Further Adventures of Bad Parking Girl
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43 Comments
well thanks heaps FD
i aimed to do some work this afternoon but now i will just spend my time thinking about selecting my best “everyone else is a selfish bastard” experience.
hmmm, now is it fair game to use my outlaws as an example? what about that idiot neighbour and them complaining about us burning the fireplace due to global warming? my golf scores? yeah i hate cyclists too, but you have already covered that? masterchef? celebrities? economists?
shit i could be up all night!
On behalf of ‘appalling should never be allowed to park in a city’ drivers everywhere: sounds like she’s never been taught how to reverse park. (Like me). Possibly, also like me, no one in her immediate circle dares to try. This sounds like a job for ‘Super Dog’. Spend saturday afternoon with her letting her into driving secrets like why they have all the mirrors in the car (except for doing your hair of course) and how you know where the curb is when you can’t see it even with all those mirrors and how do you get a metre and a half wide car out of 30 cm of space…..
Suspect it’s a Zen thing. Or maybe you need the Secret Driver’s passwoprd and All Is Revealed.
ps I don’t try to park in cities. But then I don’t have to live in one. Take pity on her, First Dog, and show her The Way.
OK FDOTM, you must be my neighbour or you must be me. I have the exact same thoughts about Bad Parking Post Graduate University Boy. Even down to the *same* fantasies. I haven’t resorted to nearly using post it notes, but am sorely tempted to adopt your idea. This cartoon is going on the fridge!
But it does sh-t me to tears when people don’t let me off the tram before trying to get on. I have adopted a policy of bundling through them like a rugby player making for the try line. They are most affronted. I fear I am becoming as bad as them.
I hate two-lanes-are-merging-but-I’ll-just-skip-the-queue, go-down-the-left-lane and push-my-way-in guy
Everyone else is a selfish bastard like:
The people who stand in line for ten minutes at the fast food restaurant only to start considering their purchase decision when they get to the counter, or
The people who sit on the outside of the two seater on public transport and don’t move over as the carriage gets more packed, or
The people who wait until they are at the front of the ATM queue before bothering to dig through their wallet to get their cards out, or
Movie talkers, or
Walkers who walk four abreast on the foot path and who see you running in the opposite direction and who don’t merge to give you space on the footpath forcing you to run on the road to get around them.
Selfish bastards one and all.
Bad parking girl’s Mum parked in the clearway this morning just to use the autobank, selfish b*tch. It was at the Northcote tram stop. You know, the one across from the one way street that everyone goes the wrong way up, that is when the beer truck that doesn’t like the loading zone out the front of the pub blocks the one way street, which it can only do when Mr Antonelli hasn’t got in first to park his fruit truck. My friend doesn’t like cyclists with lights on their helmets but I think he should subscribe and leave his own comments, tightarse. And somebody keeps leaving a tablespoon of milk in the bottle and putting it back in the fridge!
great cartoon love to hear more about “bad parking girl”.
I hate it when selfish bastards in my neighbourhood walk their dog around the streets off leash, and they cannot control them and their dog come running after me and my German Shepherd - that is on a leash. Especially when my dog hasn’t had his breakfast yet… They should take their dog to the off leash area that is what they are there for… Thanks for that I feel better now..
For what it is worth, FD, I pass on this information…My next door neighbour solved this problem by going to Shannons, buying the worst bomb she and her husband could find, and had it transported to the parking spot outside their house.
She admits it buggers up their own parking-forcing them to use their garage-but says the wonderful schadenfreude they receive is worth every single cent they spent on the exercise.
Your obedient servant.
Venise
I really get annoyed with drivers who like to sit in the fast lane and drive slowly. Or, and this makes more even more cross, drivers who over take on a country road and then drive more slowly than I was (not that I drive slowly, or too fast for the road of course). Thanks for making me smile
Skinny people who take the single seats on trains but complain about fat people taking up too much room( please note im a fat bloke)
I agree with the get on the train before other people get off(dante has a spot for them)
People who sit at a bus stop for twenty minutes near a train station and then rush on first to buy their ticket and hold up everybody else while they work it out.
I dont agree with giving my seat up for all ladies but people who charge on in front of women.
People who stand at the bottom of escalators or in front of doors and get upset at the people trying to get past
People who charge on or off public transport and then try to work out where to go.
People like me (im sorry) who get angry on public transport when nothing can be done, I always thought complaining to lower staff enough and it might trickle up.
I apologise unreseverdly.
All of the above, plus:
When walking down a city street, the person coming towards you steps or sticks to the right, I mean WTF, if I did that when driving I would have added a whole year’s road toll to the statistics in the 30 years I have been driving.
Also, inner city dog owners (sorry FDOTM, you are obviously well behaved and your owner takes care of you), they let their dog’s crap on my verge when attending the vet up the road, they let the dogs off the leash no matter whether it is an on-leash area (you’re law-breakers!), basically you have turned a dog lover into somebody who can’t stand the beautiful animals any more.
Top work, Mr Onthemoon.
Allow me to add:
Motorist-Who-Queues-Across-Pedestrian-Crossings Guy.
Mrs Parks-In-Driveway-Blocking-Off-The-Footpath-While-There’s-A-Perfectly-Good-Spot-On-The-Street-Or-In-Your-Friggin’-Garage-Forchrissake. (and yes, it is I who lifts your windscreen wipers - let that be a warning to you!)
Little Miss Stands-By-The-Rear-Door-Thus-Preventing-Everyone’s-Access-To-The-Back-Half-Of-The-Bus.
Mr-Crosses-Onto-The-Wrong-Side-Of-The-Road-And-Jumps-The-Queue-To-Make-That-Right-Turn-Before-The-Lights-Change
PS: Which of the above is the better bastard?
Along with ‘lady trying to get on the train while I’m trying to get off’ is the ‘person who stands still in the ‘fast lane’ on the escelators at Town Hall’.
I hate Sydney. None of this goes on in Canberra. Everyone is nice, all the time.
Nice one FDOTM
How about neighbours who fill up your garbage bin with their smelly, drippy, cat litter rubbish after you’ve put it out your bin? Makes my partner so irate that I put the bin out just before the garbage man arrives!
So many, so little time…I think some of these have already been mentioned or are variations on a theme…when people leave their dog’s poo on the footpath; milling about in doorways and entrances/exits/bottom of escalators; those who seem to have NO CONCEPT that WE CAN ALL HEAR everything (EVERYTHING) that happens in your house if you leave the window open because we only live TWO METRES FROM EACH OTHER; and the most selfish of all, THOSE WHO REFUSE TO PUT A NEW TOILET ROLL ON THE HOLDER WHEN THEY USE UP A ROLL. Sorry for all the caps.
Given the current rainfall situation, this creature has not been seen much this year, but I would like to put in a word for Humungus-Umbrella-Person - who walks alone along narrow city streets under an umbrella that would shelter a football team (plus WAGs) and who appears blissfully unaware that the rest of us, completely dry under our little one-person numbers, have to step off the footpath to avoid being poked in the eye.
None of this goes on in Canberra. Everyone is nice, all the time.
Dude, whatever it is you’re taking… I want some.
Try reporting the car as stolen or abandoned. Actually the police are pretty sharp so this won’t work if her car is registered to a local address.
I regularly battle with the greenies who garage their car over my driveway for 3 week stretches, instead of behind their flat.
we live in a VERY narrow one-way street with cars parked on both sides. If people don’t park right up on the curb it can block traffic.
Of course there’s always some wanker on a Saturday who parks their 4WD 3 feet from the curb.
I’ve put many a postit note containing disgraceful language on many a windshield.
Just as a counter to Anne Brown-Bryan, I would like to vent about Annoying Driver Who Sits And Tailgates You Even Though You’re Doing 5 Kph Over The Limit Already And There’s A Perfectly Good Overtaking Lane Available OMG JUST OVERTAKE ALREADY… whew that feels better.
Then there is the terribly terribly polite driver, encountered while walking somewhere, who stops to allow you to cross when you’re still about, oh I dunno, 50 odd meters* from the kerb, even though the driver couldn’t have hit you even if you had taken a running dive across the road, making you feel guilty about not hurrying up and crossing so they can be on their way again.
Not only a free comic, but free therapy. What more could one ask for?
* mild exaggeration
P.S. I guess the last one isn’t actually selfish, but I just felt like getting that off my chest.
All of the above and thanks for the belly laughs. FDOTM this is a real winner. Just a word from an ethnic minority position, hoping that it can be understood - nothing is more rude than the Mrs- but- what- part-Aboriginal are you? or the Mr-but you’re-whiter-than-me! or the Ms-but you cant be full-Aboriginal-what-part-are-you? If you find this hard to understand, it is because we are who we are through family and relationships, not race.
On asking that my neighbours get their dogs trained not to bark when they are not home in the day time as it was interfering with my ability to sleep, the response was “It’s not our dogs fault that you work at night”.
They refused to do anything about the dogs for three years.
Also available on elevators, Mr Presses-both-the-up-and-down-buttons-then-asks-you-if-the-lift-is-going-up-when-the-down-light-is-clearly-lit…
Ah, the memories of living in Elwood down the road from the RSL and never being able to get a car park. My partner and i were less civil in our description of these type of people - calling them “c — t parkers”. And it was. But there were many a selfish person in the Elwood neighbourhood (not to denigrate Elwood though - most people were lovely, bless!)
- the guy who dumped an old bomb on the street for months causing an already choked street to explode in neighbourly abuse
- the painter guy who i swear didn’t even live in the street but left his trailer outside our place for days (grrr!)
- RSL nights were always horrible, never able to park in my street
- the guy who used to park right up against other cars and box them in (actually that was me - parking a falcon in a car space made for an astra is an artform!)
There were frequently battles between c — t parkers vs box-parkers although the boxers tended to win…
other selfish people who ought to know better
- people who insist on taking babies on trains during peak hour
- rollerbladers on bike paths, usually totally incompetent and dangerous
- brighton drivers who approach every roundabout without giving way (insert lots of fist-waving here)
- people who shop at supermarkets. i hate them all. snooty self-righteous stuck up, queue jumping so and so’s.
i think i’m losing perspective so i’ll end it here.
Instead of marked bays my street has trees and no-parking signs, strategically placed 5 car lengths apart. Or 4 if you cruise past the sign leaving half a space which is no use to anyone else and merely tempts others to risk being half in the no-standing zone outside the dance studio.
Don’t give up, your bad parking girl may be terminally self-centred but some annoying people may have nice people inside who just need to be shown how to get out. One night someone in my street (not me) left a polite note on a windscreen pointing out the greater social benefit of parking closer than 2 metres from the tree. And within a couple of hours the car had moved back, and I like to think its driver is even now sharing the lesson of enlightened parking with others who were too stupid to work it out for themselves in the first place.
You’re determined to end up in Woy Woy. Suck it up Dog. Stop that whining. Oh yeah, and her tyre down.
My beef is dog owners, who, the minute they leave their property, their dogs start barking. They NEVER bark when owners are home, just when they go out, which annoys all the other residents left at home. I once gave said dogs some bones, which I thought might stop them barking while alone. I was abused for giving them cooked lamb bones!!
People who queue across intersections that cause traffic jams and then get caught when the lights change and then cause traffic jams are selfish bastards too. You know you can buy some stuff at Bunnings to stick in her exhaust pipe that expands and sets and then when she drives off her whole exhaust systems blows but that wouldn’t be very nice
Oooohhhh yes Penny Macdonald that drives me loony.
The tenants who recently moved in next door have a band. They practise every weekend for hours, same song over and over. They seem to think that their garage is a soundproof studio, but it’s like having an extremely loud stereo playing in my own house. Last week I screamed at them to shut the f — - up. That was during an especially loud bit to make sure they couldn’t hear me. They are all in the military (army band, perhaps?) and I am too wimpy to talk to them in person. Instead I spend my spare time thinking up passive-aggressive notes to put in their letter box, complete with references to the clauses in the relevant legislation concerning interference with the peace & comfort of their neighbours (it is Clause 60 of the Victorian Residential Tenancies Act). I haven’t actually written the notes. But I might!
A story from my wife:
“I have children and a husband and two dogs and I like to buy shoes, so I have to save money where I can. When I remember, I bring my lunch to work and keep it in the fridge, usually leftovers or tins of tuna. Once, I brought in a block of very expensive parmagiano so the leftovers/tuna don’t taste too much like cat food, and put it in the fridge.
So one lunchtime I go to the fridge and my cheese is gone. I asked one of the puddings I work with if she’d seen my cheese, and she replied “It had gone all hard so I threw it out.”
I called her a name that I don’t quite recall, but had something to do with being stupid and round, and said her fucking Kraft cheese slices weren’t even cheese and she wouldn’t know cheese if it climbed up her leg and gave her a cheese-kiss on her big cheesy arse.”
Stupid people are all-round annoying, and we should get rid of them.
Hmmm, I’d really like some cheese now…..
and why am I the only person in the office who bothers to walk to the other side of the floor to get photocopy paper for the photocopier (which sits in front of the vacuous EA responsible for it) - and come back with as many as I can carry so that we don’t run out again for awhile - and then bother to fill it up when it’s empty or when I’ve printed a long document?
Or why do brainless norks come to work with heavy colds and drippy noses then, when I return to work after a week of suffering with THEIR cold, are serious when they say “I hope I don’t catch your cold”?
And who is the idiot who puts metal drink cans in the food recycle bin at work which is CLEARLY marked “food scraps only - for worm food”?
Anyway, I’ve solved the problem of my milk being constantly nicked from the office fridge - I put it in a plastic bottle on which I’ve written in thick black marker pen: “breast milk”.
People who don’t look after small street trees planted by their local council outside their houses. As summer progresses the young trees droop and die for wont of a bucket or two of water. The following year (in winter) they are replanted by the council (usually contractors who have a vested interest in the trees not surviving).
Buzz - if people are nicking your milk, the better revenge is to actually bring expressed breast milk but put it in a regular milk bottle. heh heh heh …
Where I live it’s serene. The little birdies chirp. The air is car less. The stars always come out at night.
The neighbours … at least 400 metres away and inaudible. If anything they hear my outside speaker on abc radio.
Thought you should know.
Thanks Tom, now back to the studio … Mine is the woman who would visit her mother living opposite us in our tiny one-way street, stop the car in the middle of the street, blocking it, and *leave her engine on* for the duration of the visit, causing our windows to rattle. (Hey, it does feel good to vent.)
I also would like to mention the people that push in to get on the tram first and then don’t move inside the tram. There is space up the back of the tram but do they go there? No, they stand right near the door just in case they can’t get off when the tram stops at their stop another 21 stops from the stop they entered. As a result the tram is half empty people can’t get on, oh and they get indignant when you push past to get to the free space.
*Drives me bananas*
Normally I’d relish this, but I’ve had a good week and am feeling all uncharacteristically Pollyanna, so I’m going to trying to hijack the thread and turn it into “little-things-about-urban-life-that-make-me-smile”.
Like the Big Issue guy at Central who writes terrible poetry and is always friendly.
Anyone?
Hi FD
My ‘everyone else is selfish’ offerings:
Mr ‘Insist on Parking Bicycle on My Bike Rack’ guy. I mean, I started using it first, thereby claiming ownership. Also, my bike lock is locked on to it – this, in my mind, is the equivalent of the “Reserved” parking sign. I hate trying to get my bike lock off with his bike in the way. I also hate how he can get out of bed earlier than me just so he can ride to work and lock his bike on my bike rack before I get there. If only I could use this as motivation to get up earlier. I plot to get myself another bike from the tip, and lock it on to his. I have the plan, but again, implementation has always been a weakness.
Mrs “Push in at the Deli queue when the ticket dispenser is broken’: I have young kids and all I want is to get 300g of shaved leg ham, and maybe some bacon and leave with my sanity intact. Instead, bossy cow with hips, muscles in and intimidates deli girl into serving her first. She wants 100 grams of everything. I plot ways of having her fall on the automatic ham slicing thingy. Meanwhile, my two-year old has destroyed the cheese fridge…
The “I haven’t seen you for ages so let’s stand in the middle of this busy entranceway and catch-up on news’ families: WTF?! I think malls and shopping centres should have “Inconvenience Bobcats”. These machines could whizz round and briskly shovel annoying twats standing in doorways to one side, lovestruck couples stumbling along hand in hand, and other listless dithering knobs.
The “I can’t talk to you right now, because I need to answer this phone” shop assistants: I am here now. I am a customer who wants something. Since when did answering another customer who is not actually in the store become more important than dealing with real customers? (answer: probably 1991). My favourite is when they keep getting calls and they end up with four people on hold plus me becoming extremely pissed off. Bring on internet shopping.
Uh oh, I could go on. Time to get back to work.