A NYT editorial has slammed Goldman Sachs for its role in the financial crisis, Ten must work out what to do with Australian Idol in 2010, how the media downturn will affect higher education, newsreaders get emo, and more.
The women issue: a Crikey reader responds
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Initially I thought little of Crikey’s query as to why fewer women than men subscribe and read the daily newsletter — a 70/30 split didn’t seem that bad. Then I read Liz Gunder’s comments on women still having to work double shifts (paid work followed by unpaid running of a household — providing a catering, laundry and personal assistant service rolled into one — oh, and raising children as well …) and it really rang true. The thing these observations always neglect to mention, and what is more relevant in this case, is that it’s not just the physical time and energy spent doing these things, but the head space required to take in, remember, organise, plan and act on information about kids’ sports, excursions, plays and parent-teacher nights, what the family is going to eat for the next three nights and what groceries need to be purchased to accommodate this, which family member is having a birthday in the next fortnight and has a card been bought, did anyone pay the power bill, and the all-important how many rolls of toilet paper are left in the cupboard? By the time this sort of life administrivia is committed to memory and the planning done, then a day job is completed in which similar levels of detailed information needed to be taken in, processed and acted on, is it any wonder that women have little head space left to think about bigger picture issues such as politics, climate change, analysis of the media and the like? This phenomenon is not limited to mothers, either. As a single, childless female, I still find myself doing more of these sorts of things than any of my single, childless male peers. They seem to have no trouble eschewing grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning in favour of eating take-away, living in squalor (or more commonly finding a female flatmate to do the cleaning), missing people’s birthdays (ahem!) all the while taking their careers to new heights while having female personal assistants (the workplace equivalent to a wife) to make their working lives easier, leaving more head space for the bigger picture. What is equally striking is the gender difference in relation to caring for older relatives. Some years ago, when my elderly father spent a year fighting a losing battle with cancer, I spent the year running ragged after him and my mother, who was providing full-time care. My mother, being of a generation where it was unusual for women to learn to drive, needed me to provide grocery deliveries, pharmacy runs, a taxi service to doctor’s appointments as well as emotional support. At the time I was employed three days a week and working for myself the rest of the time. For that year, I had to all but put my business on hold and run it at a loss as family responsibilities had to take priority. What was my brother doing during this period? Nothing. He left home at 16 and lived interstate from then on. His children had grown up and left home by this stage, but it still did not occur to him to fly home to put in some time and effort to support our mother or dying father — nor was he expected to. When we were left joint executors (did you know the legal word for a female executor is ‘executrix’?) of our father’s will, it was I who did 99% of the work as I was in the same state and my brother was not — he just received things in the mail to sign. Not being legally trained, the process of applying for probate and the associated financial and property dealings, was intellectually and logistically challenging, not to mention the emotional strain of my own grieving process combined with supporting my mother — having lost not only her life partner but sadly her only sibling, my aunt, only three months later. As with many women who have been in similar situations, I was running around supporting everyone else but was anyone supporting me? No. Did I have time to think about politics, media, public affairs and world events during this time? Ha! I barely knew the rest of the world existed. I most certainly would not have had time to read a daily email such as Crikey. I was reminded of this recently when reflecting on how a good friend of mine, a woman in her 50s, is in a time of life when her adult children have only recently left home to live independent lives, when her father-in-law recently passed away, requiring her to provide practical and emotional support to her partner, and now her own father has a debilitating chronic illness, and she is one of a few (female) siblings providing care and support. Unlike me, she married and had children early in life, thus her education was delayed until later in life. She is still studying part-time, working full-time and has all these caring responsibilities on top of this. So if Crikey aims for a 50/50 gender split in readership, perhaps encourage more feminist (note, not the same as, or limited to, female) writers to explore these political and social issues of why women have less time to be involved in public life and how we can get men to take on a greater share of the second-shift load. I also read a few comments on the blog about having more “girly” topics. Please spare me. The reason I subscribe to Crikey is for a gender-neutral and intelligent analysis of the world — if I want the latest in hair care or how to give a good blow job I’ll consult Cleo. A female-only blog is a nice idea but doesn’t the idea of 90% of Crikey for men and a blog for women seem a teensy bit tokenistic? I say tinker by all means but only by getting more columns written from a female/feminist perspective will you win over more female subscribers. At the end of the day, please remain focused on what is more important to society as a whole, whether for men or women, old or young, gay or straight, family or childless, rich or poor, Aussie-born or recently arrived. Major issues affecting society affect us all. |
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17 Comments
I have been trying to explain to my partner for some time that it is not the cooking of the dinner that is stressful (he helps), but planning the meal and the necessary shopping to produce it; add to this the toilet paper and other miscellaneous administrivia mentioned in this article and running a household is a stressful business. This has been the subject of numerous discussions with my own mother whose husband and son who again, will pitch in with household chores (when coerced) but wouldn’t ever think to check whether they’ve run out of toilet cleaner.
I am just lucky that reading crikey is relevant enough to my work that I can get away with skimming it at lunch time - if I don’t get a chance to do that, it doesn’t get read.
There is no need to dumb down or ‘girlify’ Crikey. More contributions from female and feminist writers would be welcome. I also agree with previous comments that a digestible highlights version on a Friday would be great.
Agree with both Erika and Gunder’s contributions. Women are “doing” rather “pondering”. I don’t want gendered journalism- just the gender neutral-version.
I agree with the sentiment of this article.
I have recently decided to not renew my subscription because I will be having a baby, continuing to do my PhD part time whilst taking a cut in a basic scholarship income. I know that the time to read crikey will disappear and with a drop in income every penny counts. I have enjoyed reading crikey and only occasionally got frustrated with the reporting.
I am also not interested in Crikey doing ‘girly stuff’ or ‘boy’s stuff’ for that matter. Women’s issues are of course of interest to us all and should be included and there is a real need to increase people’s awareness of them. So many people I come into contact with (male or female) think that sex equality has been achieved and feminism redundant. However, I know that having a family will penalise me in the workforce and as a result my income and level of career achievement will be impacted. This will be for many reasons but the simplest is that my CV will have a bit less time in the workforce than someone who has not taken time out to care for others.
I hope that one day the experience gained outside of work will be recognised as valuable. I also hope that one day people applying for leadership positions will not be considered as favourably if they don’t have this kind of experience. I often wonder if more of our corporate heads had spent time in touch with community, in caring for others, that perhaps they’d be less inclined to make decisions that destroy communities and the environment.
For Crikey more articles like Eva Cox’s and Jenny Ejlak’s is a good start. Also when reporting on highly political and emotive women’s issues like birth make sure you do your homework and approach the topic with a care. Birth is a minefield for women that I had no idea about until I got pregnant. And yes I am refering to Bernard Keane’s article on homebirth which I found very disapointing.
I agree with the article as well. I am young, single and without anyone depending on me, but I hear about these issues. I think in the area of caring for older relatives, women seem to feel more of an obligation in some families. If women didn’t feel this obligation, then either men would have to pull their weight more or there would have to be more paid services.
Ruby, I don’t agree with your hope that one day people applying for leadership positions will not be considered as favourably if they don’t have experience of caring for others. If you’re in a position like I am where your parents are still in reasonably good health and you’re single, the issue of caring for others does not arise. To make this a disadvantage in the workplace is just as discriminatory as penalising people for having spent less time in the workplace.
When it comes to reporting politics (particularly events from Parliament House), a good start would be to concentrate more on the substance of issues discussed and less on the “biff”. Articles referring to various MPs as “attack dogs” or “head kickers” is a huge turn-off for many women.
I know politics is set up as an adversarial business, but the fourth estate has an opportunity here to lead from the front; to shape public perceptions about politics and politicians and, in turn, maybe even lead to politicians themselves adhering to the new paradigm.
You have nothing to lose and we all have everything to gain.
I agree Chinda. There should be less emphasis on expecting Liberal and Labor to go up against each other like football teams, always united. Crikey is in a good position to play a leading role here.
Jillian fair comment.
I guess my point is more about a concern that people who have gone from school to uni then work without getting out in the world may not have a balanced view of what it is like out there (whether that involves caring for others or volunteering in the community or on environmental projects etc). Recognising and valuing this experience would not only benefit people with caring responsibilities but also people who do other things besides work perhaps, even just living the rhetoric around work-life balance. At the moment I feel that people who make work their life are more likely to be those in positions of power because that is what is valued, perhaps we should be valuing more than that?
I agree, I don’t subscribe to Crikey for gendered comment.
Congratulations. Great article.
Is it possible for both men and women to move past this ultimately futile point scoring and move ahead to discuss not the roles of gender, but the roles of humans? I grew up in the 70s and 80s with two professional parents. There were never any real gender defined roles, just two adults doing what it takes to run a household, raise children as well as have successful careers. While not captains of industry, they have led influential and rewarding careers in their own way. Now I have a family of mine own and my wife and I have reached a happy medium in terms of chores and looking after the children and as such are enjoying rewarding lives both at home and at work. We don’t need to gender-type any of these jobs as it is neither helpful nor productive, rather we just get on with what needs to be done and try and support each other in all ways. This debate needs to move past the clunky model of men’s and women’s roles and reflect the myriad of household dynamics that can best suit everyone. If people feel inequality in their relationships, it is their problem, not that of supposed societal-imposed gender roles.
Andrew, I think where the issue of gender roles is relevant is that women have often been brought up with a sense of obligation towards others that men are not encouraged to have in the same way. This especially applied to older generations (baby boomers and older) but it probably also applies to younger generations. This sense of obligation is very hard to get past and it can be used to take advantage of women.
Andrew, I agree to a point.
My husband and I are both choosing to take a more mellow career path and be there for our family and community and I wouldn’t have it any other way. He and I will both take a bit of penalty in the workplace for that, although I don’t think we should.
But as much as he might like to, he can’t give birth or breastfeed and we can’t share that so I will be primary career for the first bit. Now, I don’t want to open the can of worms around child care, formula, and expressing milk but acknowledge those as valid options (with their own benefits and disadvantages) that we have chosen not to take up. Although I am yet to hear of a way that men can do pregnancy…
There is definitely a societal expectation on women to do the caring and if men chip in a bit they get tonnes of applause. It’s important to acknowledge what happens most of the time versus the exception. I don’t feel unequal in my relationship with my husband but I know of many who do. I feel unequal in the workplace and in what society and extended family expects of me.
Jenny Eljek says it all and points again to the fact that although flat out - women like -need - demand to be informed about politics - media - money - ‘culture’ - all of which are covered by crikey in some ways - but perhaps we are not so interested in sport?
The main requirement is for all of this to be presented in as few words - and with emphases on the real guts of the each. Short and sweet - or cutting - or cruel - or whatever is best to get us the facts as quickly as possible?
JC
I agree wholeheartedly with this writer as I can relate to her issues of women playing the supportive role in the family. But please crikey don’t go the way of the Sunday Age magazine to feminise the publication, we don’t need another version of the sorts of issues seen as ‘female’. I enjoy Crikey the way it is, if it’s not broke don’t fix it.
A great article that raises some valid points.
However, I got a bit frustrated by the reference to men who “live in squalor” and subsist on takeaway. Unless they’re abrogating their responsibilities to a flatmate or partner (which I agree is reprehensible) then what is the problem? Who is the author to make a moral judgement about adequate standards of cleanliness, or appropriate dinner habits, on behalf of her male contemporaries?
Jenny, I agree with your sentiments - it takes me back! I’m an older woman, I have grand children, and I don’t want ‘gender based’ articles either. I’m interestd in all spheres of life; I love listening to young women with children, or who are expecting a baby,(good luck Ruby) and it saddens me that in the main(and polls confirm this) that most men are still falling way behind in respect of pulling their weight. Andrew, your upbringing was perhaps not the norm - if the polls are correct re housework, child raising being shared etc. That’s probably why you’re a caring, sharing man now. There obviously wasn’t any controlling behaviour or abuse of any kind either, and sadly, one in 3 women will experience abuse in their lifetime - that’s probably a big motivator behind many of the resentments by too many women - the abuse, the controlling behaviour and no ‘gender equality’ in the relationship. There’s enough ‘normal’ problems in the most healthy relationships, but any abuse negates a basis to share and build a positive home for kids - or their parents either?
I was raised in a large family, and we were ‘encouraged’ to care for our younger siblings, but only if you were a girl? The boys cut the wood in the winter time, and mowed the lawn in the summer, and that was it??Us girls ironed, cleaned, ran errands, helped prepare dinner, washed up, and did piano practice and homework as well. I have 3 adult sons, and was determined that they would not grow up thinking that women were ‘god’s gift’ to them, and they were entitled to bludge on them. They can all cook(good cooks too) clean, iron,sew on buttons etc. One has 3 kids born 2 yrs apart, and I’ve never seen him sit down while there were jobs to be done - he’d probably have put on a load of washing(on his way upstairs from work) had a shower and prepare the dinner or see to the kids or ??They work as a team, are good mates as well as lovers; he took his wife for a job interview on her way home with baby no.3. - I was impressed! He didn’t learn that from his father I can tell you! His lovely wife breast fed their 3 babes and held down a job, and he supported her all the way, which included having a woman come and clean one day per week. I always told them, that if I learnt of them being abusive to women, they didn’t have to worry about anyone else - just me! (i’m 5 ft tall??)
I read your article Jenny, and you could’ve been describing my life of years ago. My father had a couple of strokes and a heart attack, but lived for 3 more years (which was sad really - no quality of life - but alert mentally, almost to the end). At least I had siblings, mostly my sisters(surprise, surprise?) to share the load with, but we were ‘skinny little messes’ after 3 yrs. Then it was my Mum’s turn; she was in a wheel chair for the last 10 yrs of her life, in a caring nursing home, but a distance away(30 mins or so drive). It was very tiring, with kids, work, travel, my little Mum and all the things described by most of you. I have empathy for you all. I do remember how hard it was, and like many of you, apart from the work of shopping, thinking of the menus in advance is a challenge - sometimes your mind just goes blank. My husband did less than 1% of anything domestic, apart from lawn mowing etc; in fact his contribution to the marriage was probably the same - eventually I left!
Thanks Jenny,
I am a 51 year old male, with 4 male children, and possibly one of those men that need to read your article.
It was well expressed, honest and without bitterness.
I am lucky to be close to lovely women.
My wife is wonderful and does everything and more than you describe. My sister looked after my parents about as well as you did while I was interstate.
I express appreciation to them but I lack involvement, and am often stumped as to how to help.
Thanks for reminding me to keep trying.
The only thing I have done is to let go of any say in how the money I earn is spent.
My wife works for money only when she wants to, and spends a lot of time with our children and in voluntary community work.
We don’t own a lot, but I think she is happy and relaxed, on the whole.