Big Harto: forget ABC 24/7, for the price of a carpetbag steak you can have Sky
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Obviously round-the-clock state television has worked out well in Syria, Iran and North Korea. But is it right for Australia? Just before you allow Commissar Mark Scott to use your TV set as his own personal glory hole, perhaps it’s time to take a balanced look at the pros and cons of whatever the f-ck he thinks he’s playing at. First question: do we really need the ABC to give us a more depressing version of what’s already available on Sky News? For those of us who pay little or no tax their service is free. But you get what you pay for. For the price of a carpetbag steak you can have Sky, fully engorged with the resources of News Ltd, throbbing with the team that bring you the Gold Coast Bulletin, Sydney Confidential and Sally Morrell. Who will ABC News twenty-flaccid be sourcing content from? The local radio deadsh-ts who do gardening talkback? The panel from the Einstein Factor? Deb Cameron? And ask yourself, how many hours a day do you actually want to spend staring at these freaks? Compare the knockabout charm of a David Speers with the twitchy punchability of a Chris Uhlmann. Think about the effortless virility of Kieron Gillen beside the advanced senility of Kerry O’Brien. And who takes better care of their hair — Annabel Crabb or Peter van Onselen? From recent, painful personal experience, I know that 24 hour news comes into its own when the big stories break. Can you really trust the ABC to bring you live coverage of the stories you care about? If you want a rolling broadcast from the Radio National float at Mardi Gras, you’re sorted. But what about the good stuff — wars, Rugby League, Liberal Party talking points? At Sky we’ll always be on the scene, and if we’re not we’ll drag out Graeme Morris to gab about whatever’s happening in a knowing manner. Something I may not have mentioned yet is Mark Scott’s incredible egomania, arrogance and hubris. These qualities have led him to attempt to monster and crush a battling small business. We’re not afraid of competition, but nor are we afraid to denounce any hint of it in the most lurid and hyperbolic fashion. In this spirit, let me remind you that like Mark Scott, Joseph Goebbels was in charge of government communications. Here’s a little thought experiment for those who want a taste of what ABC News 24 will be like. Imagine being stuck in a beige lift in Ultimo with Jon Faine and Phillip Adams. Adams just farted. They’re talking about the enlightened treatment of same s-x couples in the Cuban health system. And they’re never, ever going to stop until you loosen your vice-like sphincter and stump up for a Foxtel subscription. You parasites. Follow Fake John Hartigan on Twitter @BigHarto. |
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17 Comments
I’m ‘testing’ crikey and if this is the quality of the product and/or is supposed to pass for humour, doubt I’ll get to paying for this rubbish.
If this waste of space is really an audition script for a comedy show, when do the jokes start? Must be a part 2………………………………………………………………….
Competition ensures (I hope) a better product, so why shouldn’t the ABC compete with Sky. My only observation is that the proof of the pudding will be in the eating. Newsradio the other 24 news channel of the ABC appears to be 24hr in name only; comes the evening they cross to the BBC for their news cover.
Actually I don’t have a problem with this, the BBC is excellent. I wonder though where the ABC’s night time TV news will come from - the BBC?
@STEVEN.R.HEATH
Sarcasm is supposed to be the lowest form of wit, so this is probably reasonable close to what Hartigan is thinking.
They also say he who laughs last didn’t get the joke.
Maybe Crikey! can’t afford Ben Pobjie any more. The key word is ‘FAKE’ John Hartigan.
UTTERLY BRILLIANT!
More of this please Crikey.
Forget 24 hour news, I want 24 hour Media Watch.
That’s sure one helluva Big Harto-tack there mate. Let’s just pray that those pinko poofcakes at the Abe can’t figure out how to interview footballers and the like, because then they’ll have sod all chance of doing 24 hours of ‘news’, eh?
Relax Harto.
Punters on Austar can’t even get 24 x 7 ABC TV news unless they fork out an extra $15 per month.
Sky 24 x 7, naturally, is part of the basic package.
So Murdoch news comes ‘free’, while Austar fangs customers two bucks per day for the publicly-funded ‘competition’.
You guys sure know how to parasitise the public interest.
I turned it off after 20 minutes. Looks more to me like a magazine show such as Foreign Correspondent.
Agreed Socratease, and an inferior look-alike at that. I’m a bit annoyed too that they’ve put it on their only high definition channel. Unless they’re intending to introduce more HD channels, this is a backward step. I will miss seeing ABC’s usual (and much more interesting) program material, formerly on ABC HD, now in SD.
@DON DILLON - I’ve heard that in time there’ll only be HD? Is this so?
I don’t want anything to do with News Limited! not one bit! I’ve yet to watch ABC 24 apart from last night! So, I’ll watch for a few days and then make a decision! As long as it’s not americanised, and the journalists don’t just peddle ‘corporate power’ news, and the News isn’t editorialised, I’ll give it a go! Whatever happened to how Richard Morecroft or James Dibble read the ABC TV news, or even John Logan on ABC Radio! If I want ‘puff’ stories and editorials, I can watch corporate TV! I don’t want them, so I don’t waste time watching them!
This was heaps funny. Obvious Foxtel/Sky FUDers are obvious.
The trouble with the ABC is that its chockers with left wingers in the News Department.
Kerry O’Brien - ex Labor Staffer of Labor Leader and MP and Minister.
Maxine McKew - now Labor MP
Mike Bailey - ex Labor Candidate
and there are more
there are others.
The ABC as taxpayer funded National Broadcaster should ban anyone doing politics in their News & Current Affairs Departments who has links to any political party.
@Astro…you wouldn’t know a left winger if it landed on your head and shat on you, something I would love to see.
Ummm - Astro - Maxine McKew and Mike Bailey left the ABC ages ago. Maxine left in December 2006, Bailey a few months later. Please try to keep up. It seems you haven’t watched the ABC in - what - three years?
Astro…is someone left wing just because they ensure that a view point that differs from your own is given airtime or hold a differing viewpoint? Objectivity is required by everyone..”left” or “right.” Rather than dismiss an argument by categorising it as “left” (or for some..as “right”) deal with an issue on the basis of the material presented and through processes which involve honesty and logic