Crikey

20 questions. Really? Is that all there is to being an Australian? Surely providing 20 questions as a test of one’s worthiness for Australian citizenship simply invites others. Questions that is. We thought we’d suggest a few alternatives.

1. Charlie Drake’s boomerang wouldn’t come back, because:

a: he’d actually failed to practice till he was black in the face
b: he was a cockney stand up
c: it was just a schtick.

2. Australia is:

a: God’s own country
b: a quarry just to the left of New Zealand
c: a land girt by sea, which is pretty much how the rest of the world likes it.

3. The sport traditionally most favoured by the Australian Prime Minister is:

a: curling
b: cricket
c: anything with a crisply ironed tracksuit.

4. Sir Les Patterson is:

a: a member of the federal cabinet
b: a grotesque caricature drawing on several vicious and outdated stereotypes
c: conducting this interview.

5. A nuclear power station is:

a: something every Australian seaside village craves now that we’ve killed all the fish and chipped the forest
b: the solution
c: the final solution.

6. Industrial relations means:

a: never having to say you’re sorry
b: never having to say you’re sacked
c: anything you want it to.

7. Which of the following best illustrates unAustralianness in action?

a: Spearing a poisoned barb through the heart of a man who took the real Australia to the world
b:Being Germaine Greer
c: Being the tree that killed Brocky.

8. Glenn Wheatley was:

a: a bass player
b: anxious in the shower this morning
c: a lot happier this time last year.

9. Complete the following phrase: ”football, meat pies, kangaroos and … ”

a: Toyota hybrids
b: rebadged Protons
c: all our cars come from Korea.

10. Simpson and his Donkey were:

a: arrested
b: the founding members of the Country Party
c: the greatest opening partnership in test history.

11: ‘We’ll all be rooned’ said:

a: Dick Smith
b: Pauline Hanson
c: the Reserve Bank Board.

And so on.

We imagined Crikey readers might like to submit their own thoughts too. Send us you best multiple choice questions and we’ll compile a Top 20 questions for our Friday edition. All questions included in the final published list will win their authors a copy of the Crikey Guide to the 2007 Election.

Send your thoughts to boss@crikey.com.au with ”20 questions” in the subject field.