Phillip Adams: He would love to be posted to Cairo. He collects Egyptian antiquities.

Total agreement re Mark Latham. St Helena it is.

The entire, now fortunately sacked by the Victorian Government, ex-shire of Brimbank: Doomed to labour in the silver mines of Potosí, Bolivia. At 4,090 metres-the highest city on the planet, they would be forced to labour at altitudes guaranteed to induce altitude sickness in everyone not born there.
Nothing can describe this soul-destroying sickness. To walk across a narrow street requires heroic determination-without the knowledge that you are going to make it or not.
At a mere 3632 metres the city of La Paz is but a guide to the vastly higher reaches of Potosí. In La Paz water boils at 88º (as opposed to 100º). The thought of these bastards labouring at 4090 metres fills my heart with joy.

Steve Fielding would love the Holy See. No, no, no Frank, IMHO a vastly more fulfilling for him would be Allepo.(actually I love the place) But close to the heart of Islam. A Holy Roman, or any other kind of fundamentalist Christian, would find the going a little tough. Maybe once there a sort of permanent Ramadan could be arranged for this hopeless amateur.

Cheers

Venise

Sen. Fielding: The Holy See.

Phillip Adams: Cultural Attache, Cairo.

NSW Govt: Christmas Island

Mark Latham (revised): St.Helena

Short politicians: Tuvalu

Very short politicians: Tuvalu beach.

John Howard: Consul General for Ushuaia. Geographically the last point of Argentina in Tierra del Fuego, the part closest to Antartica. He’ll have the hardest place on earth to practice his gardening-what the wind doesn’t kill the biting cold will.
Janette has always wanted the glitter of a royal court so she will have a million penguins, hundreds of elephant seals, fur seals, and just ordinary seals to lord it over.
Christopher Pyne. Consul General for Northern Siberia. Just the place to learn to live with silence, the creak-creaking of trees, bowed down with tons of snow. Nine months of winter, three months of summer. A place to learn humility. Siberia Just beautiful in the Spring. A great place to hear the vastness of this huge country., very elegant social scene, especially during the ski season. A country where Massaratis and Ferraris outnumber the people. He would lose weight walking up and down those mountains. But think of the easy access to major European capitals. I think he”d love it.

Tony Abbott. Consul General for Petra in Jordan. Very small but with eons of time to look at the Rose City and to ponder the essence of Islam. It’s inherent serenity and how it aligns with Christianity. No Tony, it will be forbidden to tell the locals how to run their lives according to the Catholic ideal. A superb place to earn Arabic, and, who knows? You may be able to field a football team for the Junior League.

Malcolm Turnbull or Mark Latham: Consul General for Las Islas Malvinas. They both got high on crowds. Admittedly the people part of crowds will be missing, but hey, there’s just masses of sheep. Acres of solitude in which to practice your parliamentary speeches for the next time around. Also a place where conservation is very high on the agenda. I admit the wind and the cold to be appalling.

Beazley can squeeze into some second-hand US warplanes, then buy them. It’ll be just like the old days.

Mark Latham? Tuvalu.