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57 Comments
Tony’s oldfella is now a temperature gauge, whatever next?
Decaf latte? That’s sooo last decade! The drink of choice for us leftie greenie hypocrites now is a low-fat soy chai latte, in a take-away styrofoam cup.
Bonus points for whoever can spot at least two Dad’s Army references…?
Nice one, First Dog. Australia looks uneasy in frame 4, you have captured our mood.
Incidentally, why is the heroic gerbil sporting a mask - is ‘Roger’ an alias?
^ There’s the obvious favourite saying of Corporal Jones in reference to his time in the Sudan, but I can’t spot another.
X-RAY - it was the cold steel that they don’t like up them, speaking of which,
Zut, not only is Roger a gerbil, he’s a transitive verb. Think of him as a doing word.
I’m buggered if I can spot any more Dad’s Army references - but then there’s a lot of that going on in this toon.
I get frightened when you stop telling jokes FD.
Who told Miranda about gerbils?
Has she been reading gay porn?
Is that her fantasy?
Mike,
I’d twigged that Roger was a verb but, in the polite company of a quiet Monday in the Dogonaut Lounge, decided to keep this to myself. It’s a great verb.
Simply Devine.
I think I love Roger the Gerbil.
Screen shot from gaydar:
“jolly roger trying to make contact with devine gerbils”
It will take hours to get “Roger the Gerbil” out of my mind. Filthy beast.
Isn’t it the old urban myth about celebrities with gerbils rolled in cocaine inserted somewhere the sun don’t shine?
Holy shit.
Is she a devine coke-head?
Shove that up yer cloaca.
Unless Mike Jones you take the pictures of bolter as a graphic representation of Captain Mainwaring’s “Stupid boy.”
SBH - good call !
Zut - Yes, I think FD has misplaced his camomile tea today.
But for other Dogonauts fond of some outrageous double entendre, google “Captain Pugwash” and see what some BBC radio dudes got away with last century - sea farers all - Seaman Staines, Master Bates and Roger the Cabin Boy……
A friend told me, not that I know how come these are funny……..
@Mike Jones: the Pugwash stuff is bollocks:
“In interviews, the creator of Captain Pugwash confirmed that this is a myth – the first mate was addressed as ‘Mister Mate’ or ‘Master Mate’. There was no Seaman called Stains, nor a Cabin Boy called Roger. The word ‘Pugwash’ did not refer to a sex act offered by Australian prostitutes. “
http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/pugwash.htm
Has anybody read today’s item 11 by Ben Sandilands where he elucidates about the Qantas Chairmans’ Lounge?
Give me the Dogonaut Lounge anytime - WAY more exclusive & much wittier company.
What a huge gerbil!
HOLDEN BACK: Yep, I’ve heard that one. But given the heroic proportions of Roger, it would be a brave person who could put him up where the sun don’t shine.
VENISE: The thought of voluntarily putting a live rodent - drugged-laced or otherwise - in a body cavity is so bizarre that I assumed the urban myth to have as much basis in fact as one of the Bolter or Devine’s columns.
Like Miranda’s gerbil reference, the story of dodgy Captain Pugwash character names is an urban myth. Search under pugwash at snopes dot com for details.
Is the map with the arrows the other Dad’s Army reference?
OMiC, true - up to a point, there’s some myth about Captain Pugwash, but even Snopes admits that it’s not easy to spot the difference between the sound of “Mates” and “Bates”. I think the rather fruity voice of the Captain was perhaps considered to be evidence enough. Is Pugwash suss ? My call is “yes”, but yours could be “No” and that’s OK by me. The fun is that it’s pretty hard to tell - probably on porpoise
Many thanks for setting me straight on this one MJ. To return the favour (given your rather idiosyncratic views on what constitutes evidence) may I suggest you avoid replying to any emails you receive from the wives of highly placed officials in Nigeria ; )
OMiC, would that include one delightful girl, Jambalaya of Lagos West ? I’m sure it’s all above board and I’m certain she’ll only keep the ten thou for a couple of weeks ….
Mike, is she the young lady I’ve heard about whose mother requires a life-saving operation?
@ROX: well spotted!
Shall we sing:
“Who do you think you are kidding Mr Abbott …”
My god, Zut Alors, I know nothing about you but your name makes me very very happy.
HOLDEN BACK: I could not agree with you more. There are some mighty sick puppies out there.
I too had heard of it as an ‘urban myth’ but then I heard it re-told to me in Bangkok, and I became less sure of the mythology.
On the other hand, how would you get it out again?
MIKE JONES..
There was a sailor called Bates
Who could dance the fandango on skates;
But a fall on his cutlass
Rendered him nutless,
And a dead-set loser on dates.
Venise, it would be like the beginning of a Bugs Bunny cartoon, surely?
Venise, I’m a huge fan of the limerick. How could anyone guess ?
Here’s my favourite off the wall one from my Dad:
There once was a man from Bondi
Who went for a swim - ‘twas a farce
He stepped in the foamy white wash
And the water came up to his knee
* this doesn’t rhyme, but it will when the tide comes in……
Jeremy S,
Smile on! My nom de plume is a genteel French exclamation. I’m all in favour of old fashioned mild cussing as the usual 4 letter words have long lost their impact.
Under stress I’m also prone to uttering ‘Jiminy Cricket!’
@Tom: If it is a temperature gauge, I don’t want my temperature taken with it (consider locations that they measure temperature)
Mike Jones, W. H. Auden has contributed several to the form:
The Bishop-Elect of Hong Kong
Has a cock which is ten inches long;
He thinks the spectators
Are admiring his gaiters
When he goes to the Gents — he is wrong.
MIKE JONES @ HOLDEN BACK:
Hehehehehehhe Hahahahaha Hehehehehe
A do-it-yourselfer named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus;
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And parts of her anus in Dallas.
@Venise & Mike! Uh-oh! Release the bats!!:
There was a young poet whose sex
Was aroused by aesthetic effects;
Marvell’s The Garden
Gave him a hard-on
And he came during Oedipus Rex.
From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
They said, “Goodness gracious,
has Father Ignatius
forgotten the Bishop has piles?”
Now that religion has got into it…..
There was a young lady named Alice
Who peed in a Catholic chalice.
The Padre agreed
‘Twas done out of need,
And not out of Protestant malice.
And to keep it religious (for the Anglicans among you), a word from Wystan:
Said the Queen to the King: “I don’t frown on
The fact that you choose to go down on
My page on the stairs
But you’ll give the boy airs
If you will do the job with your crown on.”
I do like your work Holden, and Socratease but I thinkVenise beats us with sheer, revolting and very rude imagery. Well done, V !
Wondering how one could spot a free-range anus in Dallus - would blend in pretty well, I’d reckon.
I spotted an arsehole in Dallas
Rough round the edges, it was - also callous
A bottom from backside or front
A ex-prez and also a runt (sounds like …..)
Wow all the talent around here is awesome.
There was a young girl from St Cyr
Whose reflex reactions were queer.
Her escort said, “Mabel
Get up off the table;
That money’s to pay for the beer.”
@ Venise, Mike, Socratease, Holden back
You’re on fire! See what happens the minute First Dog is distracted at ‘the bosom of democracy’ & leaves us unattended in the Dogonaut Lounge…
Creativity is abounding here - perhaps there should be a competition?
A competition sprung up in the den
It was open to women and men
To make a crude rhyme
It was rude lim’rick time
My dibs are on buster hymen.
Gadsooks! I’ve just been moderated! What is it; First Dog’s revenge? And it was clean! Well, almost. Yeah, clean.
While screwing his nurse, Dr Zuck
Poked her coil too far up her tuck
This caused her left tit
To began to transmit
Thus inventing the radio f*ck.
But as the radio inspectors tell,
She became the transmitter from Hell
When sparks from her glands
Jammed the commercial bands
And long wave and short wave as well.
They served notice on said Dr Zuck
To cease use of his radio f*ck
So he placed a shunt
Across her c**t
And now she quacks like a duck.
Well, they deleted me altogether on the clean one. So here’s one that is less clean.
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with with such exquisite feeling
Not a murmur was heard,
Not a sound, not a word,
But the zipper clasps hitting the ceiling.
SOCRATEASE: Nothing could match your refined sense of style. Absolutely nothing.
Wonderful.
Thanks, Venise.
I’m here all week … maybe.
Stretching the Dad’s Army theme, gerbils are fuzzy wuzzy
@Mike Jones I wish it were my work, but it’s Auden’s - he of the ‘Stop all the clocks …’. Arguably the best technician in poetry in the English language of the last century. With a face like an aerial photo of Afghanistan.
That’s a beautiful simile, you’ve got there, Holden. May I appropriate it ?
In exchange, I’d like to offer you this one of mine - I commented that Ben Pobjie over at the ABC’s Unleashed had more exposure than a bum on a nudist beach.
Didn’t get published, of course - except over at the pig’s arms - where we have a place for comments that get pinged at Unleashed.
Mike Jones, use it in good health - face like a Dunlop Volley sole is another simile which fits.
If being unfunny is grounds for sacking, Pobjie should be watching his back.
HOLDEN BACK: Agree totally re your WH Auden comments. Isn’t “Stop all the Clocks” poem called Funeral Blues?
Cheers
V
VENISE, Yes it is, but FDOTM used to mourn what seemed like Maclolm’s passing from the chamber.
So, do we move onto Phillip Larkin next?
HOLDEN BACK: I remember now. Thanks.