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FIRST DOG ON THE MOON

Feb 16, 2010

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58 thoughts on “Tony Abbott’s Penis and the Goblet of Fire

  1. Catherine Rytmeister

    Oh that’s wonderful, Mr OntheMoon. How we do adore you! And how we loathe Tony Abbott.

    BTW I thought I would share with you a little song I wrote in response to Mr Abbott’s advice to his daughters a couple of weeks ago. It is set to Mr Bogle’s excellent tune “And the Band Played Waltzing Matilda”, and I very much hope that Mr Bogle doesn’t mind me borrowing it for a bit. And staying close to just a couple of the original lines, ‘cos they were too good to chuck away. Anyway, here it is:

    The Tony Abbott Song/Precious Gift

    When I was a young girl, pure and whole
    I lived the clean life of a virgin
    I had no idea that my precious gift
    Was important to some politicians.
    So when I turned 18 and the boy up the road
    Said hey, how about it? I didn’t say “no”.
    But dear Tony Abbott, if only I’d known
    I’d have waited at least one more fortnight.

    For I was now bereft of true value
    By choosing a life full of sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    All I’ve left is the box it came in.

    And well I remember relief on those days
    That my blood stained the sheets and the blankets
    I took many risks but was mostly OK
    I look back and for that I’m most thankful.
    But I wonder, if only I’d kept myself nice,
    Wore lippy and heels and played sugar and spice –
    I’d have landed a man who’d have treated me right –
    Someone just like that hypocrite Tony.

    For I was now bereft of true value
    By choosing a life full of sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    All I’ve left is the box it came in.

    I grew older and wiser and carried a pack-
    et of three, just in case I got lucky
    And I did pretty well, despite no advice
    From Abbott or Andrews or Tuckey.
    Johnny Turk he was ready, he’d primed himself well,
    But that wasn’t enough, I had Tommy as well
    And Paddy, and Jock, and Pierre and Manuel
    I had a right multicultural party.

    With my precious gift thoroughly squandered
    I still somehow managed with men
    I swore and I drank and I danced and I skanked
    While the band played Wild Rover Again.

    Now I’ve settled down, with a rather good bloke,
    Who with second-hand gifts seems delighted.
    And I’ve a daughter myself, of that age when you might
    Give advice, about life to enlighten.
    I’ve told her to give what she wishes and when
    To respect herself and be respected by men
    And above all before she is settled and wed
    To make sure she gets plenty of practice.

    For a woman is more than a hymen
    She has much more to offer the world
    And if Abbott can’t see all that we wish to be
    He can keep his advice to himself.

    For I’ve filled my life with true value
    By choosing to live it in sin
    My precious gift gone, just a memory in song
    But I’ve still got the box it came in!

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