Crikey

At first, naughty Narre Warren party thrower Corey Delaney looked set to become the new Shane Paxton.

Any promoter would be pleased with a turnout of 500 for a simple house party with no outlays, just an invite sent out on MySpace. But then a helicopter arrived on the scene, some police cars got damaged, Mr and Mrs Delaney found out, the neighbours were p-ssed off and the Police Commissioner called a press conference.

It looked like Corey was set to be devoured by a salivating news pack. The sixteen-year-old came with shades, a naked friend running down the street, a pink doona doubling as sarong, and the quote “I can’t remember. I was just off my head”.

Predictably, it was stacks on Corey.

Derryn Hinch had a kick (charge him!),  so did Channel Seven news, Sky News —  ”the party’s over!”, The Daily Telegraph  — “debauched madness!”, Victorian Police Commissioner Christine Nixon —  ”he needs to learn a lesson” , Acting Premier Rob Hulls — “I think the kid’s going to come in for an ear-bashing” and talkback caller Morrie  — “blame John Howard for the whole thing.” Even The 7.30 Report didn’t deem the story beneath them.

Enter A Current Affair to finish the job by calling in Leila McKinnon to jump up and down on Corey’s metaphorical carcass.

But Corey is clearly from the Paris Hilton school of self promotion. Bindi and Shane got a Penthouse cover and a fight with Ray Martin. Corey, with just the aid of a bare torso and a nipple ring, has a career in the making:

Leila McKinnon: “… why don’t you make a grown up decision and take responsibility and take off your glasses and apologise to the community, the police…. take off your glasses and apologise to us!”

Corey: “I’ll say sorry but I’m not gonna take off my glasses.”

Leila McKinnon: “Why not?”

Corey: “Cause… they’re famous.”

Leila McKinnon: “Because your glasses are famous?”

Corey: “Yeah.”

Leila McKinnon: “Why are your glasses famous?”

Corey: “I don’t know everyone likes them so I’m not taking them off.”

Leila McKinnon: “You are pretty happy with the way you look and the attitude you’ve got are you?

Corey: “Yeah my parents aren’t but I am.”

Leila McKinnon: “OK Cory we’ve gotta wrap this up but what would you say to other kids who are thinking of partying when their parents are out of town?

Corey: “Get me to do it for you.”

Leila McKinnon: “Get you to do it for you..? Not don’t do it?”

Corey: “Nah. Get me to do it for you. Best party ever so far. That’s what everyone’s been saying.”

Leila McKinnon: “We’ve gotta go but I suggest you go away and take a good long hard look at yourself.”

Corey: “I have. Everyone has. They love it.”  

Jo and Steve Delaney, your enterprising son’s appreciation of cross-over potential, merchandising opportunities and branding would make any marketer proud. Corey knows that a $20,000 fine from the police is just well invested seed money for a start-up business in event management. He’s set for big things. You should be proud.

After all, there’s already a Facebook group:

As we go to press, the story has hit the UK, springing up on The Guardian and the BBC.

Corey, set up 1800GALLOWAYDRIVE. Register the trademark “Get me to do it for you”.  Start fielding calls.