Barnaby Joyce explains the Large Hadron Collider
For an even more better explained version of the impending doomed end of the universe click here
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78 Comments
Love it. It’s all linked and Barnyard has so eloquently explained these linkages.
Also, points for calling it a Higgs-Boson. Anyone caught using ‘the God Particle’ loses 5 science cred points.
Dog particle
see FD, caption four would make a great bumper sticker - i know other couldn’t read it when driving behind you, but you would display it out of pride! imagine using that many words to say nothing at all…
This is the first song I’ve posted as a parody that needs no additional work
Take it away Barnaby
(apologies to Don Schlitz & Paul overstreet as sung by Allison Kraus)
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain
What I hear when you don’t say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me’
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd
Old mr. webster could never define
What’s being said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes sayin’ you’ll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best when you say nothing at all
Thanks for the cartoonly explanation, FD. I’d mistakenly assumed he was a large unwashed spud but the pumpkin scone has geographical relevance.
I am ever grateful to the Crikey subscriber who once referred to him as Jethro Joyce.
Michael Matusik: is your bumper sticker obsession treatable?
The Joyce Theorem:
(x+a)^n=∑_(k=4)^n{(nk) x^k a^(n-k) } √WTF? x^2 - Tony x Abbott’ s x Penis∜ = we’ re doomed I tell you, doomed!
When Tone was defending Barney after dumping him the other night he used the ‘not white bread’ line and the correspondent on the ABC News said ‘he may not be white bread, but he is toast’. What a good one for the ABC News!
Now First Dog claims he is a pumpkin scone after having been a date scone.
Will sourdough be next?
Nice equation Buzz, but the 4th root of Tony Abbott’s Penis has made me a little ill.
can we get Dr Karl to explain this for the layperson?
FRAME FOUR IS AN ACTUAL QUOTE!!!!!!! God help us all. In the face f this doom and gloom I find myself laughing hysterically thank you FD!
No wonder FD portrayed him as a pumpkin scone-one of Flo’s specials? Because, IMO, the man has an evil face.
It is bad enough that BJ is incurably catholic and anti-abortion also that he is stupid. what I can’t understand is the level of intellect; not! of the people who voted for him.
Loved the Higgs-Bosun bit.
Frame four is an actual quote? Truly????
Can someone tell me what a “P-trap” is? A man trap I know.
BUZZ: I’m sure that is very clever of you, but you are way out of my league.
I ate half of my easter chocolates during the last hour and feel as sick as….
PS: Frame two. Was that ironic or iconic?
firstdog, this could well be the greatest cartoon i’ve ever seen you draw. thankyou.
There are websites devoted to Captain Haddock’s insults from the Tintin series. But who needs such cartoon levity when we have Captain Barnaby for real.
B is perhaps for Barnaby (and notice the reference to “barnacles”:
“Baboons! Baby-snatchers! Bagpipers! Bald-headed budgerigar! Bandits! Bashi-bazouks! Bath-tub Admiral! Beast! Belemnite! Big-head [Tibet p35 B3]! Billions of blue blistering boiled and barbecued barnacles [The Seven Crystal Balls, p14, frame 10]! Billions of billious barbecued blue blistering barnacles! Billions of Bilious Blue BlisteringBarnacles! Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles in a thundering typhoon [The Seven Crystal Balls]! Billions of Blue Blistering Barnacles! Black beetles! Black Marketers! Blackamoor! Blackbird! Blackguards! Blistering Barnacles! Blistereing blundering birdbrain! Bloodsuckers! Blue blistering barnacles! Blue Blistering Bell-Bottomed Balderdash! Blunderbuss! Bodysnatcher! Bootlegger! Borgia! Bougainvillea! Brat! Breathalyser! Brigands! Brutes! Bucaneers! Bully! Butcher!
Ern, that thought would make anyone a little ill, and the reference to a layperson didn’t help either.
For awful moment there FD, I thought I read Barnaby was looking for Missie Higgins Bosom, which is a massively scaled elementary particle. (The mind boggles.)
Time I got some new glasses, or at least cleaned the Chardonnay off the screen.
Dr_PYSER: Stick around. If possible he gets even better.
wtf. The Barnaby Pumpkin Scone is a few raisins short… Flo would not be happy.
I think Barnaby Joyce is an android whose wiring has gone a bit haywire. My coffee machine seems to understand what he’s saying though.
Dez,
We don’t use raisins in our Pumpkin Scones. Too expensive. We use ‘boodgeree currants’ (flies).
Ern Malley’s Cat seems in purr-suit of the evolutionary nature of the scone [of Barnaby]. Full credit if indeed sourdough is next, Ern. I, regardless only a tramp, cannot help as I wander to wonder if data scone is a potential unique identifier skip the recipe toss in a bit this-that use the blender statistics have never been more transparent through the glass regardless unfathomable think I’ll have another drink.
Venise (3.57): it’s colonic.
JENNY MORRIS: It is? How would FD know…..? Better not answer that. I’m eating.
Cheers
Thanks Trubbell At Mill. I stand corrected. Mmmm, boodgeree currant pumpkin scones. Aarrgghh. Nice moniker, btw.
Trubbell At Mill - like Dez I think your pseudonym is a beauty.
I’m keen to use a different name for my posts but don’t know how to change it. If anyone is generous enough to give some guidelines I’d be most grateful.
BOW WOW
DENISE MARCOS:
I asked MESKI the same question about me. Apparently you need to go back into your BIO then I thought it took for ever for me to draw my avatar and the first one I drew was a mess, so using the Avatar I’ve got is going to say ‘me’ anyway. Plus the fact that I’m computer illiterate to begin with.
Ho hum! Anyway have a happy Easter.
I think I’ve just proved that sticking another name on top isn’t going to work.
Bugger.
Dear FD: Sorry to muck around on your comments, but I’m trying to change my name to something smaller.
cheers
Venise
Venise, you are cracking me up. And it’s a comfort to know you survived Easter egg overdose.
Where is my BIO?
Denise: I’d like to see Venise continue her ‘help’, but you can try this -
Click on ‘Profile’ up near ‘Search Crikey’ and in there you fill in ‘nickname’ and ‘display name publicly as’.
To get a picture of your own, just click on the existing one and it will take you to a site called Gravatar, where you create a free account and can then copy in any picture you have.
What are you going to call yourself?
Ern Malleys Cat, much obliged for your guidance. I hope Venise is also tuned in.
There are several diverse names with which I’m toying - perhaps the decision should be made with the steadying assistance of a nourishing bottle of red. A good excuse to pull a cork, eh wot?
Thanks again.
DENISE: I’ve only just go back from the over-population debate.
I beg you to listen to ERN and his puss cat. He knows what he’s talking about.
They weren’t Easter eggs, they were the gooiest and yummiest chocolates I’ve ever eaten.
Happy Easter
Venise
EMC: And a happy Easter to you too. Despite your aspersions re my ‘help’.
Cheers
Venise
The last test, I promise.
I’m going to start the Venise Alstergren Fan Club!!! Luv youse Venise!
Venise, how are the tests proceeding? I’m concerned that failure may ruin your Easter.
If frame 4 really is his actual words — my god — he should be removed from office for the sake of the country!
He may be laughable, but someone that incoherent is a danger to the country and himself. Nor I know why they insult him by calling him ‘authentic’. Authentic can mean anything to anybody. And Barnaby’s words there mean nothing to nobody, or is that nothing to anybody, or maybe anything to nobody …
Did his audience actually applaud him?
That’s ‘now I know …’
BUZZ: it’s mutual.
DENISE: re changing my name to something shorter? I bombed! Crump! crash!
Ho hum.
Cheers
If you would be so kind everybody if you consider uncorking bottles to arrange leaving the dregs of those good drops beside any of the I think pretty rubbish bins left permanently on the sidewalks in our streets I am so sure I will be grateful for the inclusion that does it for me authentic can mean anything to anybody & Barnaby’s words there mean nothing to nobody you mean did anybody stick around Jenauthor or did Barnaby randomly adress a latter day somebody who never turned up on the day howler I have never laughed so much punch drunk or just high on the sugar in the bottom of the cake bowl left in the sink it is a marvellous party & somehow I’m in the door as well I think myself it’s anybody’s guess if nobody actually put their hands together for Barnaby Joyce hysterical I’m going to rehab.
My theory, and I’ll stick to it till proven otherwise, is that liberals covertly indulge in eating too much mashed potatoes. Any normal person would eat potato baked, boiled with bangers or even raw. But mashed, you have to go back to B.Menzies. It came from the English and their lack of dental care and lacking a mouth full of gnashing teeth.
It soon was associated with liberals taking the easy way and mashed potato became ‘in’. Have a look at BJ and above all A.Robb. They all have lips especially shaped to easily swallow mouthfulls of mashed potato. This penchant for their odd dietery habits then became part of their policy making. The easy, effortless and least chewable way. Almost incoherent.
http://oosterman.wordpress.com/
Is Sandshoe James Joyce?
Brilliant Firstdog.
Can you do one on Barnaby’s comparison of the Second Law of Thermodynamics with Double Entry Book-keeping ?
Venise, after you’ve entered your new name in the profile section, scroll down to the bottom of the page.
On the left is “update profile”, click on this & you’ll be magically transformed.
ern malleys cat y’ve made m’ journey a happy one i fought temptation to not mention james
ZUT ALORS: You’re crazy trying to educate the weak witted. However, I did go to profile where it says words to the effect “This is your name, change it on the pain of death!” Signed Crikey.
I’ll give it one more shot-all I want to do is delete my last name. BTW would this deletion affect all my entries which Google has thoughtfully stored for me-presumably under “A”.
These entries contain some of the worst insults ever given to anyone, anywhere. I would hate to lose these precious words!
Venise, have courage, you can do it. Your google question is too tricky for me - where’s Ern Malleys Cat? Napping in the sun no doubt.
Venise: it seems you will have to apply to the Victorian Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages for your name change.
The fee is $87.20 and it will take approximately 20 working days.
Be aware they have rules about obscenities and public interest.
Forms are available online at justice.vic.gov.au.
I hope this is of help.
Hi Ern, Buzz, Zut Alors, Denise: I did it! But now I frightened I’ll lose my listing under Google and Yahoo.
They’ve gone to the trouble of printing all of my appalling gaffs, errors and mind-boggling depictions of my ego-centric self; self-centred I may be, but when I looked up just plain ‘Venise’ I am shoved into ‘Venice’ with its squillion entries. Doh! My name means ‘Venice’, but I don’t want to have to compete with it.
Short of seeing a psychiatrist, has anyone got any ideas? What about Venise (Alstergren) too pretentious?
Cheers
Me
EMC: Great comment: Approps my last question. Be nice, or I’ll come and trim your whiskers.
cheers
V
Last comment: Under just plain Venice/Venise there are 8,340,000 entries!!!
also, how would any of you like to read under your name, the advertisement “Come to Venise for a bargain price?
Venise, I wouldn’t like it one bit. But what are the implications with the ACCC if, following an investigation, you prove not to be a bargain?
ZUT ALORS: Christ you’re worse than PADDY!
Hello all, taking notice. I truly laugh Venise you found 8, 340, 000 entries of Venice/Venise & that laughter is true empathy, trust me. I therefore looked for my friend Vinnette perhaps in keeping to mention which gave me only 88, 300 including a one ‘n’ one & a reference to ‘Vignette’ meaning ‘graphic design’. It seems relevant. Another friend… & thank someone someone is visiting me in the rehab hole… has smuggled in the day’s papers (I get upset). Seen this article titled ‘Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider’!!??**%wouldyoubelieveit
http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gadgets/0,39029552,49305387,00.htm
SANDSHOE: You are a pal indeed! I’m still trying to get over the sheer numbers involved.
I read the amazing ‘Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider’. Very coincidental. I think the same man was responsible for “Infamous baguette sabotage.” Do you think he was trying to blow up Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers?
Cheers V
PS: Or the contents thereof.
SANDSHOE: As with EMC I too thought I’d got a hint of James Joyce in your writing.
Venise the coincidences of the imagery in ‘Man Arrested…’ seems larger than life. I am ordinarily all for it, but it is tantalising. If our simple minded jocosity about Barnaby’s Explanations of Large Things might still attract if not already the interest of a person who by all that is serendipitous artistry might have imagined all of that for April 1 (a genuine one-person show) -well & good. We can be forgiven ( tentatively assuming a ‘we’ is best forged for the purpose of flushing out the Truth) asking for the person to reveal themselves as our reader jussst in case that brilliance was NOT entirely conceived alone but drank at the collective brook of our babbling imagery. No harm done, yooohooo, did yooo consider my good friend Venise’s indulgence in half the Easter Chocolates…What about the contributory stimulus of Buzz…& EMC & Zut Alors (kind optimist)…Denise Marcos & Jenauthor (the philosopher)…I ask did yooooo think up the blender on your own?
Uunless there is someone among us indeed who is in fact ‘Man Arrested…’, Venise. ps that you too thought, Venise, James was hinted makes all my time crafting preceding comment a summer holiday in the Pennines. One can never be confident application will win out over drink.
Venise, you have been too kind.
I am sorry Venise you asked me a question ! I don’t think it’s likely any harm was intended towards anybody’s budgie smugglers. Unlikely towards anything under anybody’s either because some small protection is afforded budgies. Thank you again Venise. I was rude.
While Sandshoe is catching up on some sleep on the back step, I am led to wondering if he may not also be Dylan Thomas, and was attracted to The Dog and his Onauts by the Portrait of the Artist as a Young Dog.
Ern Malleys Cat, you are sharp today.
It’s a tad easier following the lyrical D Thomas than Sandshoe - but, admittedly, the former was never unleashed in the blog forum.
Have you noticed Venise has had two exchanges with the Registrar of Births Deaths & Marriages this weekend & now reverted to the full length monicker? By my calculations she’s frittered away $174.40.
Zut, I’m on my way down to the BDM today, to investigate the disappearance of Denise Marcos, whom I think may have been kidnapped by Frank Zappa and taken to France, so I’ll see if I can secure Venise’s refund.
While one deep-thinking neighbour contemplated the meaning of Easter by playing loud techno music all night (until 6.30am), I have been catching-up on back editions of Crikey.
The comments on Foreigners & Housing (30/3/10) turned into a verbal bloodbath, as did other blogs such as the population discussions. Here at the Dogonaut Lounge it’s a calm refuge from the mayhem.
Ern Malleys Cat,
I believe Denise Marcos would very much like to be in France, especially on the Cote d’Azur. And preferably minus Monsieur Zappa.
SAND SHOE: duringyourslumberonthebackstepthinkbacktoRecherchedutempdperduewasthata
abuiscuityoutrodonandwhathappenedtotheotherone,sandshoethatisOrdoyouindulgeretrospectivelyinsexualfantasiesandmassmasturbationallinthemindofcourseandhowmuchdogshithaseverbeencleanedoffyoursandshoe.
With apologies to James Joyce and Marcel Proust.
PS: I didn’t notice you being rude to me. Honestly.
ERN MALLEY’S CAT: Your wit never ceases to amaze me.
Needless to add I fail to get the Monsieur Zappa allusion. Ditto the Côte d”Azur.
Thank you, I would love a refund, in French bien sûr.
ZUT ALORS: Neighbours like yours should have all their belongings transferred to the street where feral puss cats like EMC, and his friends, can pee all over them. Dito the possums Comitatus or not, with an encore of the aristocratic First Dog lifting a leg.
Cheers
A Dogonaut
Venise: ‘Zoot Allures’ was a 1976 record of Frank Zappa, whose wit never ceases to amaze many.
ERN M C: Did the original Ern Malley in fact have a faithful feline?
I love the ‘ZUT ALORS’ turning into Zoot Allures.
God, people can run amok. Bob Carr wrote an article about over population, and egged on by a couple of names which seem new to me, the whole thing sorta blew up.
BION Sorry this is meant to be believe it or not. I wasn’t involved. Too busy having a lovely relaxed lunch and a good sleep afterwards.
SANDSHOE: Was rereading comments and thought you may have been puzzled about one or two of my comments. When I suggested the man was going to blow up the contents of Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers, and for reasons which, hopefully must be clear to you, I immediately assumed the baguette bomber-in the article about The Man arrested at large Halidon Collider, whose link you thoughtfully provided, was linking the contents of Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers to his baguette device.
Forget it. I’ve explained it badly.
Cheers
VENISE: Whatever else is said before we part from this cartoon I cannot forget a moment of the experience of the august company I have met here. Meeting someone as well who is kind enough … your kind self … to explain the joke & the logistics of … well, it seems you mean a string between… the Man Arrested, the Baguette Man (who dropped a few crumbs in the LHC) & THE budgie smugglers .. that’ll be what’s known as a ‘LINE IN’. I understand. I just don’t know. Thank you unavoidably again for your kindness however when I feared I was rude to forget to answer your question. I do find I naturally steer from mention of the poor budgies. (I wonder if anybody else has any heart other than ourselves).
ZUT ALORS: Good grief! Dylan Thomas! I think I really have confused you. So lyrical. The idea of all that babbling but like a brook… I’ll warrant put you in mind of Under Milkwood & Organ Morgan playing the instrument day & night … it’s inevitable association.
EMC: You as well! I thus have so much to say! The Portrait of the Artist as a Young ‘Un ! The onauts! Well, any dog-onaut who has his rightful day will say that small work of art served Mr Joyce better than some of his work did. Like First Dog! No fur ball, he but ‘Barnaby Joyce Explains the Large Hadron Collider’ IS one of FD’s better illustrations & texts. Well-l-l, alright it’s really good & funny & really unusual because it is impossible to understand, so that makes us laugh all the more because it is about the speeches & therefore the scone of Barnaby Joyce … cracks me up … it’s hilarious no ultimate ill harm meant to Barnaby ( I hesitate to say in a low voice my gender is feminine EMC & not male, although the idea was indeed until now to discover if I could seek readers to assume I am of the male persuasion, indeed, as it seems you may have briefly, I noting reference ‘penned’ in your hand to my persona ‘Sandshoe’ as ‘he’. That is idle flattery, of course.
)
VENISE: I will have to brush up my Proust. I got lost.
I give FDotM 11.5/10 and the commenters 12/10.
Buzz - another gold star and two chevrons. Fourth root of Tony Abbott’s penis.
Possibly untoppable.
SANDSHOE: You’re not leaving us, I hope?
It was EMC’s remark “While Sandshoe is catching up on some sleep on the back step” which got me thinking of why a single shoe was not one of a pair (being Easter my mind was free-wheeling).
Marcel Proust: A Recherché du Temps Perdu-sorry about the French spelling. If you remember the protagonist is immediately in the past when he bites into a a certain sort of biscuit (damn I forgotten the name. It’s sort of semi-sweet and ideal for afternoon tea, sort of like a cat’s tongue biscuit. Got it. “madelaine” not sure of spelling).
So I was talking to you, as a reconstructed sandshoe (God, what on earth does it sound as if I am smoking? To an outsider, that is). So I was asking you if you had trodden on a biscuit which had triggered your memories and you were indulging in sexual fantasies-meaning of the past.
God what kind of fruit loop do I sound like. It’s all ERN MALLEY’S CAT’S fault. He sorta injects interesting hypotheses and leaves me floundering in his wake….
Cheers
Venise
PS: The first part of my story concerned the “Baguette” bomber, and it being a substitute for Tony Abbott’s penis, being re-united with the budgie smugglers and hoping the bomb was successful.
MIKE JONES: Hat off to BUZZ!
EVERYBODY: BUZZ won an award! (Commenters did well in their class
VENISE: Errata spring to mind, & as well addendum. But we are … making scientific progress no matter jerky. My presentation thus accepts 1. a few crumbs can yes make a difference & 2. TA’s member is in the spotlight howsoever I try to sweep it under the carpet.
I imagine that is spelt ‘m-a-d-a-l-e ‘instead of a’-i-n-e”! That was what was Proustian? You were referring to a biscuit? How marvellous you took time to explain! Not fruit loop, Venise please!! And I figured you meant one sandshoe, & I laughed, it put me in mind of Mr Bean who lost a shoe & tried to buy the exact other as replacement he found new on a sales table.
I think strangely ‘Sandshoes’ as a persona would sound as if I see double or my collaborators do. It is a curious issue of perspective.
I like Ern Malleys Cat! I reckon EMC will argue for compensation for you Venise at BDM, not just bring back only the refund. I like everybody! Someone said this is “a calm refuge from the mayhem”. Even the back step was charming although the weather was poorly for outdoors when it rained a couple of nights ago. Glad I’ve been sheltered. I’m in rehab, recall ( lest I need remind of my chastened resolve.) cheers .
SANDSHOE: Yep, it’s a great refuge from the storm, also receiving the thoughts of First Dog is wonderful.
IMHO, the comments are the best and brightest to be found in Crikey.
It’s great to mentally release the stays, relax, then pick up a spectral ping pong bat in order to return the shots.
I do not want to be cliquey so just calling in & popping off out again. I must say I notice door stoops in some parts of town are if not non-existent smaller than in others.
I cannot for the life of me get Gerard’s mashed potatoes out of my head. I have a mouth that is shaped for eating (& I am going to do it) rolled oats simmered in Adelaide water (much improved at great expense) & served with 1 dollop of yoghourt & 1 trickle of honey which is evolutionary adaptation in our family I believe since the Highland Clearances. cheers.