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20 questions. Really? Is that all there is to being an Australian? Surely providing 20 questions as a test of one’s worthiness for Australian citizenship simply invites others. Questions that is. We thought we’d suggest a few alternatives.
1. Charlie Drake’s boomerang wouldn’t come back, because:
a: he’d actually failed to practice till he was black in the face
b: he was a cockney stand up
c: it was just a schtick.
2. Australia is:
a: God’s own country
b: a quarry just to the left of New Zealand
c: a land girt by sea, which is pretty much how the rest of the world likes it.
3. The sport traditionally most favoured by the Australian Prime Minister is:
a: curling
b: cricket
c: anything with a crisply ironed tracksuit.
4. Sir Les Patterson is:
a: a member of the federal cabinet
b: a grotesque caricature drawing on several vicious and outdated stereotypes
c: conducting this interview.
5. A nuclear power station is:
a: something every Australian seaside village craves now that we’ve killed all the fish and chipped the forest
b: the solution
c: the final solution.
6. Industrial relations means:
a: never having to say you’re sorry
b: never having to say you’re sacked
c: anything you want it to.
7. Which of the following best illustrates unAustralianness in action?
a: Spearing a poisoned barb through the heart of a man who took the real Australia to the world
b:Being Germaine Greer
c: Being the tree that killed Brocky.
8. Glenn Wheatley was:
a: a bass player
b: anxious in the shower this morning
c: a lot happier this time last year.
9. Complete the following phrase: ”football, meat pies, kangaroos and … ”
a: Toyota hybrids
b: rebadged Protons
c: all our cars come from Korea.
10. Simpson and his Donkey were:
a: arrested
b: the founding members of the Country Party
c: the greatest opening partnership in test history.
11: ‘We’ll all be rooned’ said:
a: Dick Smith
b: Pauline Hanson
c: the Reserve Bank Board.
And so on.
We imagined Crikey readers might like to submit their own thoughts too. Send us you best multiple choice questions and we’ll compile a Top 20 questions for our Friday edition. All questions included in the final published list will win their authors a copy of the Crikey Guide to the 2007 Election.
Send your thoughts to boss@crikey.com.au with ”20 questions” in the subject field.
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