Crikey

Nine set to dance its ass off. Sit down, take a deep breath and wonder: what would you get if you crossed The Biggest Loser with So You Think You Can Dance, Dancing With The Stars and the base motives and mind of an American reality TV shop producer?

Add the unfortunate attraction people have to their 15 second in the spotlight these days, especially Americans (who demand more), throw in a desperate Australian TV network that has already mined The Hole in The Wall, Monster House and of course, Wipeout.

What do you get? You get this press release from the Nine Network, written completely straight:

You get Twelve finalists, nearly 1361 kilos, one goal – to go from an eating machine to a dancing machine – in Channel Nine’s outrageous new dance/weight loss competition series DANCE YOUR ASS OFF, direct from the US.

Bringing dance and diet together, DANCE YOUR ASS OFF features talented, full-figured contestants who have to lose to win, in this fun, energetic new series that will premiere in the coming weeks on Channel Nine.

Each contestant is paired with a professional dance partner who will train him or her for weekly stage performances – ranging from Hip Hop, to Ballroom and even Pole Dancing! Then they shake and rattle their rolls in front of a live studio audience and a panel of expert judges. The judges score the routines, and then the contestants weigh in to reveal their weekly weight loss. The dance score and the weight loss are combined for an overall score, which determines who is sent home each week.

I emphasise: it is 1 July 1, not 1 April. This is, unfortunately, real.