I was raised in a large family, and we were ‘encouraged’ to care for our younger siblings, but only if you were a girl? The boys cut the wood in the winter time, and mowed the lawn in the summer, and that was it??Us girls ironed, cleaned, ran errands, helped prepare dinner, washed up, and did piano practice and homework as well. I have 3 adult sons, and was determined that they would not grow up thinking that women were ‘god’s gift’ to them, and they were entitled to bludge on them. They can all cook(good cooks too) clean, iron,sew on buttons etc. One has 3 kids born 2 yrs apart, and I’ve never seen him sit down while there were jobs to be done - he’d probably have put on a load of washing(on his way upstairs from work) had a shower and prepare the dinner or see to the kids or ??They work as a team, are good mates as well as lovers; he took his wife for a job interview on her way home with baby no.3. - I was impressed! He didn’t learn that from his father I can tell you! His lovely wife breast fed their 3 babes and held down a job, and he supported her all the way, which included having a woman come and clean one day per week. I always told them, that if I learnt of them being abusive to women, they didn’t have to worry about anyone else - just me! (i’m 5 ft tall??)

I read your article Jenny, and you could’ve been describing my life of years ago. My father had a couple of strokes and a heart attack, but lived for 3 more years (which was sad really - no quality of life - but alert mentally, almost to the end). At least I had siblings, mostly my sisters(surprise, surprise?) to share the load with, but we were ‘skinny little messes’ after 3 yrs. Then it was my Mum’s turn; she was in a wheel chair for the last 10 yrs of her life, in a caring nursing home, but a distance away(30 mins or so drive). It was very tiring, with kids, work, travel, my little Mum and all the things described by most of you. I have empathy for you all. I do remember how hard it was, and like many of you, apart from the work of shopping, thinking of the menus in advance is a challenge - sometimes your mind just goes blank. My husband did less than 1% of anything domestic, apart from lawn mowing etc; in fact his contribution to the marriage was probably the same - eventually I left!

However, I got a bit frustrated by the reference to men who “live in squalor” and subsist on takeaway. Unless they’re abrogating their responsibilities to a flatmate or partner (which I agree is reprehensible) then what is the problem? Who is the author to make a moral judgement about adequate standards of cleanliness, or appropriate dinner habits, on behalf of her male contemporaries?

The main requirement is for all of this to be presented in as few words - and with emphases on the real guts of the each. Short and sweet - or cutting - or cruel - or whatever is best to get us the facts as quickly as possible?

JC

My husband and I are both choosing to take a more mellow career path and be there for our family and community and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He and I will both take a bit of penalty in the workplace for that, although I don’t think we should.

But as much as he might like to, he can’t give birth or breastfeed and we can’t share that so I will be primary career for the first bit. Now, I don’t want to open the can of worms around child care, formula, and expressing milk but acknowledge those as valid options (with their own benefits and disadvantages) that we have chosen not to take up. Although I am yet to hear of a way that men can do pregnancy…

There is definitely a societal expectation on women to do the caring and if men chip in a bit they get tonnes of applause. It’s important to acknowledge what happens most of the time versus the exception. I don’t feel unequal in my relationship with my husband but I know of many who do. I feel unequal in the workplace and in what society and extended family expects of me.

I guess my point is more about a concern that people who have gone from school to uni then work without getting out in the world may not have a balanced view of what it is like out there (whether that involves caring for others or volunteering in the community or on environmental projects etc). Recognising and valuing this experience would not only benefit people with caring responsibilities but also people who do other things besides work perhaps, even just living the rhetoric around work-life balance. At the moment I feel that people who make work their life are more likely to be those in positions of power because that is what is valued, perhaps we should be valuing more than that?

I know politics is set up as an adversarial business, but the fourth estate has an opportunity here to lead from the front; to shape public perceptions about politics and politicians and, in turn, maybe even lead to politicians themselves adhering to the new paradigm.

You have nothing to lose and we all have everything to gain.

Ruby, I don’t agree with your hope that one day people applying for leadership positions will not be considered as favourably if they don’t have experience of caring for others. If you’re in a position like I am where your parents are still in reasonably good health and you’re single, the issue of caring for others does not arise. To make this a disadvantage in the workplace is just as discriminatory as penalising people for having spent less time in the workplace.

I have recently decided to not renew my subscription because I will be having a baby, continuing to do my PhD part time whilst taking a cut in a basic scholarship income. I know that the time to read crikey will disappear and with a drop in income every penny counts. I have enjoyed reading crikey and only occasionally got frustrated with the reporting.

I am also not interested in Crikey doing ‘girly stuff’ or ‘boy’s stuff’ for that matter. Women’s issues are of course of interest to us all and should be included and there is a real need to increase people’s awareness of them. So many people I come into contact with (male or female) think that sex equality has been achieved and feminism redundant. However, I know that having a family will penalise me in the workforce and as a result my income and level of career achievement will be impacted. This will be for many reasons but the simplest is that my CV will have a bit less time in the workforce than someone who has not taken time out to care for others.

I hope that one day the experience gained outside of work will be recognised as valuable. I also hope that one day people applying for leadership positions will not be considered as favourably if they don’t have this kind of experience. I often wonder if more of our corporate heads had spent time in touch with community, in caring for others, that perhaps they’d be less inclined to make decisions that destroy communities and the environment.

For Crikey more articles like Eva Cox’s and Jenny Ejlak’s is a good start. Also when reporting on highly political and emotive women’s issues like birth make sure you do your homework and approach the topic with a care. Birth is a minefield for women that I had no idea about until I got pregnant. And yes I am refering to Bernard Keane’s article on homebirth which I found very disapointing.

I am just lucky that reading crikey is relevant enough to my work that I can get away with skimming it at lunch time - if I don’t get a chance to do that, it doesn’t get read.

There is no need to dumb down or ‘girlify’ Crikey. More contributions from female and feminist writers would be welcome. I also agree with previous comments that a digestible highlights version on a Friday would be great.