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Farewell to Dubya, worst president ever
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For a long time the Dubya presidency was like one of those jokes that you stop laughing at as you fully understand it. Like those moments in (noted Reaganite) David Lynch’s films, where the absurd and nonsensical suddenly give way to horror. Our laughter at the idiot who was cunning enough to steal the US presidency died in our throats as he set about inflicting profound damage on both the rest of the world and, impressively, America itself. Dick Cheney had the role of Dennis Hopper — another Republican! — from Blue Velvet, sucking on his oxygen tank in his undisclosed location. Baby wants to f-ck, in this case, the whole world. Sure, there had been idiots and thieves in the White House before — the Kennedys’ stealing of the presidency from Nixon in 1960 remains one of the great political heists — but they’d avoided doing too much damage, although that priapic drug addict JFK nearly managed to immolate us all in the ultimate bang over Cuba. But Bush was the Destroyer-In-Chief, wrecking havoc wherever he went, casting death and destruction wherever he turned his incurious gaze. At some point after 2004, however, Dubya went one weirder than that. As if Ed Wood had suddenly replaced David Lynch at the helm, the whole thing spiralled into a new level of so-bad-it’s-genius catalogue of genuine freakiness the like of which we had never seen before and will only see again in the event Uwe Boll decides to have a dash at Dubya: The Crawford Years. And like all the best films, it didn’t stop at one impressive set-piece, but kept building up, adding to the weirdness, level upon layer upon lunacy. Most would have been happy with Iraq going sour in spectacular fashion — perhaps with a climactic bullet-fest as Blackwater guards desperately machine-gun Iraqi hordes daring to go about their own business in their own country — but then they threw in the Katrina debacle (more folk with the wrong skin colour done over) and had a breather before closing out with the ultimate left-field climax — the trip in time back to 1930 for a plunge into Depression. No one picked that twist. It seems nothing was going to stop Bush wresting the title of worst president from James Buchanan’s cold, dead, and very probably skeletal hands. All of which provides the context for Dubya presenting Presidential Medals of Freedom to his fellow partners-in-crime Tony Blair and John Howard. José María Aznar must be wondering what he did to miss out — hey, Dubya speaks a little Spanglish doesn’t he? — but Bush isn’t about to hand the elitist naysayers one final malapropism by mangling something as unpronounceable as “José”. Instead, Colombian President Alvaro Uribe will provide some Latin flavour for proceedings, in recognition of his country’s extraordinary commitment to the provision of high-quality yay to America’s millions of dedicated nose-candy consumers. Of course, they used to include Dubya himself, and who knows, what with retirement looming, maybe President Uribe will offer George a line or two of Colombian Gold for old times’ sake. “You know Avalero, it’s an amazing coincidence, but this is the bathroom where Elvis had a snort while waiting for Nixon.” “It’s Alvaro, George, Alvaro. Haven’t you got anything better than a dollar bill?” Bush is of course busy packing up his stuff for the Presidential Library (Books for the Morally-Impaired, rows 1-6), which he had originally planned to locate in downtown Tehran. That didn’t quite come off, but you can’t blame a guy for having ambitions, right? The Medals of Freedom aren’t handed out to just anybody, but they don’t exactly carry the gravitas that the term “highest civilian honour” might normally suggest. Blair and Howard are now elevated to the ethereal realm occupied by Bill Cosby — obviously for Fat Albert alone — Arnold Palmer (Distinguished Performance in the Most Mind-Numbingly Boring and Environmentally-Damaging Game on Earth), Walt Disney (Services to Anti-Semitism), Tennessee Williams (Undignified Deaths category) and Kirk Douglas (Chins). Oh, and one Donald H. Rumsfeld — later to achieve the impressive fear of being the worst Defense Secretary since James Forrestal went mad — got the gong from noted gum-chewer Gerald Ford. And Dick Cheney got one several heart attacks ago from the earlier, funnier Bush. The basis for Howard’s elevation to such great heights is, according to Bush spokeswoman (now there’s a glittering entry in the resumé these days) Dana Perino, “their work to improve the lives of their citizens and for their efforts to promote democracy, human rights and peace abroad. Their efforts to bring hope and freedom to people around the globe have made their nations, America and the world community a safer and more secure world.” Not sure about the democracy and human rights bits, but yes, at least hundreds of thousands of Iraqis have found peace. It might be the peace of the dead, the quiet of a mass grave or the silence of a grief-stricken family, but you take what you can get from this mob. Political satire, per Tom Lehrer, might have become obsolete when Henry Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize but this is the new gold standard of genuine, 11 herbs-and-spices lunacy. It’s not black-is-white logic but the reasoning of the genuinely insane, the sort that makes you want to move slowly away from your interlocutor and check for any sharp objects, while quietly tapping 000 on your mobile. But it’s no more than what we’ve come to know and love from these people, who used to run the world, and are convinced they did a heck of a job. And no one has laughed for a very long time. |
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22 Comments
My skin still crawls when I think of how we ended up in Iraq. To uphold ‘democracy’ when most of the country were clearly against invasion. Note the irony? Was the free trade agreement really worth it?
Excellent piece, Bernard! A fitting epitaph fot the three incompetent and unaccountable “leaders” who took their countries into Iraq under false pretences. I think Tim Mc is a bit tough on JFK who, together with Nikita Khruschev, defused the Cuban missile crisis in the face of immense pressure from the US armed services to bomb Cuba.
like i said two days ago,were have your reportes been..to write this article now, there comes a time in ones life,when you stop selling your soul…the easist thing in life to do , is fit into the MONEY press.the hardest thing to do .hold your head up .tell the truth as you see it.,,,one saying to remember….the deed is done,the die is cast..
The George W Bush presidential library? That would have to be all talking books.
The main component of anti W.Bush commentary is his consistent approval ratings in the lower 30’s and higher 20’s in the latter stage of the second term. Without this, the basis of such accusations would be perceived as malicious. But for Americans to have an informed view, they have to have a complete outlook on the story. Many polling results are deemed invalid when such situations occur.
Bush inherited a recession from Clinton, then after hard work presided over genuine economic growth and created jobs. At times it was a rocky road. More times than a couple, it was a bleak morning to wake to, but against long odds at some points, Bush pulled off unlikely victories: executive, legislative, military and social.
No right wing individual will deny the rights of Reagan, T. Roosevelt and Lincoln to greatness. Measuring modern-day influence takes detailed analysis. We are just beginning to learn how it went. So mush will be revealed post administration. In this case, the abuse of a democratic congress and president elect to write history is a risk. The left will learn that Americans respect courage. Americans will slowly find that in this president’s history.
Jeez Bernard obviously had a very bad break indeed!
Cheapn’easy Bush bashing ever popular with the Crikey readership.
Howard, Blair and Bush are all now patently ‘criminals’ and/or idiots.
Not one meaningful argument supplied and indeed there could not be. If Bernard had evidence, Bush would have been been indicted, impeached and Cheney POTUS, Costello would have been PM and Howard and Blair would be in jail.
Of course Rudd would enjoy it in terms of heigtening a negative perception of the opposition but he would never utter a word in support of any of its infantile assessments.
What a woefully poor assessment of this Bush presidency with absolutely no effort even at a constructive critique.
What self respecting journalist would want this article in their body of work?
Strictly the latter, Tim. Cheers.
Just wait for Jeb Bush to get into office with Arnie as Vice President. Then we will have a potential rival for the top position on “20 to 1 dumbest presidents”!
Stop press: George W apparently thinks that his other son Jeb from Florida would make a great President. No laughter please.
Haven’t had such a good laugh in years, but as you say, the laughter is choked off, when you realise the comedy is reality. Lets hope he doesn’t do something to cap it all off in the next 13 days…such as he and his mates in Israel deciding to finish the job in Iran.
Bernard: For goodness sake, get a LIFE mate. Bush may not be anything to laugh about, but at least he has the intellect and character to be able to laugh at himself. Can you?
The Bush spokeswoman Dana Perino is a decent polite person.
Our hero Johnny who loves getting his jollies off behind a Bush has been represented in terms of his worthiness for the medal by the Bush spokesperson in polite women’s talk which stands for ‘awesome c-ck-sucker and pooh licker for his countrymen’. The dents on our Heros cheeks tell us forensically whose Ischial Tuberosities he’s been pressing up against. A great sacrifice for his nation and countrymen to keep taking the sh-t from the US t-urd for the sake of us all. He was supposed to be good at this so that he wouldn’t have to give our trade away for free to the US and leave us waiting 18 years to get something back.
Bernard,
Why the facetious Colombian jibe? Couldn’t you find any other way of trying to get a cheap laugh. Uribe’s leadership has provided a unprecedented period of stability and relative prosperity for a deeply divided nation. And he is most strongly anti-drugs. Sloppy and lazy commentary Bernard. Are you a serious journalist or a D-grade comedian?
Let’s see now, I remember Warren G. Harding, whose drug running buddies had him killed and who also allowed a fool by the name of Calvin to be his VP and hence President Coolidge merrily maintained a hands off approach to govern America and the world into the Great Depression. But my vote (remembering stellar try hards by the names of Dick and Ronald) must go to that son of a crime boss known by his friends by the moniker Jack who took us to the brink of global toast (due to ego, erotomania and drug problems), dramatically extended US nuclear hegemony (based upon fantastical “evidence” of the Russian menace), and so expanded the cold war, while quickly initiating a war in South East Asia based on a lie (that crippled the US military and caused no end of problems for the US economy not to mention one to four million untimely deaths in the region so assisted over more than a decade) and left the US in the cool control of a corrupt Texan Senator who maintained a hands off approach to govern America and the world into the economic crisis of 1968. Tricky had nothing on Jack in worst President stakes and (pale JFK imitator) Dubya isn’t even in the same league.
13 sleeps to go. Surely they can’t do Rapture in that time can they?
And if we survive the last 13 days, to think he will always be “a president” by convention.
By harming America I presume you mean warm up act Enron, then Wall St crash, then 2 page $800B bail out ‘plan’, auto makers hitting the wall and so on.
Good to see the Henry Kissinger Lehrer line getting more work: How many million dead Vietnamese to amplify that sad insight? Even worse to think Kissinger stopped Nixon from dropping any number of nuke bombs and so possibly earning it. Talk about the Devil getting a day pass into Heaven.
As said Howard can’t wrap himself in the Australian flag over going into Iraq. He’s not going there in our name. The biggest anti war rally in his own city of some 250-500,000 rejected his war in Feb 2003. And when the evidence finally came in about no WMD post 2004 election we got rid of him asap in 2007. Fact is the UN got it right, the peace rally too, and Howard and Bush got it wrong, so terribly wrong.
Wow, you didn’t hold back there Bernard. It’s refreshing to know that generations to come will have no misunderstanding of his legacy. A cursory Google get first page matches such as: “side by side photos comparing George W. Bush to a chimpanzee”.
Only 13 more days to go!!!!
Good article!
Would it be a step too far to suggest a permanent international holiday in celebration of his departure from office?
I had to double check to make sure this article wasn’t some misconceived satire joke. Surely the author was drunk when prosing. Like any president before him, Bush will have his legacy critics. The problem is they are all lefties without a cause. Regardless of who held office on September 12, 2001, America was on a hard path to realignment. To even imagine the pressures felt by Bush that morning makes me sick. His country suffered the greatest attack in its history. I don’t think there is anyone credible alive who denies Bush presented himself admirably in the days afterward. The world rallied behind a shattered nation. Leadership shone through the darkest of blackouts.
Afghanistan was justified and Iraq an inevitable conquest. Find me one national intelligence agency that countered the world consensus that Iraq was armed with WMD’s pre March 2003. The same consensus that rides high on the Goracle’s alarm. A swift victory that freed Iraqis. As any other new nation liberated from tyranny, a working structure won’t happen overnight. But the betterment in Iraq’s condition will forever be credited to Bush’s coalition.
Bush was certified President twice. The re-election came 18 months after the Iraq conflict began. The first term was the most popular ever with an average approval rating of 67%. Contrary to what the intelligentsia implies, Bush himself wasn’t responsible for mismanaging Katrina; that responsibility was delegated to Michael Brown. The president doesn’t organise disaster relief operations.
George W Bush giving John Howard the Presidential Medal of Freedom?
Who says the Americans don’t have a sense of irony!
Howard has not only involved Australia in an illegal war in Iraq he has done enormous damage to Australia relations with the new American President Obama .Howard said terrorists would be pleased with an Obama Presidency .Howard has done one more damaging act to further damage Australias relation with President Obama,he has accepted a Bush invitation to stay in Blair House next to the White House and deprive President Obama from staying there as President Obama had requested.Howard will go down in history as Bushs poodle who put his own personal and political interests ahead of Australias.
For a second there I had to check I wasn’t reading Guy Rundle.