to a blog post entitled “So which media organisation is implicated in this dishonesty?”. News.com.au then followed up with a story entitled Twitter Fake is Identity Theft, says Andrew Bolt. The dishonesty Bolt was referring to was my Twitter account. To title the blog post with a gaping factual error was a stroke of pure genius on his behalf. The answer is “none”. The Twitter is the work of me alone. I do not work nor have contacts to the vaunted “media industry”. Having shrugged off the facts with the headline, Bolt immediately jumped into an assortment of ungentlemanly threats, suggesting that I “had been warned” and “a tearful sorry may be too late”. I shouldn’t need to point out that the only tears springing forth were tears of laughter. As I began reading my replies, I quickly realised that all of Twitter was behind me. Even on Andrew’s blog, the early, angry comments (“call the police!”) gave way to ridicule. Andrew tried to quell the mass by comparing them to the “Leftists” at the French Revolution, which says a great deal about his mindset. We are the assorted rabble and ABC employees, and he is the Aristocrat, quivering ‘neath our shimmering blade. When the mockery didn’t subside, he updated again, this time threatening he may “name names” — in other words, using his pulpit to bully me. I’d long assumed that Bolt had decided that ignoring the account was better than calling attention to it. Not knowing my identity meant he couldn’t engage in character assassination, an occurrence so frequent it has been given the nickname “Bolting”. The only thing that I can see has changed is someone has fed Bolt wrong information about me and he has jumped off the deep end. The failing of my account seems to be that it is too successful. Satire is a powerful tool. The Pure Poison blog does a great service by rebutting many of Bolt’s articles, but in thousands of words. Using Twitter I can make the identical point in 140 characters and it will have more of an impact. This seems to cause Bolt bother. Andrew has charged that I am too close to his writing and not parodic enough, perhaps not realising that this reflects worse on him than it does on me (an update to his blog labelled me a “barbarian”, a word that I have delightedly put to frequent use since he started using it several months ago). He also claims that I am engaging in “identity theft”, which sounds as though I am renting suits in his name and not paying the bill. This, too, is nonsense. I encourage Crikey readers to read my tweets and decide for yourself whether I am parodying him or stealing his identity. If Bolt is right, Bob Hawke should take Max Gillies to court. At this point I’d just like to thank Andrew Bolt for giving my Twitter account so much attention. Yesterday I received 800 new followers and Tweeters have started 33 new fake Andrew Bolt accounts (to my count anyway, there may be more) in support of me:
Tom Lehrer is often quoted as saying satire was dead when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize. A major commentator threatening a parody because he thinks their views are too closely aligned certainly backs up that theory. Follow Fake Andrew Bolt at @andrewbolt |
|
|
|
37 Comments
coward
NEW CASSANDRA
If you are referring to AndrewBolt, I’d agree wholeheartedly.
Am I allowed to say “fucking idiots” in Comments? (Far as I know, never tried on Crikey before… just wondering)
The Twitter account read, “The election is one big party tour for shithouse journalists” as well as, “I suggest we limit the population with a ‘one lefty’ policy. That is if a family has more than 2 lefties, the smaller one gets shot.”
And the real Andrew Bolt claims that “the fake account wasn’t fake enough”.
Speaks volumes about the real Andrew Bolt’s beliefs then.
“Anyone without a sense of humour is at the mercy of the rest of us” - This appears to apply to the real andrew bolt and his legion of dittoheads.
New Cassandra: are you calling the fake Andrew Bolt a coward because he or she is not using their real name and therefore cant be identified? Or are you saying the the real Andrew Bolt is a coward?
It must be the latter, since you yourself seem to be using a name that no one can identify you with!
This has gone feral …. check out these twitter hash tags:
#boltmovies, #boltgate, #stopthebolts, #followthebolts,
Clearly we need a new term for being collectively mocked on twitter. “twitterbolted?”, “mockingbolted”
I’d just like to point out that I am not Pete.
@Parnassus: May I suggest #boltCrossThreaded
Wow check the the fat Andrew Bolt, soooooo good, he could team up with sloppy Joe, a comedy duo, Bolta is always good for a laugh….not good for anything else, but sure is a joke.
Its no doubt bothering him (the real Andrew Bolt…is he real??!) that we find him funny…..the worst kind of insult for a fellow that takes himself way too seriously
I am Andrew Bolt!
Bolt complains of identity theft? What identity? Generic Syndicated Reactionary? Most of his stuff is the ‘work’ of Fox acolytes fed to him by his troops,or he directly links Terry McCrann. What does he actually do,again?
I believe you JamesG
Ok, the real @andrewbolt is the real Andrew Bolt and the truth is he was getting upset about being ignored. Only recently on Abc Insiders (I think) somebody said, “It’s not always about you Andrew”. Now that must have been a real kick in the guts. So… what can we do to turn things around? Hey let’s get a bit of attention by denying all association with the twitter a/c. What a great ploy… results prove that. Who suddenly became the most talked about (well in some circles) journo of the week? Yep @andrewbolt. And he didn’t have to pay a cent for advertising.
PS. I enjoy @andrewbolt twitter account and hope he doesn’t block me for this comment.
Andrew Bolt is an unspeakable dolt (rhyming wasn’t intended, but I’ll let it stand) And deserves everything he gets.
However, I thought it was common practice to be a ‘fake’ someone. There’s a Fake Steve Conroy, Fielding, masses of different people. So, on what legal grounds can Bolt have a go at you?
Of course the bastard is a bully, but hasn’t he got to have a greater cause than your writing being too close to his?
Surely this would come under the auspices of writing style?
I’m sorry, but I can’t hack this plea at all, it doesn’t make sense.
Are you sure you aren’t the real Andrew Bolt?
If so, then all I would ask is, “Has Rupert cut you a bit of slack lately?”
It just goes to prove that the real Andrew is indeed a BoltHead.
Are you nuts? Careful Bolt will nail you with a writ. He’ll tap into this! This is his staple attack. He’s fasten on. Then you’ll be screwed. He’ll pin your ears back.
This really is appalling.
Didn’t you people hear what Andrew … the real Andrew said at the launch of MTR when Steve Price said the station would have a right wing view of the world?
Andrew leant into his microphone and said and i quote “i’m not right wing”
If you can’t trust Andrew Bolt who can you trust???????????????????????
quoting the Fat bastard from austen powers there are two things I canna abide - intolerance and the dutch (most particularly bolt)
Nice bit of spamming there Symond.
Anyone would think Andrew Bolt mattered. The man is but a blob of grey Tofu who rejects all forms of reason and objectivity.
Of course Rupert Murdoch is delighted to employ Bolt, because they both work on the same system. One of destruction.
Ignore and ridicule those people who do have a contribution to society with pap and fourth world ideology. Superstition, and cringe worthy assertions.
Cheer up Rupert. When you die, the government of the day will give you a state funeral
I’m Andrew Bolt and so is my wife!
do you think that @CaptiveBolt for tweeting on policies that should be put down would offend the Great Man?
Watching the RoolyTroolyProperGenuineFairDinkumOneAndOnlyOriginalAndrewBolt get outraged and frustrated over this whole episode, and having that just generate even more well deserved mockery, is freaking hilarious, and very, very sweet!
He who lives by the media sword…
The definition of pathetic: someone who gets his 15 minutes of fame by riding the shirt-tails of someone he hates instead of matching and surpassing him. What a backhanded compliment to pay a pretty average columnist with a clever turn of phrase and a populist spin. What a loser you are.
Learning is what adults do for a living in the 21st century, you’re the exception ‘Fake Bolty’. Obviously Bolt gets under everyone’s skin around here on Crikey, the left hate it when someone tells it like it is! That smug, over confident look gets wiped off their faces real quick when the truth gets told. Smear him, chastise him, denounce the desenter they cry! The walls are crumbling in fantasyland, the real world awaits!
Oh dear, the right is upset that the left is laughing at one of their heros. Shame on you all. Do you not recognise greatness when you see it.
James McDonald…have you bothered to go to twitter and read ? If you have you prove you do not have a sense of humor, something Bolta has never had, disregarding he is not amused by his clone. Its bloody brilliant Jimmy go and have several stiff drinks and try again
Johnfromplanetearth…google the word “satire’ …thats search engine google and type in SATIRE
Hey you nothingbettertodo’ers. I hit off 9 holes of golf at 9 in the morning. Counter-meal, 5 pots of beer, fishing in the Murray river for cod for 4 hours then back to the pub for raffles and a few bets. Hope you enjoy all this crap tomorrow.
hey all you fake andrew bolts. your so funny , i wish i was like you.” whos andrew bolt
I can say ‘fucking idiots’ then?
[Yes you can - Mod]
Hey DAVID: Some satire is actually very good, this bozo isn’t!
Johnfromplanetearth
“Hey DAVID: Some satire is actually very good, this bozo isn’t!”
Odd thing about satire, a lot of it’s subjective. To say it’s ‘not good’ in the face of some people liking it demonstrates a level of naivety I’ve not seen since 1952.
As, I’ve been waiting to say… fucking idiots.
(Thanks Mod)
I once had a similar experience with Andrew Nut. I had used the Dumb Dutchman’s research tool to try understand how a person could be so messed up. Wikipedia told me:
“Born to newly-arrived Dutch migrants Bolt spent his childhood in remote rural areas such as Tarcoola, while his father worked as a schoolteacher and principal. After graduating from secondary school Bolt travelled and worked overseas before returning to Australia and starting university studies. After a year he left university to take up a cadetship…”
The language showed the Fool from Tarcoola had wrote it himself, and deflected the truth, so i edited it:
“Born to migrants, Bolt lived a lonely childhood in remote rural areas… where his father worked as the schoolteacher and principal. After finishing school, Bolt travelled overseas before succumbing to homesickness. He started university but found research too hard. Dolt quit university in his first year, and took up a cadetship…”
Two minutes later my editing had been removed. I thought it was Wikipedia so i changed it again. This time it took 30seconds, but some of my grammar had been kept, so it couldn’t had been Wikipedia. It became a tennis match. He was paying someone to monitor it or he watches his Wikipedia entry all day. I started adding personal messages, knowing he would remove them immediately. Two days later, the EDIT function was removed from his Wikipedia page. Why was I surprised he was so insecure?
Actually, it *is* still editable, Tonya. It’s marked as
Want to be an established user?
That’s how wiki works.